Episode Transcripts

0:02

Jack: Been reading anything recently? Have you got a new book or have you been finishing off something?

Mike: No, I'm about 3 hours away to the end of Star Wars: Something, something, something. I believe that's what they've all got.

0:20

Mike: They all follow that sort of, um, structure, don't they? That sort of three word, 2 syllables and then, the.

Jack: Yeah.

Mike: Something, something, the something. Rise of the something, something. Might be, might be rise of the something, I dunno. It is... Dark Force Rising, which is the second book in the original Thrawn Trilogy.

0:42

M: It's alright.

J: Just alright?

M: It's alright. Bit weird.

J: What's the weird factor about it?

M: I don't know. I just don't like how things like, kind of a fall into place. It doesn't really follow, um, it's not gripping me as much as the first one. First one did, which was Heir to the Empire.

0:59

M: It just seems a bit like meandering, I guess. I guess it's because it's the middle one of the trilogy and I feel like it's just trying to fit pieces in place maybe.

J: Oh, so it's just like a bit of a filler episode?

M: It feels that way.

J: Just to deliver exposition for the last book, do you mean?

1:15

M: I guess right, because you've got you've got Mara Jade, fan favorite character who doesn't exist in cannon, who apparently was according to the Heir to the empire book she was retconned in. She's got this hatred for Luke Skywalker. Like, why the fuck does she hate Luke Skywalker?

1:31

M: Luke Skywalker never met no Mara Jade. So, she's got this absolute sort of I'm going to kill Luke Skywalker sort of like mentality about her. Turns out she was actually like working with the Empire, with the with the Emperor, like she was called the Right hand of the Emperor.

1:48

M: Vader didn't know about owt. She was a secret.

J: Right.

M: Yeah, yeah, why not, you know. Palpatine trained somebody else in secret. But yeah, just to like do your little things. It's her job to like run about, kill Jedi and stuff. She's like kind of force sensitive, but she's not like powerful or anything.

2:04

M: Turns out she was on a mission in Jabba's palace to, like, kill Jabba or something. I don't know, I forget, I'll have to pick up about it. Anyway, when Luke came in and returned her to Jedi and fucked it all up, Luke came in, killed, killed, um. He didn't kill Jabba, Leia did, but he fucked a lot of shit up.

2:23

M: Things happened. The Emperor ended up dying. That was pretty much all the all the life she knew. She blames Luke for it, but apparently I've not gone back and checked in the films if she was described that way. But, it was a redheaded woman innit. But apparently she was in that sort of scene when all them fucking strippers are like dancing all over Jabba and whatnot and they're having that party.

2:45

M: She was one of them in disguise.

J: Oh, OK.

M: And then she don't like Luke Skywalker. But now, she needs Luke Skywalker's help to get, to rescue her mate. Some guy called Card, that's just his name, I think it's his last name. It's like Alexander Card or something.

3:02

M: But he's not got a simple Earth name like Alexander, but Jim. Jim Card.

J: Right, ok.

M: So they're on Thrawn's flagship, you know, the Star Destroyer called the Chimera, if you didn't know, that's what his ship's called.

3:19

M: They're on there. So it's him, Mara Jade, they're rescuing Card We need a ship for get out of here. We need a ship for get out of here. Thrawns already, because he's a master tactition. He always, always says, oh wait, Skywalker's with them. "Skywalker? How can you be sure? He's training on this planet with Sabaoth!"

3:37

M: Nah, I don't think he is. I think he's with Mara Jade. "Why would they work together?" I think last time they met, I think they actually like helped each other a bit. "But Sir, how do you know Skywalker's with them?" See these stormtroopers over here? Lightsabre cuts. *laughs* That's literally how he figures it out.

3:53

M: So anyway!

J: *laughs*

M: Master, master technician, erm, tactician.

J: It couldn't have been anyone else's

M: Well, there's not a lot of Jedi about, is there. Mara Jade don't have her own lightsaber.If she does, she don't use it. The only other Jedi is like this Sabaoth guy who's a clone of a Jedi gone mental.

4:14

M: He's fucking crazy, but I don't think he knows he's a clone yet. And, and, and so while they're looking for a ship to escape, they're all like, oh, fuck, that's the Millennium Falcon! Leia and Chewie are on the Millennium Falcon. Were there any prisoners on this on this when it got brought in?

4:31

M: Nah, there's no prisoners. It was just empty ships. I was like, oh, fuck. That means Leia and Chewie is stranded somewhere. We'll we'll deal with that when we get to it. And then Thrawn's like, oh, fuck, yeah, we've got them. I know exactly what ship they're going to take. Obviously Luke's like, "We're taking the Falcon back!"

4:48

M: I'm like, don't be an idiot. Just take another ship. I know it's like the Millennium Falcon. And you want it because it's like your family ship. Whatever. And it's like your second home or whatnot, but just get another ship. He's he's obviously going to be expecting you to take that ship, you know what I mean?

5:06

M: And he goes over to some Imperial guards and it's all like, I know you're taking this to the bowels of the ship, but it actually needs to go to like the loading bay. And like, no, he doesn't. We've literally just got orders that this has been taken to the bowels of the ship. And it's like, Oh no, these are new orders.

5:23

M: They just came through. One of the Imperial guards gets suspicious points a gun at Luke and Luke's like no, no, no, no, just look right here. I have my ID. Yah! Force grabs the gun out of his hand and I'm like, why doesn't he just mind trick him? Why did he not just go?

5:38

M: No, the the new orders is that I'm going to take the ship to where it needs to go, and then the fucking Imperial guards would have gone. Yeah, alright, we'll do that. But no, he just like yanks a gun out there and then beats one of them over the head with it.

J: Is he an idiot?

M: He is an idiot. Luke Skywalker's a fucking idiot.

5:53

M: There's always these, because it was written in the 80s early 90s as well, when the lore and the Canon wasn't really fleshed out. There'll be so much bullshit like Jedi powers which like I guess they exist back then or just to write something away.

6:09

M: But it's like, Luke jumped from the height of whatever but his extra-Jedi powers gave him leg muscles to cushion the landing. Fuck off, just say he's got a forced jump or something. But no, none of these things are properly established, so I guess they were trying to write it that way.

6:28

J: Yeah.

M: What about you? Anything..?

J: Finished off Jurassic Park. Very good!

M: Are you going on to the Lost World?

J: No.

M: Which apparently is completely different to the film.

J: Yeah, yeah. I mean the, er

M: The biggest difference is, it's good.

6:44

J: The first one was quite different to be honest with you.

M: There's no T-Rex escaping, getting onto the land or what not. Not in the book anyway.

J: Oh, right, in the in the second one you mean?

M: Yeah, that's not in the book. Speaking of which, you know, in the film?

J: Yeah.

M: It's just a T-Rex to take with them to like the mainland, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's not like little dinosaurs running about.

7:01

J: Yeah, I think it is just a

M: Yeah, because they've got it in the holding. It's like a proper King Kong moment where it's like on the ship. There's a bit when the ship's docked in, I don't know, the dock, and then they're looking around. And then there's a, there's a, like your boats have that, like there's an interior little kind of like a shack on top of the boat where your steering wheel is.

7:23

M: Yeah, there's doors. Anyway, there's like the part, the pilot, the driver, the captain's hand

J: *laughs*

M: Maybe the captain's hand? Yeah. The captain's hand holding onto the steering wheel. Steering wheel? Is that the proper nautical term for a ship's wheel? Rudder.

J: Think so.

M: The rudder wheel?

7:39

M: I'm not a sailor. I don't know!

J: *laughs* I also don't know the correct terms.

M: So he's holding onto the pirate wheel.

J: Yeah?

M: And it's just this severed hand, right?

J: Yeah.

M: And you think, oh, no. The T Rex has got out. How did it bite him? If he's like, if he's driving there and then the little compartment that he's in is fully intact, what bit him for his hand to be left on the wheel?

J: *laughs and slaps knee*

8:03

M: And that never sat right with me. Do you not remember that scene?

J: Yeah, I do now, Yeah.

M: Have you ever like cottoned on and gone, hang on a minute...

J: Yeah, this doesn't make any sense!

M: This makes no sense. This is something missing so that it feels like maybe like other dinosaurs were there but they just didn't.

8:22

M: They cut all that shit for time, maybe? But then they left that scene in.

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

M: But even if it were like velociraptors, something like which could have got in and eaten him, they'd rip him to shreds. Like, he's not going to hold one hand, gripped tight on the wheel. It'd have to feel like a clean bite.

8:38

M: Like, 95% of his body is in that creature. And then the .5%, well the 5%, his hand is just loose there. If it was, if I was getting ripped apart by velociraptors, I'm not going to. I'm going to like, let go of the wheel, aren't I? I'm not going to hold on for dear life.

8:54

J: Well, you don't wanna the crash.

M: I think he was already parked. Parked? Is that right? Do you do park a ship?

J: I don't know. I don't know any of the terms, I'll be honest. I know that there's a boat, there's a boat, that it's got a wheel. *laughs*

M: And a rudder.

9:11

M: And they aren't fond of icebergs.

J: *laughs* Fuckin' hell. But yeah, I finished Jurassic Park. Very fucking good.

M: Out of 10. Out of how many Dennis, Dennis Nedrys? How many Dennis Nedrys out of Dennis Nedrys?

9:29

J: Oh wait, is it, is it a 10 or am I just marking it in Dennis Nedrys?

M: Nah, you can have like 5 Dennis Nedrys as your top mark.

J: That, well I was, I was going to say that I'm going to give it 5 Nedrys.

M: Right. OK, that's fine.

J: Really good.

M: That's a really good score.

J: There's only one bit in the whole book which I thought, come on, Crichton.

9:48

J: That was a bit lazy.

M: There's only one bit in the entire pot where I thought that's a bit of a stretch.

J: *laughs*

M: Cloning dinosaurs from a mosquito in resin? Psh! Give me a break. Oh, so the premise of the book is the one thing that didn't sit right with you?

10:07

J: No!

M: *laughs*

J: No, all that makes sense.

M: *laughs*

J: There was like, there was a paragraph during the bit where the T-Rex attacks the cars.

M: Right?

J: You know, when they're making their way back to the lodging when it's dark and it's raining.

10:24

M: Before he attacks them he plays with them like they're Micro Machines. That that that that bit when he puts his foot on a car and he goes: *immitates engine revving*

J: *laughs* He put a foot on each car and then he started rollerskating down the street.

Both: *laugh*

10:48

M: And meanwhile, Jeff Goldblum's screaming must go faster, must go faster, Must go faster. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I was like, come on, Crichton. Come on, Mick.

J: No, he like...

M: Come on, Mickey C.

J: *laughs* I can't, I can't remember the kid's name. What's what's the kid's name in it? I can't remember.

11:04

M: No fucking idea and I do not care.

J: He's in the car by himself and the car's like being smashed all over the fucking road. Like, he's like...

M: Is it the bit in the film when the T-Rex first gets out?

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

M: They've got that scene in Lego and I really want it.

J: Usually he's very good at describing shtuff.

11:22

J: Shtuff?

M: Slough?

J: He's really good at describing schmutz. Right? But this, this one paragraph where he's like, this happened crazily and then the car flipped crazily and then this crazily.

M: *laughs*

11:39

J: And I thought

M: *laughs*

J: There's there's other words. There's, there's more than that. D'you know what I mean? It was that one instance where I thought that was lazy writing, but the rest is incredibly good.

M: So, that scene was done better in the film?

J: *laughs*

M: It reminds me of, speaking of like, books that I really like, but like dropped off like for an entire book.

12:01

M: I can't remember which it was in the series, but I've read like most of the Dexter books. That's Dexter the serial killer, not Dexter the child genius.

J: Oh, right. Pfft.

Both: Boring! *laugh*

M: Right. And I think it's like the third or fifth book.

12:18

M: And I feel like Jeff Lindsay, the author, was really fucking padding for time because it's j-, I'd say about 40% of that book is Dexter stuck in LA traffic. And describing what it's like to be stuck in traffic.

12:33

J: That sounds fucking boring.

M: So like most of the chapters are like Dexter going to work. And it's like, ugh, LA traffic, the horns, the beeping, the red lights, the pedestrians walking faster than they are. Or, oh no, someone's gonna kill my kids, I better do something about it.

12:53

M: Get in the car. Oh, LA traffic, I guess we're here for another 2 chapters.

J: *laughs*

M: Really killed the fucking momentum of that entire book. The books got really fucking weird. Like I would say the series isn't the best.

13:09

M: I always say like, from the TV show standpoint, I'd say watch season 1, 2, skip 3 and then watch 4 and then just stop. The revival? I didn't mind it. They did a series revival.

J: It's been a long time since I've seen them. Which one's third season?

13:25

Third season has Jimmy Smits in it, AKA Bail 'Oregana', AKA Leia's adopted father from Alderon. I nearly said 'Oregano' then.

Both: *laugh*

M: Could be a Star Wars character! Could be a Star Wars planet!

13:42

M: You don't know with George Lucas and he's lazy writing. Bib Fortuna?

J: We have to. *laughs* Oh, we're gonna have to land on Oregano!

M: Yeah.

J: *Italian accent* Oh! Ey! What you fucking landin' 'ere for?

Both: *laugh*

M: Amazing.

14:01

M: But yeah, Jimmy Smits, he plays a guy who's, he works for the DA and he's investigating murders. Obviously, it's Dexter doing the murders. And then when he finds out it's Dexter doing the murders, he cottons on. It's like, oh, you're actually doing a really good thing here. I appreciate what you're doing.

14:17

M: This is really fucking cool. Teach me how to do it. And then he kind of does. And then he butchers it all up and then he has to kill him. Dexter has to kill him because he's, oh, no, I've created a monster. Nobody wants from me. I'm shady. I'm chopped liver!

J: *laughs*

M: And it's just boring.

14:35

M: It's just boring. So, first season's good, second season's also good. Third season's awful. Fourth season is the one with John Lithgow, the Trinity Killer. That's the fucking, that's some of the best TV ever. So good. John Lithgow's fucking amazing. And then season 4, 5, and 6 are just awful.

14:52

M: Just bad. The season finale is absolutely terrible. I used to own a Dexter shirt, like a white shirt with like Dexter and the blood splatter on it. I'm like, Oh yeah, cool. I fucking love Dexter. When I saw that season finale that I can't wear anymore and I just didn't. Threw in the trash. I felt embarrassed to wear it.

15:08

J: You know, I genuinely tried to finish it, I couldn't. I couldn't finish it. I left the the last season with like two episodes left.

M: Was that the very, very last season?

J: Yeah.

M: Dexter drives off into a hurricane and whatnot, but they did a revival last year.

15:26

M: They had another go at an ending and another go at an ending. So, Dexter's on the run, obviously, because everybody knows who he is in Miami now because he's found out. He lives in Alaska now. He's got a big beard. He's called Jeff Lindsay, which he's called Jim Lindsay, which is a reference to the author who wrote the books, Jeff Lindsay.

15:45

M: There's only one interesting scene, which I really liked in it, and it's where is Batista? Is his name, one of the police guys. He's in it for like a second on the last episode where he's like going, "Huh? Dexter Morgan's been shot? I better go see what's going on." I'm like, oh, that would have been cool to see him and the rest of the people dealing with, you know, working with an absolute, the world's biggest serial killer for like 8 years, 10 years, however long it's been.

16:09

M: That could have been interesting, but they just skipped all of that. This series is about him living in the woods, but his son finds him and his son's all grown up now. He's like 15 or something. I'm like, oh, this is cool. This is going to be interesting. He has something to do with it. And then it turns out he's just, he teaches his son to kill a bit and his son has a go at killing. And yeah, they kind of did that in the books as well.

16:27

M: It wasn't the best. But it ends with Dexter getting found out, similar to, well, not getting found out, but the police catch up with him and it ends with him... Classic! Because this is what every male fantasy is. It ends with him bleeding out in the snow, like how every guy wants to go.

16:43

J: That is the dream.

M: That is the dream. So, he's he's on his on his back, Walter White style. Camera's panning up. Bleeding out in the snow and he's being surrounded by police. And then there's a series coming out in a couple of weeks called Dexter Rewind or some bullshit.

17:03

M: Like it's not got Dexter Rewind, it's got Dexter First Cuts. But the symbol before first cuts is the classic rewind symbol on VCRs. That's why that's in my head.

J: Oh, right, ok.

M: It's a prequel set on- so there's a young actor playing Dexter and then all the caster is, like, younger versions of them, you know?

17:23

M: And I'm like, didn't we learn everything from the 5, 6 seasons through flashbacks? We all saw Michael C Hall with his "I'm 17 year old" wig on.

J: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

M: We've learned all hat shit.

J: Yeah.

M: Anyway, the the the thing is about this, it's actually a sequel to the last season that ended because the opening.

17:45

M: I've seen the trailer. The opening starts with Michael C Hall bleeding out and goes, "So this is, this is how you find me. They say that when you're about to die, your life flashes before your eyes." So, it's him being carted off into the hospital, imagining the first sea- or the first early days of him being Dexter and the dark passenger voice inside Dexter's head?

18:06

M: Is also voiced by Michael C Hall, so he's still involved in it, which is insane. It looks genuinely terrible.

J: It feels unnecessary.

M: It's so unnecessary. Like, why keep why? Why are they trying to keep Dexter in the zeitgeist?

18:23

M: It's alright. It's not a cultural phenomenon. It's like if they kept Breaking Bad going with a prequel... I know they did with Better Call Saul, but a prequel?

J: *laughs*

M: A prequel- which was really good! A prequel based around Walter White teaching.

J: Imagine that!

18:39

M: No, imagine a prequel

J: Imagine a prequel to Breaking Bad!

M: based around a boring Walter White teaching.

J: *laughs*

M: Ah, I was part of this really big tech startup. Oh, I got kicked out. I was, I don't know. I think the story of that goes: I was seeing this girl Greta, and Greta got with my best mate and then they kicked me out of the company. And they feel super bad about it.

19:02

M: And now I'm just a shitty high school teacher. Even though when they found out you got cancer, they were like, there's a place for you at this company (the company that I started). There's a place for you at this company! We'll we'll put you on the payroll! I was like, no, won't do that. Too proud. Right. What, did he leave of his own like, oh, it was a payout.

19:19

M: He took a payout, and it was a shit one at that, compared to what the company ended up being. Sort of like essentially those two people, Greta and her fella are kind of meant to be like, I don't know as as popular and as technologically advanced as like (and the guy's a fucking idiot...

19:36

..so I don't know why I was going to say the world's smartest man), but you know, like Elon Musk levels of, this is what we're doing this, you know, we're doing amazing things because... I think they were doing shit with like neural link stuff or brain shit or something. But yeah, Walter White just went. No, I'm just going to cook meth. Just going to cook blue meth.

19:52

M: It's going to be so good. What are you reading now?

J: I started Lord of the Rings

M: I've been thinking about that, 'cause um

J: Let me tell you, right?

M: *snorts* I did get that

J: J R R Tolkien...

M: *laughs*

J: Right? I'm enjoying it for the most part.

20:11

M: How many hours have you listened to it, and how much into the first book are you?

J: Maybe two and a half, three hours?

M: Ohh, they've not even left the Shire, have they?

J: I'm on chapter 3.

M: *laughs*

J: And that isn't even a joke! I'm on chapter 3! The foreword and the prologue was about 45 minutes to an hour.

M: Oooh!

20:29

M: I did learn recen-

J: Andy Serkis...

M: yeah?

J: ...has sung four songs and I am halfway through chapter 3 and he's had to sing a song four times

M: *laughs* That's insane! Do you know, I did...

J: *laughs*

M: I did learn recently because I've recently, I've recently just watched the extended Fellowship.

J: Yeah?

20:52

M: I've not gotten to the Two Towers yet, but I recently watched the extended Fellowship for the first time in fucking ages, properly. I don't think I've ever seen the extended ones before, but from my recollection I was like, none of this seems new to me, but I wasn't like an avid, avid watcher or whatever.

21:08

M: Very good film. Really, really good. Looks phenomenal considering it came out in 2001. You know, fuck! That troll looks really good! Fuck, that burrow looks really good! How does everything look so fucking good? And then I was like the differences between the show and the book. So like in the film, the show in the film, it's like Frodo, you've got the ring now, keep it safe.

21:28

M: I'll be back in a bit. I've just gotta see Sauron on about a thing. Just want to find out about something. I want to make sure this is that ring. I'll be back in a bit. In the book, he like, comes back like the next day, you know? It's like, oh, get out

J: Oh, in the movie he does, yeah?

M: Yeah, in the movie

J: In the book it's like 9 years

M: Like 17, 9 years or something.

21:47

M: It's like Frodo's like 30-odd by the time he fucking leaves the Shire. He has a whole life!

J: He's 50.

M: Frodo's fucking 50 by the time he fucking leaves?

J: Yeah, yeah yeah

M: Jesus Christ! I'm glad they didn't keep that in the film. Really hurries the pace along, *snaps fingers* for a four hour film,

22:05

M: it hurries the pace along!

Both: *laugh*

M: For a four hour film, I'm glad they didn't make Frodo- What was he doing in the Shire all that time? Were the fucking Nazguls not after him? The fucking Ring Wraiths?

J: Erm...

M: Did he just never put it on in that entire time, or?

22:38

J: No, 'cause

M: In the film the Ring Wraiths are going, alright, yeah. They tortured gollum for a little bit, for a hot minute, and then Gollum was like, the Shire, whatever, Baggins. You know, 'cause he knows. That's where the Ring Wraiths cotton on and go, "Oh aye, yeah, alright, we'll, we'll ask around." So they're like, knocking on doors. "Have you heard of the Shire? Do you know of a Baggins?" I'm pretty sure there's a bit in the film when a Ring Wraith walks up to a guy. Oh, Oh yeah, because he doesn't say I'm looking for a Hobbit called.

22:56

M: No, he just goes "Baggins," or "Bag End," wherever they're fucking from and he goes "Oh, it's that way!" Yeah, it all happens pretty lickety split, innit?

J: Yeah, yeah, He's like, because nothing really happens in that time, do you know what I mean? Where I'm up to now is, they have left the Shire, but only just.

23:17

M: Has Bilbo had his big party?

J: Yeah.

M: How long did that fucking take?

J: *laughs* How long did it take?

M: That's the one thing that puts me off, like listening to the books because I could not read it. I don't think I'd have the attention span.

J: When Tolkien is actually giving you the story

M: Oh aye, when he's giving you the business?

23:36

J: Here's a thousand pages of exposition, history, this is what the hobbits are known for. Fucking, all this shit, right?

M: He's definitely autistic.

J: Probably. Yeah.

Both: *laugh*

J: I just remembered, right

23:54

M: And now I'm going to describe every hobbit's individual toe

J: *laughs*

M: And why it has hairs all over it.

J: One of the things that's in like the foreword which is...

M: Are we recording by the way?

♪ Jingle plays ♪

24:22

M: Are we, are we..?

J: [triumphantly] Welcome to another episode of Trapped in the Cube!

M: Do we just keep this cold open going?

J: *laughs* We can if you want

M: Yeah. I was going to say, should we go back and re-record a cold open? Because we just got too engrossed in in talking books. Talking books and not giving fucks.

J: We're all the books and none of the fucks.

24:43

M: We're a book podcast now.

J: *laughs*

M: Deal with it! Reading? Psh. Not for the blind. I don't know if you all know this, but we're all blind in the cube.

J: *laughs*

M: As soon as you enter the cube you get your sight removed. A fat pelican pecks 'em out.

25:03

J: Not to be confused with the Albatross that tucks you in.

M: You know it's a very bird-lead culture in the cube. It's a, what do you call it? Like a like a monarchy, but of birds.

J: Do you know what, I was

25:18

J: actually trying to think of something, because it wouldn't be like... I was thinking, right, hierarchy, right? I was thinking

M: Patriarchy.

J: Patriarchal or matriarchal

M: Yeah?

J: And then I was thinking, would it be?

M: Unless all the birds are

25:33

M: male and female, I don't know.

M: Well, would it be 'aviarchal?'

M: *burps* Maybe. *laughs* I imagine how how how that burp ended up then, I imagine that's the noise that whales make when they spurt water out their spout.

25:49

J: You sounded, like, I mean, I always think this when you burp, but you sound like you sound like the intro to TNT by ACDC.

M: Oh, yeah. Sometimes. You know, I genuinely thought you were gonna, I thought you were gonna say something like worse. Like every time you burp, I think it sounds exactly like Bryan Adams,

26:09

M: Run to You, or something like that. Or, I got my first real 6 string. It just sounds like that song. If it was played at a fraction of a second, that's what it would sound like. *sings* When the feeling's right, I'm gonna run all...

J: *imitates burp* *laughs*

M: ...night, I'm going to run to you.

26:25

M: Do you want to hear that at 50 speed? *imitates burp* What's this silly thing you've remembered in this book?

J: In the prologue which is written... no, I say the foreword, which is massive, right?

26:43

J: The foreword takes about 20 minutes to get through.

M: Do you not feel like you're getting cheaped, cheat, cheated out of... Because it's split up into three books, right? But it should be one thick fat book. They just split it into three books for ease.

26:58

M: Like, you can't actually buy The Lord of the Rings as a fat book. On Audible or other listening book stores, you can't, you can't get it like that. You just have to buy it or spend 3 credits on three volumes. I'm like, you could have done it as one fat one, couldn't you?

J: I know, but,

27:14

J: it is 20 hours.

M: Each.

J: Yeah.

M: Yeah, and it is like free each month I guess. Do you think you're going to finish this in a month?

J: Maybe.

M: It'd last me about half a year because I only listen to like 20 minutes, 30 minutes a day with a book, beacause

27:31

J: Yeah, I mean well, I I get maybe about 40 minutes a day.

M: Are you listening to and from your journeys, or?

J: Just on my walk to work.

M: Yeah, I'm the same, just on my way to work. But, nah I'm like, I can't sit and listen at home. I get fidgety.

J: Yeah, I can't focus on that

27:48

J: if I'm doing something else

M: Yeah, I can't focus on that because I'm like, oh look at that corner over there. Wonder what that corner's thinking about. Shit, I need to be doing something with my hands, I can't just sit still. It's the ADHD in me. I just get fidgety and like start playing myself like a fucking ape.

J: Urrgh!

M: Like a fucking ape!

J: *laughs*

28:09

M: Not like for sexual gratification. Do you know like I like toddles and apes or just play with their junk? I'll be listening to a book on my own... *fabric swooshing sounds*

J: What, strumming it?

M: Yeah, I guess. Just general stretching it, picking at it.

J: *laughs* Picking at it?

Both: *laugh*

28:26

I guess I just, yeah, I just something think about it with and if I have a fidget toy or something like that, I'm not going to concentrate on the thing. Yeah, yeah, just whatever. And I'm not one of those people because somebody's like, Oh yeah, we're a put on a game and then I'll just listen to a podcast or something.

28:43

I, you know, you clearly, I get it if it's those games, like you're just playing online and shit. But even then the sound will drone. I, you know, gradually, like sometimes I like go, I'll listen to something. I go, oh, this will work. I'll listen to a book or something while I'm building like a big Lego set. Oh yeah, I got a couple of hours of that book done.

29:00

By the time I've like built what I've built, I'm like I don't hear a God damn thing that guy said, concentrating on building the Lego. It's nice to have background noise, but that's what it is. It's background noise. Like I watch something and I'll not take it in because I'm building something.

29:15

Yeah, yeah. Like otherwise it's just so I'm very easily distracted. I have managed to. Myself, but it's only when I've, if I'm listening to a podcast or something, I can't just sit the motion exactly what I mean. So I feel like I have to be doing like something has to occupy me.

29:33

What do you actually? People are doing more than listen to this podcast. Oh fucking. So you're doing really well. Keep. Going be a bit gentler. Be a bit nicer with her. She's she's sensitive. That's a sensitive bit.

29:49

Tell her you love her, Whisper it to her, get close to her and even say it. Come in area. Do it. She'll like that. And men, don't be afraid to make a little noise. Ask her. If it's like being at the baths, I know she's struggling to get out of her just.

30:10

And as you, as she's lying on her back, knees up in the air, make your way over to her vagina and just make this noise, she'll love it. The only podcast made for fucking reading books and talking about Fox.

30:33

Welcome to the cube. Do an. Impression of Charlie Brown's teacher I know. Is Charlie Brown's teacher?

30:49

Oh my God. World. Famously known for growing out women, Yeah. Here here. Where it is, if you're listening, we totally do. From the. Back. That'll get us some fans, my Lord.

31:06

Have you listened to this new podcast? Episode 4? They talk about eating it from the back. Why? Oh really? What caught on to that? I don't know something about Lord of the Rings of Jurassic Park. Sounds. Coherent. Oh yes, coherent. Some would describe this podcast as a coherent as a cube, the most coherent of shapes.

31:29

Looking brilliant. We should. Have called ourselves the Coherent Cube. Or maybe that's an entity that can live here. Oh shit, it's the Coherent Cube. What it just. Says straight or something? Yeah. Oh fuck. What's it? What's his job? I will figure it out. His. Job is to be coherent, keeps continuity, yeah.

31:47

Go on this silly bit in What are the rings? It's in the foreword. Right, the foreword was written by the 4th. Word yeah, every 4th. Word was written by talking. No wonder it's so weird. Isn't the foreword just The Hobbit? No, he's like, why didn't you start?

32:06

With The Hobbit. That's the. First one, that's the first book of the trilogy, the four part trilogy. It's it's. It's the shortest one by by far, and it's also the one most aimed at children, and I couldn't really be asked with it.

32:26

32:53

How would you ever rate it to the first 3 chapters of Journey to the West? Because it cannot be better than the first 3 chapters, Journey to the West. That's where it was The best, that is. True, he's fighting. Gods, he's going to hell.

33:08

He's he's being his big head. Just seeing annoying menace. To society, he's eating all the. Peaches, he's drinking all the ale. He has a. Massive holy war against heaven.

33:23

He has a love hate relationship with a bold demon, King Swan. Brothers, Swan Brothers. God it's beautiful. Honestly, considering that was written fucking hundreds of years ago. Why is it so good? What is it? It's. Like 15th century, I think, yeah. There's also like conjecture and it no one really knows.

33:43

It's like any place between like 16th to 18th century but still insane. Like the imagination and the I guess it's just myth in it really. Like you can look at some Greek gods and Greek mythology and it's all similar stories but this just feels very modern and anime.

34:01

It's so cool. Like if you drew the first 3 chapters, you've got to write a really good anime shooter to draw the first 3 chapters of Journey to the West. Just specifically the Sun Wukong opening. What an absolute fucking treat that would be to visualize that if you took it verbatim from the book.

34:21

Oh amazing, beautiful. You do the same with the first 3 chapters of Lord of the Rings. Verbatim from the book. Are you having a good time? Songs included. Joe, what I'm going to say. Yeah, because when it's a bad time, very good.

34:39

Oh, no, better. You know, you asked you asked if I was having a good time, right? I. Meant a better time, no? No, because Journey to the Worst is so action-packed. Just one thing after another, just cascading down on you.

34:56

It's so good and it's violent. That's always fun. Yeah, so the Jr. Talking was pretty pussy about it. Sure, some. Blood that's something I want to say going back to Jurassic Park yeah the I know like obviously I've not read the books, but a lot of book when you find out like Oh yeah, there's the book version of it contains random sex scenes or there's like detailed sex scenes or something A lot of books do that.

35:24

I don't know why there's do like you're it there's a fucking orgy in the sewers. Why not? Yeah. Any weird sex scenes in Jurassic Park The book, No. Not boring. I want to see. Shit shit book I want to see. Muldoon get it on with a velociraptor.

35:41

Michael Clayton I wanted to see. I want to see a. Velociraptor eat Maldono from the back and then as that Velociraptor sits his tongue really fire up his bump. He goes clever girl. Where's that Michael?

35:58

Well, is that Nikki? See. Yeah. Where's my clever girl rim job Velociraptor scene? Oh my God, also. Again, we're back to Jurassic Park because you've listened to it, the narrator reading it, you show me a snippet and it does a really good job, you know, doing like different voices and stuff for different people.

36:20

The dinosaur noises, is it just go in and then the T right said raw crazily. Or is it just growl? Or is it does? Does it do a Chewbacca talking?

36:37

No. It doesn't shit. It's, it's more descriptive of the war, right? Do you know what I mean? So it'll say like the Tyrannosaur was void and it was solo that it reverberated through my skull, right?

36:58

You know what I mean? It was like it's, it's more of a a descriptive of how the sound is affected the character's body rather than what the sound sounds. That's fair enough. I would appreciate some audio roles though. It was a. Point that he wouldn't.

37:13

Be able to do it just as though I actually will die. I reckon they just. Take sound clicks from the film. Just do it that way. Oh well. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, I'm doing fine. But yeah, genuinely quite frightening to listen to.

37:29

Like it's a horror. I'll definitely. I'll definitely make sure that's my next lesson. It's really. Good though after I finished. Part 3 of whatever the last of this Thrawn trilogy is like there's. In Jurassic Park there's two prologue chapters but the only shot.

37:45

Are you listening? Talking. Are you listening? Where's your shot? Prologue Put your. Shot. foreword one of them's. Like any songs? Are you listening talking? How many dinosaurs are in in Middle Earth?

38:03

Giant elephants do not count. What a hack. What the heck coming for your? Talking. Oh my God, yeah. All of your tits and all. More white now.

38:19

I can't fit jerking, talking and tits all in one. No, it's too. It's too fast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's too far. Looks to a Jossy Park and both of them I was like listening to them on my way to work like.

38:37

Good God. God, yeah, yeah, he's very good describing shit apart from that one polygraph and that one shelter. But I would say. There's a similar, really good with similar audio drama that had a similar effect on me.

38:53

It was the first part of the Sandman audio dramas. Oh yeah. Which are really fucking good. You should definitely like get them on your listen list. I think there's just two parts to it. I think are working on Part 3, I believe. But James McAvoy is the voice of Dream and Kat Jennings is the voice of death.

39:17

The cast in the audio drama is a better cast than the Netflix show, which is insane. Like it has it has more, it has more star Paul, you know what I mean? Andy Serkis is in it. He plays Matthew the Raven. I believe Kevin Smith has an appearance in it.

39:34

He plays Pumpkinhead or just Jack the Pumpkin. Yeah, I can't remember what it is, but yeah, there's a there's a chapter in that which is called like 24 hours or some shit like that. Some serial killers got some diamond or some gem where it can just make people do whatever they want.

39:54

And he's in this little diner on what is essentially just Gotham, I guess because it is ADC related property is is in. Sometimes it's got Gotham feels. If it would be anywhere, it'd be fucking Gotham. It's like a diner that is in and it's all like you 1950s style, top up your coffee for you and shit like that.

40:11

Progressively as the night goes on, this guy who's like controlling people, he starts making them do like sort of like creepy weird things and shit. So it's all like, Oh yeah, why don't you just like start making out or something like that, You know, something weird or. But then eventually it just ends up with just them nailing their tongue to the table and someone just like slitting the tendons of the fingers in between and just like nailing the hand to the and then ripping off the Dick and shit like that.

40:41

And honestly, I was riding to I was riding to work and I was just like, this started the entire chapter. You, you listeners will not get this face at all. But I was just like this. Oh, oh, it's, it's so goddamn visceral.

40:58

It's it's so good. The listener That face was surprise and disgust, probably. Makes up Robert De Niro's general amused face. You said for the listener that why is that there's a visual element to this but not not yet.

41:20

When they do watch this on YouTube, it'll just be just a big thumbnail and that's it. There might be some hashtags and handles on socials flashing up the bottom maybe, yeah. I don't know. That's something you got to. Figure out. If it do, we'll figure it out.

41:36

Yeah, we'll figure it out. Yeah, Jack will. Figure it out. I'll figure it out. It'll be all. It'll be fun because you're. Doing, say, most of the editing, all of the editing for everything and probably like because the laptop stays here, you're probably going to be like social media in charge as well.

41:54

Oh my God. I mean give. Me the passwords and I'll do it off on my phone. I don't mind tweeting and blue sky in and whatnot threading about X. In X in. God, Dada doing all that shit. I ain't paying for it even yeah, I don't mind doing doing all that shit, but I was thinking like, oh, probably gonna if if we do, when we do get monetized, it's probably split like it'll be like a 6040 split your way because you're doing the because you're doing the extra editing.

42:25

I think I was only phone. This is a verbal contract. The listener heard it. The listeners until until. We can like, I don't know, pay someone to do it better than you, I tell. You actually, Well, yeah, it'd be.

42:41

Easy for you? Oh yeah. Fucking ways. And then we can just split. It 5050 and then they can get a pittance a. Pittance. Yeah. Then they won't want to work with us very long. No, we'll tell. Them it's a good rate. I've been at it in for like 15 years. I think I know my rate. No, we'll pay you an exposure.

42:59

Think of the audience of two that you'll be reaching. Are we going to become bad people? Isn't it? No, we'll be a. Parody of bad people, that's why. That way when he gets paid very, very little, it'll be funny because it's a parody of us being bad people.

43:18

And then they'll be like why? Why am I only getting paid like £2.00 an hour for this? That's the joke. It's funny. Edit Make a sound better as well because.

43:36

Make me sound like not an idiot, please. Yeah, in this. In this foreword by Tolkien. You get into this foreword is probably as long as this foreword, yeah.

43:54

I've heard the bad thing. He's like talking about writing the book, right? And at one point he says he says something's. Talking talking's. Talking Oh, we need to do a. Podcast where we exclusively talk about talking call talking talking. I guarantee that exists.

44:10

If you are the Talking Talking podcast, reach out. Tell us how wrong and off base we are about lot of tell us how to. Podcast. Yeah, he just had to do that. God is that talking. Talking so boring. I bet they never talk about eating it from the bat.

44:28

Instantly burning bridges, talking. Talking, Do you guys eat from the back burning bridges? What are you on about it? This means like if there's any crossover, right? So it's just off the off chance someone's a big fan of talking talking.

44:44

They listen to our podcast and we randomly mention this podcast that might, may or may not exist. Talking, talking, talking, talking. Then get tagged in this clip and it'll get sent out where we're having a go at talking, talking because they don't eat it from the back. But the guys that stuck in the cube eat it from the back and we talk talking.

45:05

Fuck you guys, Webber. Watch them all be like in the 50s, married with kids. Because when you settle down, you just stop eating it from the back. What a lame excuse. Talking, talking, fucking Mark and Jed.

45:21

One of them's got to be called Mark. Jed's a stretch. Jed is a. Stretch. It's an idiot. I was. Going to say Matthew, but then I'll just say Luke and John because that's oh, my head's going. John's a very common. Name I think. I think. I think that's why I said Jed, because I was trying to stop myself from saying John fucking John Paul and Ring.

45:42

Anyway, if this reaches out for you, yeah, we'll do a crossover episode. Classy people drinking wine while we're on our best of a bad bone. How?

46:01

Many. Times Can we talk about talking The Honda episode they're on? Surely it's not an ongoing thing. The young The guy lived and died and he wrote what, 4 books? And, well, what more than? That, yeah, but based. On Middle Earth, though, I was like, yeah, still a lot more than that. There's this. There's this salmonella.

46:18

Yeah, yeah, there's The Hobbit. It's the under score. Check in. No, yeah, which is just a law. Dumping it like, yeah, yeah, but. Yeah, it was a Samurarian. The silver million. Yeah, the silly mill. The silly million, the silly millions of random plot points is what it should be called.

46:40

The silly million pieces of bur shit that fleshes out of this world. You figure out where it goes, Yeah. Silly. This this similar Lillian? Yeah, yeah. The Hobbit, the three main books, and then you want a lot of shit about.

46:59

The war in Gondol, the Rohibin. Like yeah, the one of the stories about the new anime film. That's coming out in a couple of week. That was one did. He like for the Netflix show? No, it's not. It's a film, isn't it? It's an anime, is it? Yeah. The war. The war.

47:16

No the anime. I thought it was a series. It'd. Be better as a series because no one's going to the cinema in 2024 watching an anime. Lord of the Rings film, I think because of Rings of Power, wasn't received that well. Lord of the Rings isn't really in a lot of people's mindset at the moment.

47:33

Like it's not as popular as it was. If they did this War of Rohan, Rohan Rohaim film, If they did this animated film before The Hobbit or in in between The Hobbit films, yeah, I think it would have made some good money at the pictures. I don't think this film's going to do well at the box office.

47:51

I just I just I just don't see there's an audience for it because I feel like a lot of the grown because Lord of the Rings is kind of like a dad flick in it. Dad's love. It's like Gladiator or it's like Top Gun. Dad's fucking love. Lord of the Rings. I can't see dad. Dad's going watching a quote UN quote cartoon.

48:06

You know what I mean? It's drawn. No, that's not for me because there there's a lot of minds that people still have that anything animated is purely for kids, which is absolutely disgusting. I I say that to people all the time. Like you're missing out on some genuine good content, good stories, even if they're not like even if they're aimed at kids, I still think you're getting some of the best narratives out there.

48:31

Like I fucking love Adventure Time, some amazing stars in that fucking love regular show. I doubt if the regular show should be for kids the way they deal with certain like relationships and plots and every now every now and again they'll drop in a couple of like S bombs and then there's even a fucking one of the episodes somewhere.

48:49

But in the even in some of the kind of net occurrence they managed to slit the word shit in there a few times. Insane considering it's a kid show. They are just a good slacker comedy though. Well a good slacker comedy. They would have definitely done an episode where Mordecai and Rigby did a podcast if it was still ongoing because they have got the whole meet.

49:09

They did the whole media wars our thing. Didn't they like VHS, Blu-ray, DVDHDDVD? Surprised when HDDVD came up was being a down and out one time only thing. I'm like holy shit, they referenced that JC Quinzel what a guy. Jim Caesar the show close enough.

49:28

Yeah it's good Netflix. It's essentially just Regular Show. But if Rigby grew up and Rigby Makai, yeah, grew up and had kids and married someone, I guess. But yeah, he looks like a person. But it's still it's it's still Regular Show.

49:45

I mean. It looks like JG Quintle, yeah. Yeah, just looks like. Him. Yeah, it is very good. But yeah. I do want to watch the wardrobe exam when it comes out. I just don't think I'd bother going to cinemas watching it. Yeah, because again, I'm like this.

50:01

It feels like something that should be on streaming. I can't see you doing well so in this foreword. So this foreword he's he's talking about him writing the book, right? Is this like? How Bilbo's like he's writing like Lord of the Rings stars and Billbo's writing The Hobbit there and back again.

50:25

I think that's what he calls The Hobbit in in world because essentially he's just writing his adventures in it. Yeah, yeah. Is that what it is or is it Jr. Cole can going oh, the bombs are dropping. Best write a book. That's what it was that oh, but now to. The roadside.

50:42

He was saying like, oh, so I I vote this and this was happening and then I vote that bit and that was happening and then I stopped writing for a bit and I did this and I did that. And then after one year I started writing again and I was doing this and I was doing that and then I wrote that bit.

50:57

Was it Ranger Than I did 1 not. Before, and I think it was world. War One, wouldn't it? I'm pretty sure. I'm fairly I don't think it was 2 it. Was older than two. I'm pretty sure he was. Older than two when he was no Yeah, pretty. Sure he was. Lord of the Rings is older than World War 2, right?

51:14

I'm gonna have to check the guys are talking. Talking, just laughing at us right now. Oh, they figured. This out, if they listen, they've got. Me, they've got me to a teal if they listen to this. Like, that's absolutely bullshit.

51:30

51:47

Up I got. I got to work without healing any Lord of the Rings, Oh my. God, I don't know if I can listen to it like as soon as you get. Past the forewords we talk about and the prologue, have we made some?

52:05

Toast on his fire. Like just. Put a long fork on a stick of bread and held it over because he didn't have toasters back then. The prologue. If I could re edit all of Lord of the Rings that make one difference. It'll be some point when Gandalf walks into Bilbo slash Frodo's, well, no Frodo's house because he's got the deed for it

52:27

And then everything's going normal. He's he gets so he's got the envelope and he's got the ring in the envelope. And then toaster just pops up and toast comes out. Just a plain white like marble white toaster like a shitty plastic. You want you see the card going into a plug and then the rest of the film is the same and it would be that small and insignificant that if this right, this is thing.

52:51

If I had billions of dollars and a like a budget, I would make a, I would attempt to make as a film as good and as meticulous as Lord of the Rings. But I would put something like that and it like something like from the Naked Gun films or something.

53:07

Just just one in every fucking film, one silly visual gag in an absolute Oscar worthy film and it'd be so funny and so, well, not funny, just so weird and out of place. People would go, what the fuck was that? But it's not fucking Telstra over there. Pay no mind to it. No one even knows it.

53:22

The whole film would carry on by the time the credit roll, everyone would forgot about it until and chill. They ride over the car wherever it goes. Oh yeah, yeah, it's really good. Oh yeah. Do you like that bit? Oh, that fucking fight is in really good. And then someone in the back of there goes you see that toaster?

53:38

See that toaster? Didn't you see that that toaster bone to anyone else? Just somewhere. I'd love to do that if I was a serious filmmaker.

53:56

Oscar worthy films a silly, goofy, makes no sense moment in it. No one's taking the risk and doing that. That'd be my shtick. God, he's a brilliant director, but we can't give him an Oscar because he fucking put a toaster in this fucking, I don't know, the gas chamber scene in Ashford.

54:16

It's you just do shit was less right and it's panning around. It's still in black and white as everyone. I've never seen channels. I said I don't know if this is in there, but I assume there's a gassing scene in there because it's what it's about. Yeah. Cameras panning. Around they're in the showers, the gas is coming through, everyone's choking.

54:34

Then in the distance somewhere there's a guy with a little rubber ring on. I got a little white float it and it's like, it's got like a duck's head on it. Like wear his crotches. He's wearing arm bands and his proper lathering and showering up and he's angling and you see like, like cartoon bubbles come from his mouth, but you only see him for a second.

54:54

And the rest of the film plays on just somewhat like that. Serious. Film or I think this is even harder to do. You do a comedy which is on the vein of like a Naked Gun and stuff like a spoof or a parody, but you have one absolute peek Oscar worthy moment in it where you're like, fuck these guys can fucking act if the.

55:16

Wife of tea? Oh yeah, like. Yeah, Are you watching like Deadpool and Wolverine? There's that scene in the car where like Wolverines like proper laying into Deadpool condom piece of shit and all that, right? I'm like some good shit. I was like, I'm like, oh, I wasn't expecting. I mean, I know.

55:33

God, what's his name? Claw man, Australian. Claw man Australian. You mean Hugh? Jackman, Hugh Jackman. Like, I was like, yeah, Hugh Jackman is a good actor. He was like, even when he was in Logan, you know, when he was doing the serious Wolverine film, I was like, yeah, yeah, he's good.

55:48

He's got some good character moments. It's good. I would say. I would argue that the scene with him and Deadpool in the car is like, way more emotional than anything in that, you know, cool. I might just pull me out the film, but in a good way. Yeah. I would do the reverse of it, but it's harder to do the rest.

56:04

It's just easier and cheaper to do it the silly way in a serious film. Yeah, yeah, far easier. Why you do this? Scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy Defrane is getting absolutely butchered in the showers by the sisters and as as they're all there like ready for have a go on Andy Defrane, you know, in his asshole.

56:24

One guy just in the back and he's holding like a a really old plunger. You're not doing anything with, you're just holding it. What's he going to do? That plunger? That's my dream if I ever have the millions. No ones do it because people are too scared.

56:41

People are too scared to do these things in films these days. You're still on the. foreword. The prologues of which they were like 3 or 4 makes no sense. You should have one. It's all just. Hobbit history does he talk about?

56:58

Like the hobbits before they were hobbits. Why? Didn't they evolve? Into hobbits, like the hobbits are like known for like staying put, right? That's just what they do. They stay put and whatever. But from my understanding in the law, I don't, I don't think. So in the law they were. Originally travellers and they went from place to place and they never stayed put.

57:17

They didn't have a tone, they don't have a settlement. They were essentially just travellers. They had their like caravan and holler houses and stuff on that wheels and shit. They would go to a little campsite they would set up and then they'd stay there for a night or two, gather some light supplies and foraging and stuff and then the beyond.

57:32

And they were known as like a travelling race. They were called like like half foots or something, or little foots, but they weren't called hobbits yet. I'm, I'm going about like, I think 1000 years in the war, whatever. And I'm just purely basing this on like the first season of Rings of Power because because they're not called hobbits.

57:50

And then I looked up and apparently that's what they were about then. Does he mention that? It does talk about how they settled and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember them being called something else in the poll log book. Yeah, yeah.

58:05

Talked about. Were you paying attention? At that point, were they settled? I was, I was trying to, I'm being honest with you. Are you going to? Are you going to stick with? That after you've done these 20 hours, are you going to like put yourself in for another 40 hours of two towers in a return? Maybe.

58:21

But then. Again, I might start something else because I I I. Can't do that. If I start a trilogy and I know it's a trilogy, I have to finish it. Like so say if I do listen to Jurassic Park next, I will have to listen to the last word straight after it. That doesn't go.

58:36

That didn't go for the Witcher series though, because the Witcher series would do dip in and out of, but I feel like that's more of a an anthology thing anyway, so it's fine, yeah. You. Know the way that I'm sort of treating. It is like once I finish a book I'll have a polyclose with something else so I don't get bored of this world, right?

58:57

I get here. You know what I mean? So like, I've had a Witcher, I've had a Jurassic Park, I've had a Lord of the Rings, and I might start something else and I might go back to Witcher. Then I might start some. I kind of do the. Same, but I feel like I'm just constantly switching between sci-fi and fantasy so I I am trying like my best to make more work make my way through all the discord books.

59:19

But for a for a spell I decided Ash Ash it's like like a fucking. Also I know he's this has happened most.

59:34

Of times when you've heard I know he's. You've heard. I know he's downstairs. And then you look like another dog who's heard a dog I. Know he's downstairs, but I'll still look like like he's behind me or in the room. I know he's not here.

59:51

Like I can see what he's fucking yapping at. So yeah, I'm trying to obviously, I'm trying to make my way through every single Discworld book. The way the Discworld books work, they've got like certain characters that have their series, but you don't necessarily have to read them in order.

1:00:07

Like so for example, I've read none of the wizard books. No, I've, I've read two of the wizard books, which would be based on the main wizard in that series is Rincewind. So I've read two or three of his books. So that was like from back in the day, physical reading when I used to actually read books when I had an attention span.

1:00:28

And I really like Rincewind. He was my favorite character for the longest time. And that's only because I played when I was a child, a child, 1011, whatever. I played a clicking point game called Discworld, which was obviously based on the books, which I didn't know at the time. Eric Idle voiced Rincewind.

1:00:43

Obviously. I like Eric Idle from Monty Python. Really good games, really funny. I really like the story. When I found out they were fucking books, I was like, fuck yeah, I want to read them. I want to know more about this world because I fucking love that world. It's great. It's interesting, but the way they are laid out is like you don't have to necessarily read them all in order.

1:01:05

There's only two books that follow on from each other and that's the first two which is colour of Magic and light fantastic. I think that's what they both called. But that's the only ones that follow on from each other. Like directly like I you, you should be able to new reader pick up any book, whether it be a rinse win book, a book based on one of the witches, a book based on the night watch or a book based on death should be pick up any one of them in any order and it should be fine for you.

1:01:34

You know, it shouldn't really make a thing. Yeah, there's some characters that crossover and stuff, but you don't need to know about them. Like they might see the the fucking Lord veterinarian who's not the governor of the time, but he's like the ruler of the city where it's all based.

1:01:50

I can't remember what is is a petition petition. I don't know what the proper name is for him, but the only series that I have done from start to finish, and I did them all in one go, and there's a lot of them was the Night's Watchmen books, which are essentially it's just like a police serial drama but in like a medieval fantasy setting.

1:02:11

But all the cops are like dumb except for like the main guy. It's really cool. There's also this, this is something I really like. There's also this really good ongoing narrative. There's all this thing I going like. So this main cop who's like a disgruntled, I don't give a shit cigarette smoking guy, Fuck you for that.

1:02:28

I'm not going to follow the wall to a tee. I might break the rules to get my own way. Sort of thing called Vymes. Really cool character was another guy and in the first book, the first watch book, he's called Cara and he's a dwarf, but he's not actually a dwarf. He was adopted by the dwarfs.

1:02:43

He just thought he was really fucking tall and he's called Cara because his of his shape. It's like long shoulders and it tapers down and it's all like a carrot. Not because he's not ginger, it's just that's why he's called carrot. And anyway, and it keeps leading up to the fact that so Angkor Park, the city, the main city in the Discworld, should have had a king.

1:03:08

And but hundreds of years ago it did have a king and it had a monarchy and all that shit, but eventually, eventually just lost when no one knew who the next was. And it's constantly giving you hints that Cara is the rightful and king and ruler to like Mopo. He has the sword. You hear the sword's got like amazing all around.

1:03:26

It's like a sort of special sword, but no one complaints why it's a special sword. And there's so many hints that like, this guy is the actual should be the king and he should rule like Mopo, and he has a claim to the throne. But it never happens. And it's just always one of those things, like it's suddenly hinted at until it's aggressively hinted at.

1:03:45

And then you think, did these characters know? Does he know that he should be the ruler because he's an idiot as well? But I just love that. I love the setting up or something that never pays off. I just think that's cool. I think it's funny, I think it's interesting. I've also read a lot the Death books, because Death's like the most interesting character.

1:04:04

Because he's the only character who appears in everybody's story. Because he's Death, you know, also in the lore of this world, Wizards and magic users can just see him. If you're a normal person or another creature, you see him at the moment before you die.

1:04:20

Have a bit of dialogue with him and deaths, really, he's an interesting character. I love like the way they set up the whole sort of astral plane sort of stuff and that were like gods and shit like that. Or they're only exist because they have a need to exist.

1:04:38

So there's like they have the main gods, which is like there's four or five in the sort of like the Greek pantheon, sort of the pantheon of it all right, Four or five main ones. It could be a bit more, but they also have small gods and small gods come into existence Willy nilly.

1:04:55

If if enough people believe like of a God that exists, that God will just then exist. If enough people pray to a God that will exist, if people just stop believing in a God, it will die. You know what I mean? And death exists as a necessity. It just exists because what what what the foot do people go when they die?

1:05:13

You need death. And because death is a necessity and people need to die. So, you know, the body turns into dust and whatnot, and then the Earth can take those resources in and stuff. If Death didn't exist, that wouldn't happen. So because death needs to exist, that's why people die, and that's why death exists, to make that happen.

1:05:34

Because there's a really good book called Reaper Man, when Death is one of my favorite ones, actually, it's when Death decides to go. You know what? I'm fucking sick of this. I'm going on vacation for a good couple of months because on vacation for a couple of months, people just stop dying.

1:05:50

They can't die. They try and die. They're trying to commit suicide. It's like it's not happening. And then they just, the world starts getting plagued with the undead and the death's like, oh fuck, I can't stop this though. And then there's this. And then a new death gets created and this guy's like hell bent on like making, it's sort of catching up, you know?

1:06:09

So then death's got to stop this new death that's been manifested into existence. Really fucking good shit. You've also got these, the main villains of the entire series, I guess. You've got these arbiters. They're called like these cloaked figures. They're called like the arbiters of time. It's their job to make sure everything runs in an actual order.

1:06:28

They think the more organized world and the most organized world that could exist is a world that without that doesn't have people on it. So they, they're always trying to like create events of like mass destruction and stuff like that's going to like just just stop people from living. Because the world would be a lot easier.

1:06:44

The universe would be a lot easier to organize if these people weren't getting in the way. Fucking shit up, making things complicated, all that shit. It's very, it's funny, but it's good at the same time. Like, it's like satire sort of stuff, but it's, it's, it's good.

1:07:00

And the way they talk about time, metaphysics, gods, lower people, all that stuff, all exist in the same world. Like you could read a book because they do have a few books. They're not like a series, but there's a few book based on gods, which I've not read any of. But then again, the fact that you can have a book just placed on just this lowly police policeman just doing his little beat walk is, is cool to me.

1:07:23

Set in that same world where gods and shit exist and they all, they all know. Yes. But yeah, trolls, goblins, ogres, all that shit. It's cool. It's fantasy shit. I fucking love it. You should definitely try one of them. I let it do it. Once I finished Lord of the Rings, to be honest with you, yeah.

1:07:41

I've still not read the first two books. The the ones that started it all. I've just not got around to it. I'm like, I own them. I've just I started them, but they're not gripping me as much as like the other ones. Yeah, but yeah, it's definitely a good time to like download them on Audible because when I started listening to the Watch series, it was just old recordings from like the 80s and shit, kind of difficult for it.

1:08:07

Like listen to sometimes. Recently over the past two years, they've been re recording every single book where each series has its own sort of voice actor or or actor to to read that series.

1:08:23

But they have a couple of staples like is it Bill Knight? Knightley Bill, not Bill Nye, the science guy. Who's the guy in Hot Falls who got bitten? I was like, I'm going to run it under a cup. Bill Nye. Bill Nye. Is he not called Bill Nye as well? Or Bill Nyely, British actor.

1:08:40

You know what I mean, don't you? I do. But it's so wrong to say Bill because of Bill Nye, the science guy. He's Bill. Nye don't in it I think. So. Anyway, have a little. Look in these. In the new in all the new books, you can't even get the old recordings on Audible anymore.

1:08:59

So if you're like a, if you wanted to pay them, you're right. Look, so I'm going to go back and I'm going to work through them all. And I'm really excited to listen to the watch series again because it'll be it's actors playing the roles, you know what I mean? And Bill Nye, I'm pretty sure it's Bill Nye plays death in like all of them through and through.

1:09:19

It was an all right job because I did end up listening to like the last couple of Watch books I listened to were like in that changeover period. Yeah, we are right. I just don't know how you pronounce it. It's like Bill Nighy, but that's not you spelled Bill Nighy. Isn't Bill Nighy the science guy, is it?

1:09:35

No, that's. Bill Nighy. Yeah, I guess definitely give them a a watch, a listen. And I don't think they've ever done a good adaptation with it on TV at all. I've seen a couple of the they did a couple of made for TV films throughout the day, like 1 based on Hog Father, 1 based on they did a couple of Rincewind ones.

1:09:56

And the actor that they got played in Rincewind was fucking awful. It was David Jason, you know, from Only Fools and Horses. He just did not suit the character. Apparently he was only in that he only got that role because he's a massive fan of Discord and that was his favorite character and he really wanted to play him and he made no fucking sense because it's kind of like a short Stow old man rinse when the character is described.

1:10:18

I mean, if you ever see him drawn, he's a scrawny young 20 something lad who should have graduated from Wizard University, but he's not because he's a fucking idiot. But he's he's kind of tall, skinny and scrawny. He's got a little wispy ginger beard, which is absolutely not what David Jason is.

1:10:36

But David Jason was again cast in another disco. I think it was the Hog father, which is a death based one. And just like Batman, Death's got a Butler. His book was called Albert and David Jason's playing Albert that actually fit that role perfectly.

1:10:52

Daughter and old man grouchy and shit like that. Yeah, perfect casting. Can't watch them rinse win ones because I'm like, I really like that character. And it's the the first two books like Fantastic and colour magic. Yeah. Also colour magic is Octarine.

1:11:09

That is the colour of magic in disco war. Sort of like a greenish orangiest thing. I think it's described as Octarine. You're going to behave I.

1:11:27

Think it's behaving So what I think I might read next, or what we should probably read next? Natural. Natural. As fuck. As fuck. I'm just saying because obviously we had some technical difficulties and you were like trying to smooth it in.

1:11:46

Like we're just saying, I'm pretty sure like wherever we dropped off and we're right, you're ever going to edit it in. Like you know, from when we have the issue, I bet that this fits. Really well. It's going to be like, oh, so yeah, Octorine. Octorine is the colour of magic.

1:12:01

So I'm reading next. No, that's. Not how I said it. OK, I'll give you another. I'll give you make it easier for you. I should go. I'll I'll try my best to imitate her and did that. Was it Octreon? Octreon was the colour of magic.

1:12:18

So it's like, bullshit. I'll tell you what I'm going to leave next. Now you have to leave everything in just for context, otherwise that's not funny anyway you. Tell me you're going to. React so I crisps all over your back.

1:12:34

Bomb what we should. Read next is what I'm getting at like. You won't realize with read fucking shark. Yeah, exactly. Did you call Shark out? Boy or shark out, just call shark. Out I really don't want.

1:12:49

To read it though, it's it's. So short I'm short. It's. Short, like 10 hours. I think 1012 hours it's at least a month. Of cycling to and from work I listened to the story about a guy who gets a shark who doesn't turn into a killer we.

1:13:06

Don't know the full story yet. And thank God. Thank God, yeah. Because. We know it's emotional. Because it would. Really. Follow us. It's, it's allegedly very emotional. Heartbreaking, isn't it? Yeah, it's about a, it's.

1:13:24

About a guy who's slowly turning into a shark. It's not about a. Guy who's slowly turning? Yes, it is. Yeah. Right. And his wife is stricken with emotion over it. So is it like? He's told from the. Wife's point of view is it. Like Kevin Smith's Tusk guy sort of turned into a fucking walrus.

1:13:43

Well, he isn't. Slowly being turned into a walrus. I've never he's just been surgically turned into a walrus. Same difference. Like a sideshow attraction. I thought it was like that old. BBC drama called Pig Art Boy. Remember Pig Art Boy? Thank you making this all.

1:13:59

I'm not making pig. Heart boy art. I'm doing so pig. Heart boy, you never watched Pig Heart? Boy in school, I don't think. No, it sounds. It sounds like a dream you might have had. Pig heart boy. Yeah, it's a star got. Pig heart.

1:14:15

There's no H in there, right? Pig heart. Boy, pig, heart boy, he's just good. At drawing pages of farm Yard anymore. Yeah, I know. Specifically their internal organs. A pig heart boy is a story, I think it was written or it was filmed in the 90s about a story about a a child that's dying and they replace his heart with a pig's heart and he gets bullied because he's got a pig's heart.

1:14:40

Now. I don't know how all the other students find out he had a pig heart. I can't remember that far back, but you know, you get usual a pig heart boy oink motherfucker. I said they didn't say I think motherfucker because it was like ABBC children's drama.

1:14:57

You know when BBC used to do dramas. Oh my God, pig heart. I think that we. Should watch this. You guys should watch. Big boy. Oh, I'm so fucking after we finished, I'm so fucking brain right. I spelled boy BOIII was gonna so it was a 1999 drama.

1:15:17

There, there he is. You wouldn't know it from working, but this motherfucker's got a pig's heart. Boo. Bully that boy, for he has a pig's heart. Get oinked. Motherfucking oinked.

1:15:33

Let's see what the Wikipedia entry says. Pick Up Boy is the children's novel by Malorie Blackman, which first published in 1997, shows the life of a teenage boy who undergoes a heart transplant. He was shortlisted for the Whatever Medical Thing TV series, which was broadcast on children's BBC in 1999.

1:15:51

Can't believe you don't remember it. 13 year old Cameron Kelsey is a serious heart condition. Not anymore. After his amazing surgery, he really, really needs a new heart. He gets the opportunity.

1:16:07

He doesn't say really, really. I added the extra 1. He gets the opportunity to get a new heart, but it's not a human heart, it's a pig's heart. He undergoes the surgery, but it fails and the surgery doesn't go to work. And then he go undergoes different surgeries. That's not how I remember it.

1:16:23

He just gets multiple pig hearts. It's just. Funny. So the surgeons brought a pig heart in. It didn't work then. So they tried a pig heart and it didn't work, it says. So they tried a pig heart. He gets the opportunity. To get a new heart, it's not a human heart, it's a pig's heart.

1:16:38

He undergoes the surgery, but it fails. The heart doesn't work, and then he undergoes different surgeries. That's the synopsis. Is he getting different animal hearts? Call him farm heart boy then. Yeah, that's a. Good point. Why? Why, Why is it called Pig heart boy then, if he doesn't have a pig's heart?

1:16:55

This brush ray The series also ended with Alex being born, while it merely ends with Cam's decision to accept the second heart transplant. God, I need to know it ends now well. We're gonna watch it, Yeah. It doesn't matter in the 19. 99 The BBC made a six part Tele 6 part 6 part television adaptation of the novel.

1:17:17

Although the television updation was overall quite failed to the book, some aspects were changed including some of the characters names. For example, Doctor Bryce is Isabel Professor Ray in the television series and also the fact that Cam had not been the first patient to have a pig transplant with Doctor Bryce slash Professor Ray.

1:17:35

The series also ended with Alex being born, while the book merely ends with Cam's decision to accept a second heart. Was he go back in time? You mean it ends with him being born? Is that a flashback? Does he get born and then he gets his own heart put inside him?

1:17:54

The only. BBC drama that with all these. With all these operations performed in util. Because. It sounds boring. I remember I. Remember him getting bullied for having a pigzar but clearly didn't if it didn't work, Yeah, I don't fucking know.

1:18:11

The only BBC drama that I do remember that I was very invested in. It wasn't the Queen's nose before you'd say Queen's nose. Do you remember the Queen's nose? Yeah, I remember the Queen's nose. Aquila. I feel like nobody remembers Aquila. I remember little kids.

1:18:28

Find a spaceship. Go. On cool adventures flying around a spaceship, they learn about it, it's mysterious, and then the series ends where they actually go into space and they find the mothership of Aquila and then that's it. Never got a second season. Good. Fucking loved Aquila then watch Aquila after this.

1:18:49

No, we have to watch. Pick Heart Boy. We have to watch Pick Heart Boy and then we have to read that's. Sequel. So yeah, every time you keep hacking on for me to read. Shark Art. Boy, we have to read it at.

1:19:05

The same time. I know, I know. But I've got to finish my Star Wars trilogy. I have to finish. Lord of the Rings as well. Oh yeah. And then I'm going to start a book and we'll never think of. No, no, I can't not. Start a book after I finished a book. We have to.

1:19:21

Be we have to listen to shark out. If I have to put Lord of the Rings on hold, I will like just as. Soon as I've finished. How long is this? How long is the second right? I'll tell you how long I've got left of this current book.

1:19:38

I've got 3 hours and 15 minutes left of this current book. It was. 15-3 hours 15. And then maybe find a sequel. The last command is 15 hours and 16 hours, so I've got 16.

1:19:57

I've got 19 hours essentially to get through. I have 18. Hours of the 22 hour Lord of the Rings and I'm doing like a. Essentially a buck and a quarter I think they will listen to. Shark out, which is 7 hours and 47 minutes.

1:20:12

It's a little little. Little bit off in a while. I'll be building. Lego while I'm listening to Shark out you. Better be present. I'll be present because I'll. Buy that Jaws Lego diorama sat with where Jaws is eating the boat. It's not.

1:20:28

About Jaws, it's not about hover, it's not a creature feature. It's over these. My mind will be my mind will be on the same. Thing because I'm listening to a shark cart and I'm building a shark out of plastic bridge. Tune out. I know that you will tune out.

1:20:44

I'm already. Tuning out. I'm not even starting listening to it. You better. Stop it off, it'll be in the. New year, we'll do it for the new year. That'll be our New Year's resolution. January 1st we both start Shark on.

1:21:01

We start Shark on January 1st, right? And then you'll finish. It first recording of the podcast in the new year. You think we're? Going to like watch like we could record on January 2nd. Let me. Find out what days what actually I got Saturday the 4th I.

1:21:20

Ain't reading that in four days I'll tell you what I'm working on January the 1st, then you'll get a good. Head start though, wouldn't you? Oh well. But the. Next of the road has not been put up. I could be working on the fourth. Who knows? I could be until half nine on Saturday. I wasn't even I wasn't even going to come to.

1:21:37

I was going to leave this till next week, but work was still God damn awful. I thought, I fucking need, I need to like de stress in some way. I thought I thought I was going to like run 20 minutes, 50 minutes without work. But you coaxed me with that box cold open.

1:21:54

That ended up being the fucking episode. Because I was. I didn't mean for it to. Be I didn't mean for it to be like 25 minutes long. We still. We still. Haven't got into our whole what film would we write subject.

1:22:11

It's coming. It's coming because I was going to ask you a quite the pipeline. Yeah, I was going to ask you a. Question. I may as well ask it now anyway. No relevance to anything but I was going to drop this in somewhere. Would you rather have, well you can live your life normally in free as you're living it now or have, I don't know, let's say £20 million.

1:22:32

That's and that's all the money you'll ever get. You got to, you think you could have 20 million till now till they die that last year, right? Is that enough? Do you want more People say £1,000,000 is not enough in modern standards? Oh my God, I don't know, because I don't know when I'm going to die, let's just say.

1:22:54

You live till a ripe old age of like 90 odd 20 million now for you to reckon. Maybe let's just say 100. Million, 100 million will last anybody a lifetime, right, sensible. So you get 100 million you don't have any more income, but that's that's going to last year.

1:23:10

You know you set for life essentially, but you constantly getting harassed by those mannequins in Silent Hill. Two roommate that hide her in corners and just pop out at random times. The shit at hiding sometimes Sometimes they though and you see they though sometimes they take you by surprise, but you do have to defeat them every time they jump out of you and they will attack you.

1:23:33

But like I say, they are shit at hiding. You can see them, but you've always got to be on the lookout for for the rest of your life. By the time you're like, I don't know, 50 odd, you're going to be struggling, no. I think, I think what I'm in my 70s is, is when it's going to be crime struggling, yeah.

1:23:52

Like 50s. I reckon I'll still be able for. Also, you're the. Only one who can see them and defeat them, but they can't hurt you. So if you start pulling a gun and shooting wildly, everyone's going to go fucking guys crazy. And then when you're in prison for just pulling a gun at nothing, that's just what you're in. They'll still be in prison.

1:24:09

No, I'd be out in This is the worst bear. They'll be. Climbing on the walls. So yeah, do you take the 100 million or do you just live your life out as it is now, the 100 million, you know, with the mannequin legs poorly hiding around corners at every facet of your life.

1:24:26

And I mean, like, no, we're safe. Like, it's not like they can't just appear randomly. So it's like, you go, you go to work, it's fine. You've not seen one, Obviously. You've not seen any in the morning. You live here. You think it's safe. But you'll come out. You'll go for a pest. One will be in your shower. Want to be around the corner in your kitchen?

1:24:43

Maybe or maybe not. I'm not saying every day you'll see them, but you'll see them a lot, that's what. My question was going to be what, how, how often it is? Is it you'll? Definitely get more than a few weeks. Some days you'll get like 7 times a day depending how active.

1:24:59

Depending on how active you are today. Like if you stay in one place all day, like in one room and you know that room is clear, then yeah, you'll find they won't spawn in that room. But if you leave the room and come back in the room, yeah, they might spawn in there. Might they can.

1:25:17

They can also spawn if you go to sleep in the room and wake up. So you could wake up and want to just be like waiting for you. But they always hide first. So they give you a little bit of like they give you a minute foot spot them. They always give you a minute foot spot them because they are shit at hiding but yet sometimes they do blend in quite well.

1:25:36

It's going to be even worse if you're on a night out. You go to the bathroom, nothing's you come back out. Dance floors fucking popping off. They will blend really well in a fucking packed rave. Oh my God, 100.

1:25:56

Million, I know. But The thing is, is that. This. This is essentially what you know, you know they. Die after a couple of events with a pole, this is. Essentially, what what the question is right? Yeah, go on. Would.

1:26:11

You take 100 million. But. You've essentially chosen that your way to die is to be beaten to death, not. Necessarily you can get hit by a car still you can still die you still get like cancer or some shit yeah liver failure yeah so when I'm.

1:26:30

Right. So if I if I get cancer and I have to go through key without being ready, Yeah, you're still going. To I'm weak. As shit, right? The chances are that someone can beat me to death. Whether it's a mannequin. That can go down in a few weeks or what so if.

1:26:47

It's a mannequin that could down on me even better. They don't have lips, questions A. Million question. I get to eat from the bar question. Do they have two assholes? They have. Two. Yeah. Well, yeah, they have two lower bodies.

1:27:02

They have two vaginas. Yeah, God, imagine holding one over your head like oh. My God, it's a it's a good job. We're not a visual media. It's a good job. We're not a visual media. Just like whatever wrestling move that is. And then? Just and then.

1:27:19

This isn't. The wrestling move. The wrestling move is holding over the head, but then the extra move is this. What would you call that? There's got to be a name for that, The Sunderland, Oh. My God.

1:27:40

Do your best to describe that unholy sex act that I just described on a Silent Hill to Manifestation Mike. Lifted he he mimed lifting a mannequin over his head whilst while simultaneously holding each end of the mannequin like a bowling ball.

1:28:06

Yeah. Jutting his fingers, thumbing and out. Yeah, if in your, if you do take the 100 million and you take the fact that you're going to get attacked by some mannequins and stuff, I will say one of the mannequins might fall in love with you and you might get to like, you know, do things with it.

1:28:30

Does that change your decision at all? You don't know which one because I will like, express it's love for you, you know, come up for a hug and you'll think it's attacking you. I mean. Surely it would look different though than it presents. Itself it's.

1:28:47

One of its. Asses in the air and then with it with its front leg, wherever you are from, it gives you gives you a lot for a go like this. God we really need to invest in cameras. There is some gold going on right now.

1:29:05

Fucking Jesus Christ taking. The 100 milliwatt. The mannequin. That I fall in love with, right? No. You. Don't fall in love with it. It falls in love with you. Does all right. OK, do do the rules stipulate that only one mannequin will spawn at a time regardless if multiple spawn throughout the day only one at a time?

1:29:27

Yeah. So that increases my chances essentially, don't it? What for game? RAID. For building a relationship with this mannequin I guess. You could also kill it and it loves you. You just kill something that loves you.

1:29:42

That wasn't said. Appealing. Yeah, that's all. It doesn't say they go there pretty easily. Only a couple of hits with a pole. I think you'll be I think you'll live well into your 70s before my nice things. You can look like a lead. Pipe. Yeah, you keep saying pole as though it's like. And you've got 100 mil so you can probably afford like a gold pipe.

1:30:01

Why on? Earth would I want to? I mean, it'd be weaker. But it would look nice. You say that if you got 100 million you would instantly get all the most gaudy shit. Fine, buy a. Tungsten pipe if you want to beat them all.

1:30:17

I don't. Think I'd be able to lift it? Probably not, no. But you could afford it. I. Couldn't afford it? It is expensive. And I can't afford it now. Like I'd say a gram of tung, A tungsten weighs a gram, but like you get like a small piece of like tungsten.

1:30:34

It's ridiculously having insane super. Dense. I don't know how. You describe it's like grammar tungsten is just a grammar tungsten. Yeah, but but. The grammar tungsten would be like nothing even. It'd be like so small, wouldn't it? Yeah, for. It to like be like a clone.

1:30:50

Be like a. It'd be. It'd be less than a clone, suppose. Suppose suppose if you shaved a bit off, you know like shaved a bit off like a a block. I guess I mean that. Itself is going to be fucking difficult because of it. Hard, I reckon.

1:31:06

You could do it, that's what. Let's look at some tungsten cubes in a bit. We'll look at tungsten cubes whilst we watch Pig Boy Heart, yeah? Or pig. Heart boy pig heart, boy pig heart. Boy pig heart boy. Wonder if there was a trailer for it.

1:31:22

Did they have trailers for things back in the day? I mean I know they did, but for like no BBC dramas that were just on when you get in. I don't remember watching it did the moving. Pictures come out now. Which way to the magic Lantern show? No, but I don't remember seeing an advert for like the next season at Biker Grove or the Queen's Nose.

1:31:43

They they were just on we got in from school. What does an advert for though wouldn't? It on BBC. BBC dramas. I remember him up. They didn't need to advertise it. You just got in from school. Add your dinosaur Nuggets. Mash of beans. Sit. Down watch CBBC if you were posh.

1:32:00

We weren't posh bro. Or CBC anywhere. None of that CITV bullshit. Watch watch CBBC, watch Queens and the Holes, Pig Art Boy and Aquila. And then when CBBC was done, they're always in shit. We blew Peter Newsround, then blew Peter.

1:32:17

And then when the children's block was done, you'd always get an episode of Simpsons afterwards. And then 7:00 would be like done. By that time you'd have your bath, you know, have a wine, can you go to bed? So my brother's childhood was like. What we're doing primary school, yeah.

1:32:35

I guess from a primary school I'm a cheeky. Post school like. I am. So tense after my sats. They were the highest times.

1:32:53

I was, yeah. Oh my God. I don't think I was. Masturbating in USA if I remember those if I Remember Me trying to masturbate as a child, I might know a paedophile because I'm thinking of Well, you're not getting a. Joy, you're like I'm remembering the.

1:33:10

Good times I had. They're my good times. So it's. Right. So it's more nostalgia based then I guess. I suppose you could. Say about that high school curses as well. Like do you ever remember being in high school thinking, Oh yeah, they were welfare? They'll like get that flashback in your head as a 30 year old man.

1:33:30

Oh shit. They were fair. And I was attracted to that. When I think back about it, yeah, I was, no, I'm a 30 year old man. It's fine. I better lock her up, see if she's still fair. And that's weird if they are still fit, right? Like, yeah, still attractive, just like you were.

1:33:47

When? We were both children. My God, these are these are important questions. My God. So funny. To think of what's worse. Is if they're not attractive anymore. So someone you're attracted to in high school, like imagine like, so you've got this like smoking hard emo bitch, whatever.

1:34:04

Yeah, 10, something like that. She's got a. Feathered fucking pink and black hair and whatnot. She's got the fat eyeliner on all the, you know, the classic staples in the back on day. Like, I fucking like, yeah. 10, Michael. Absolute wood.

1:34:19

Oh, yeah. Dreamboat wood. Perfect. I wonder if she's still fit these days. It turns out she's proper. You know, she's not attractive. She's let herself go. She's in a different lifestyle completely now. You know, she was on Jeremy Kyle a week ago. That's the podcast. Yeah. When you listen to when we recorded this, Jeremy Kyle was still on.

1:34:37

We don't know. It's been cancelled yet anyway. You know, the sort of type of person I'm describing. Yeah, Yeah, yeah. And you think? You're not fit anymore. You're no longer attractive to me. Look like.

1:34:54

You did when we were 12. Please. It's a weird thing, right? But surely this is something that people think about. But don't dive too deeply into thinking about it, because then you got to start questioning weird shit, yeah. You have to start facing a reality, and the reality is that you as an adult, he's talking a bitch, but you don't think.

1:35:16

About it like that, you just think, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, because again, because it's all nostalgia based. Yeah, you're seeing it again through the eyes of, well, of of your eyes as a child. But when you remember. Your first kiss, or the first time you're like, you know, fingered someone in the back of Shark Tale. First time I fixed someone in the cinema, you know.

1:35:35

Shark Tale, Yeah. Fucking Will Smith and Angela and Jolie were getting the fish on for him. Martin Scorsese was being a puffer fish and I was knuckle deep in somewhere else. Will had fish. Fingers, and so did I. There we go, That's what I was trying.

1:35:52

I was trying to work something to. I was trying to name characters and what they were. But yeah, it was the first time I was. I did that to the girl in the cinema. I think I've done that previously. I must have done because that would have had the confidence too. Yeah, Cinema would have been my first time seeing.

1:36:07

Like a bold move today? No, I imagine. But that's one that sticks out the most, most in my head because it was in that situation you always heard the story about. Oh, yeah, in high schools, everyone always got fingered in the back of a cinema somewhere. You know what I mean? And it was more difficult back in the day because they don't have reclining arms.

1:36:23

You have to proper that's a proper finesse your way around in the olden. Days yeah yeah, you could have just. Like lift open an arm and then you know it's comfortable. You practically have to be on your knees, head under the skirt, lapping away.

1:36:38

No, if I remember that and I think, oh, those were the days, I'm not a creeper. I'm fine. I'm safe. Can't cancel me. I'm in the cube. Can't cancel what's in the cube.

1:36:54

Well established. Well established. Long. Well, yeah, I mean, I've not, I've not thought about any of them for a while. I'm sure why I've been. Talking about it, there's been a couple of my. Adult life. I have thought, oh, you know what? You just, you know, because you need to start. Yeah, you do.

1:37:10

Your mind wonders when you're listening to a fucking Jr. talking's fucking. It's fall forward. Oh fucking. Then I put the. Kettle on. Oh well, Maggie Green jerk.

1:37:30

Oh my God. I always find that. If you ever meet someone who was friends with someone from high school, you're all whenever you tell a story of someone from high school or primary school, you always say their full names. Yeah. It's never just. Like, Oh yeah, Tom, Mark, John, William, it's it's always like a Tom Robinson or a Jimmy Smith easel.

1:37:54

Chilly Smith Easel, Yeah. I was going going, I'm trying to not name people I don't know. I'm trying to not name people I actually went to school with and trying to make up names so I could tell you high school people off the top of my head. I just don't want to name them, you know, You know it was.

1:38:10

Me, it was Joe Nathaniel Egg bottom. Yeah. But it's always like, yeah, any if you ever hear anyone at work or anyone in your daily life, they'll talk about like, so there'll be people will talk about you and they'll go, oh, yeah, I don't know if you're in your full name right out on this thing.

1:38:27

Yeah, whatever. But everyone refers to people in the full names, don't they? Yeah, yeah. It's just weird. But it, it not only happens when people remember in high school, a weird thing that I've noticed, it's always a full name situation. Even if they had nicknames, it would be their nickname and then their full last name.

1:38:44

Me and Aggie. Aggie. Johnson, oh, Aggie. Johnson over here, Ezekiel. Pompous sniffle. Yeah. Oh, that's knuckle. Deep off over there. Do you knuckle deep top finger the chick during shark tail?

1:39:02

Oh, is that what we call him? Knuckle deep? Yeah, no, that's. What we call him fish fingers, it's it's what we call him Captain Bird's Eye. That's the reasoning behind that Captain Bird's Eye. Smith, Captain.

1:39:19

Captain. Bird's Eye. Jameson, you have thought about that one time you fingered a girl in the cinema. No, no about. About cheeks I went to school with. Yeah. I thought, oh, I had a crush on this girl. I wouldn't watch. Looks like no type thing. Oh, she was really pretty.

1:39:35

She she was beautiful, actually, Yeah. And and did she live up to your standards? Are they still beautiful now? Not everyone could be a winner.

1:39:56

Not everyone time makes. Fools of us all, I. Think I think we're more spots sometimes. Really smooth, glacial, succulent milk just becomes cottage cheese and that's nothing.

1:40:12

You can help ladies. Oh my God, Jesus. Christ Jesus. Christ alienating. The female audience, yeah, but they also know. I eat from the back. Oh, you're still seeing that guy? Yeah.

1:40:28

Whoa. Got. His cheese. He's still seeing that guy. Yeah. Why? He's horrible. Didn't he say you've got, like, skin and flesh and blubber, like, cottage cheese? I don't know what he said about you. Yeah, but he does eat from the back. Oh, yeah. Stick with marriage. Lock that down, put a ring on that thing.

1:40:45

Yeah, he's abusive and it makes me feel my love. Don't want to but he eats it from the back. But he's like a vivacious wild animal. It's like a velociraptor rimming a Muldoon.

1:41:05

I'm so good at callbacks, Oh my God. Fucking Jesus Christ, come with a callback. Kid fucking. Hell, which means I. I I tried to contact my girlfriend just from primary school and be all like hey hey, Remember Me and then say to.

1:41:20

Him. You used to be hot. Yeah, no way Do you want to get 8 from the back? I do that fucking cottage cheese or go, well, I mean, that's I think that's where we call it.

1:41:36

Yeah, yeah. We should, we should probably wrap it over there because essentially we're just starting another essentially. Essentially the entire bot thing was the cold open if you, if you want, if you wanted to be. And then we just did a very small condensed unhinged, hey, let's be abusive to women, but it's fine.

1:41:54

We're not abusive to women, is there No like you do a 6 to 9, Is there a way you can do a 6 to 9 where you're both like sticking your tongue in someone's asshole? Is that still a six? Is that that's possible, Right? I. Mean, yeah, but you'd have to curve your spider a bit more.

1:42:10

I wonder if. That's got a name like just just show up, just two people rimming each other in a 69 position. I think it would still. Be called a 69, right I I guess. But I feel like it implies something different. You can't just say, Oh yeah, we did a 69, but it was all rim based.

1:42:27

It was a rim based 69 because you are still in. That same position you, you've not really changed much, have you? Yeah. But the fact that. I think you both have to arch your back a bit. I think the 69 turns more into like 90. Six. It's really good. No, I'm taking like.

1:42:43

AA0 with like half a half a acted out with someone and figure it out. Pick my heart, then we'll do I want to watch. Then we'll do the constant. I want to watch the trailer for Aquila then. We'll watch a trailer for Aquila, then we'll do this.

1:43:00

Fucking this. Advanced 69. This RIM T9 or whatever we call it. Oh, rim T9? What about a 60 rib? You know what a rim T man.

1:43:16

That's what we'll call it. I want to call it a. Muldoon. Oh shit. So I was with it. I was with this chick last night. We totally Muldooned. Oh fuck. Oh yeah. It was great, but then, then she needed me. She just left. Muldoon's got to be the new the Eiffel Tower in my mind, only this involves two people, not 3.

1:43:45

We're still going. Yeah, usually I would. Trust his everybody. But it must be I think we've beaten him. I don't think I think he's having an off there. I think he took to himself. By accident, yeah, I. Think he's just giving us AI. Think we can just wrap this one up normally?

1:44:01

Oh, lucky us, without. Without being. Tucked up and oh hold that Pelican gives us our eyes back. We've got to earn it dateful, I think. I think it's one of those. Things, you know, I kind of like when fallen angels like and, like, come to Earth and they've got to do like, a series of deeds.

1:44:20

Like to get the wings back. I feel like we've got to do a series of deeds, but we don't know what they are. And then we get our eyes back. Yeah, baby also. This law falls. Apart because you've described exactly what you've seen a lot today from what I've been buying. You just get a sense for it. You just got, you got like, just just.

1:44:36

Feel the earth, Yeah, you've got to do it. After the devil senses you can you can. Because the Earth's thicker in the cube, you can sort of feel movement a lot, yeah. That makes sense. All right. Or you can fire particles at a sheet to like kind of get the the shape of them.

1:44:52

Yeah. Like. Like no where they're hitting but particles are like dots but a field of particles, you know where they are from firing them like a sheet or some shit like that. He's a piss. Yeah, yeah, he. Felt me feel the mannequin. This is why the albatross is needed sometimes.

1:45:12

Because you will. Just fucking let's. Let's wrap it up right. Let's wrap. It up. So. I've I've been, Mike, you've been listening and I've been. Jack and we've been glistening.

1:45:30

We have TuneIn next cube. Are we still going same cube time, same cube channel? Perfect. Farther from the cube.

1:45:48

From the cube. Cube Fighter. Farther from the cube I feel like. I feel like what's what's going to be good? This, this is just to wrap it up, but we're still going, yeah. Oh fuck. This is. This is.

1:46:03

Just a it's like a final thought, all right? Sonic I was. I was signed off. You should just say anything. Yeah. And I should have to try and make it rhyme. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we can. Do that, I think, I think that's probably good, right?

1:46:21

We'll do that next week. Every sucks a good week after that's. Yes.