Transcripts | Trapped In The Cube

Episode fourteen:
Clickbait and Whisky

Use the chapter headings and panels to navigate through the contents of the transcript.

Contents

A Cold Open (0:01)
Generic podcasting (07:28)
Clickbait (15:58)
Jobs for spiders (20:45)
Entomology 101 (24:05)
Cave diving is for losers (28:38)
How to lose an arm in 10 days (30:19)
The Catman is the worst one (34:46)
Babylon Zoo (38:23)
An idiots guide to whisky tasting (39:51)
Glen Andrew (42:06)
Tomintoul Glenlivet (51:04)
Cragganmore (01:00:25)
Whisky guessing (01:07:27)

A Cold Open

0:01	Yeah, according to Ghostbusters 2, it's the end of the world today. Professor Venkman said no, he didn't say some crazy woman he had on his show said the end of the world will be February 14th, 2025. And then Venkman said Valentine's Day sucks.
0:19	And then the other guy came on and then he was like, no, I swirly believe it's going to be in what every day he said, which was in a couple of weeks. It's in this book. And then it was all like, well, you've not really thought this through. You're not going to get any residuals. You're not going to, you know, you're not going to get any movie deals out of it.
0:35	You know, you know, the books only just come out. It's just like, this isn't a joke. I'm serious. The world's going to end in like 2 weeks. And then Beckman was all like, yeah, cool. And then he looks at the camera and went, this is Peter Beckman.
0:53	What are the psychic? The shortest segment of any show ever. Ghostbusters 2 wasn't that bad.
1:05	Speaker 2 One of those fucking papers up here.
time	Paragraph
	1:07 Speaker 1 Probably not. No. Probably. You just did that thing that hating trailers. You know, when it's building up to something and everything goes and then it pops back up again? Yeah, Fucking hate. 1:22 Speaker 2 That why? 1:23 Speaker 1 I just think it's overdone. It's like it's, it's like a fake noise. Yeah, because it's like it's like builds up and then it's like a slow down time noise. Like it's like everything's condensing into a bubble and then it explodes back out. Heard it like once in the cinema today. 1:39 And then I'm sure that a vote trailer would just watch. Fucking did it. Annoying. 1:44 Speaker 2 Is it like? Is it? Is it worse? 1:48 Speaker 1 Did you add X Factor all time as well? Fucking They'll show a couple of acts, then it'll do that noise. Someone will fall over, you'll think it's gone shit, then they'll come up and do something amazing. And it was all intended all along. 2:03 The directors of those reality TV shows are fucking shy. I I could do that. It's just the same shit over and over and over again. 2:10 Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just a suspense builder, That's all it is. 2:13 Speaker 1 Don't stop putting in trailers. 2:15 Speaker 2 Draw and keep viewers. That's all it is. 2:17 Speaker 1 I think it's the inception's fault. I did it like, you know, because they used to get, they did the sort of, I don't know, I've not seen Inception trailer for ages, but a lot of films afterwards did the I think it's like a beat, like a big load trumpet beat me doing that and because I can't even tell the question. 2:37 It's been a while, but then every trailer did that for a while. 2:39 Speaker 2 Yeah, I genuinely can't can't remember what the Inception trailer would even look like for being honest. Here it. 2:46 Speaker 1 Was within itself. Do you want me to run downstairs and get some papers? I know this is a my place, but I'll assume I know where they are. 2:53 Speaker 2 No, you don't have to. You want to. 2:54 Speaker 1 You want to You want to roll up No. 2:56 Speaker 2 That's fine. I'll go with that. No. Oh. 3:04 Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, right. Yeah. You ever smoked your receipt before? 3:07 Speaker 2 The first time forever to ever, OK. 3:16 Speaker 1 I reckon I work. 3:19 Speaker 2 I mean there there isn't anything to stick it to itself. There's no it's stick in. 3:23 Speaker 1 Itself. Look, I'll prove it. 3:26 Speaker 2 There's no. What's it called? Oh, you're. 3:29 Speaker 1 Right, it doesn't stick. Call me disproven. 3:32 Speaker 2 It doesn't say it on it, but I know for a fact that it's that strip. 3:39 Speaker 1 Oh yeah. 3:40 Speaker 2 It's a maybe in gum, Maybe in gum. 3:46 Speaker 1 Yeah, why? Why do you say it like that? 3:49 Speaker 2 It sounds like Arabian Nights if I. 3:51 Speaker 1 What's Arabian Nights? 3:53 Speaker 2 I don't know the first word of that first airline. I don't. 3:56 Speaker 1 Know what? Arabian Nights. 3:57 Speaker 2 What you talking about? You don't know what Arabian Nights? 4:00 Speaker 1 What Arabian Nights are what are there? 4:03 Speaker 2 You're making me angry. 4:05 Speaker 1 All right, Bruce Banner, Arabian days. More often than not, hotter than hot. Something away. Like a shield, like a sword, like a dead. 4:20 No, I don't know what you're on about, mate. No, no, I don't know what you're on about. 4:28 Speaker 2 Speaking of little songs. 4:29 Speaker 1 Oh, go on, right one. Is that a reference to Arabian Nights or a reference to a little Spanish play? Because there's no more little song, then I'm speaking about songs. 4:42 Speaker 2 I went last time I was saying that I just vocal stem all the time. 4:47 Speaker 1 You just you just did a Netflix intro thing. You weren't I heard the last time, I said. And then you talking did. Was that one of your vocal stems? 5:00 Speaker 2 No, no. But I think it might be for no one. Anyway, most of the stuff that I say or sing or do is directed at Ash. 5:09 Speaker 1 Obviously do you know because it's a living presence within. 5:13 Speaker 2 And I know that he's sick of me all the time. It's constantly just annoyed that I mean. 5:20 Speaker 1 If he wasn't here. 5:21 Speaker 2 Just being annoyed. 5:23 Speaker 1 You'd be doing it just into the ether, won't you? 5:25 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 5:26 Speaker 1 It's like me when I scream yawn on my own in my flat. Do you ever do yawn so good that you stretch and scream at the same time? Yeah, so loud and powerful. I remember when I was living with my ex, I'd, I'd do them occasionally. She always thought was doing on purpose. But I'm like, no, I'm not. 5:42 The scream just genuinely helps Leon sometimes. I've not done a lot of them recently, but I used, I used to go through like a phase of doing them a lot. But it would constantly be like it was a scream where if you were a neighbor or on the street, you would think someone was being stabbed or someone had witnessed absolute terror because it wasn't just like a yarn scream, like, you know, like a relaxing, no one relaxes like that. 6:12 Just getting into a big hot tub. No, it was like proper. I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to do any exams because I just don't want to be too lightful, you know? 6:30 Speaker 2 I get it, it's a scream whilst you're yawning. 6:33 Speaker 1 Yeah, but I feel like they don't understand how loud and how terrifying it would be like a just no. Like Tom's just got his tail trapped in a door from Tom and Jerry. Not yeah, yeah, my neighbor Tom, who has a prestigious tail. 6:54 Speaker 2 It's got a what? 6:55 Speaker 1 I, I don't know, you know, when some people have a tail. 6:58 Speaker 2 Oh yeah. 7:00 Speaker 1 It's not procedural. It's. That's a word that doesn't exist, but it's. 7:04 Speaker 2 It's similar to that by a. 7:05 Speaker 1 Persistent tale? Well. 7:07 Speaker 2 It's always there a. 7:08 Speaker 1 Procedurally to a procedural tale, a gestating tale. Prestigious it is. Yeah, I feel it's not what I said. Prestigious. No, it's not so struggled. 7:21 Speaker 2 Anyway. 7:22 Speaker 1 English isn't my first language and I think I'm doing very well.

Generic podcasting

7:28 Speaker 2 You know, when you look at the times, like someone might ask you what time is, are you just the paper to see what actual know what time of day? Yeah, right. And sometimes you get that magic moment that only happens twice, right? And you get to sing the William Tell Overture, don't you? 7:46 Speaker 1 Yeah. 7:46 Speaker 2 10 to 10K boy time and you can go, oh, it's 9:50 to 9:50 to 9:50 to 9:50. Yeah, you do that. Yeah, I figured out. 7:59 Speaker 1 You can do it at any time of day with any numbers and you can make it work. 8:04 Speaker 2 There's 5 for. 8:05 Speaker 1 5 for five for 522 to the five to the five to the 5225 to the five. It doesn't work perfectly fine. 8:11 Speaker 2 Work all no. 8:12 Speaker 1 Five. That's one all the. 8:15 Speaker 2 9:50 Nothing else. 8:17 Speaker 1 9:30 Half past nine 9:30 11431143 No, that's a bit too syllable. 8:27 Speaker 2 I found something you could they can do. 8:28 Speaker 1 Yeah, so 24. 8:30 Speaker 2 Times a day, go on, all right. 8:33 Speaker 1 If you just count normally 1 to 24 I'll be very disappointed. 8:38 Speaker 2 No, man, listen, you get more chances at this one than you do with 9:50. So I think it you can do it by yourself. It's what I always do. It's what I've done for like a couple of years. I've. 8:51 Speaker 1 Been doing it for years. I don't know. 8:52 Speaker 2 But say, if someone's asked you, oh, do you know what time it is and it lands just right, you can go, oh, whoa, whoa, quarter 2, code and escape if I wanted to. Oh whoa. 9:08 Quarter 2? 9:09 Speaker 1 You can't do it on every time though, no. Look what? 9:11 Speaker 2 You fucking can. 24 times, yeah. 9:15 Speaker 1 24 times. 9:16 Speaker 2 Yeah, as many times as the last hours in the day. 9:19 Speaker 1 What if it's? What if it's 10 past? 9:21 Speaker 2 Well, if it if it's 10 past then you can't do it, can you? 9:23 Speaker 1 So you can't do it on every number of the clock. 9:25 Speaker 2 That's all. Fuck, he said. 9:26 Speaker 1 He said yeah. 9:27 Speaker 2 I said you can do it 24 times a day. That doesn't mean that you can do it every minute of every hour whenever you want. There are rules. There are rules to this. 9:37 Speaker 1 It's only, it's only quarter to. 9:39 Speaker 2 24 times. 9:41 Speaker 1 Fuck is right. 9:42 Speaker 2 Yeah, he is right. 9:44 Speaker 1 There's only one of them an hour though. But how many hours are in a day, Michael? Fuck. But what if it's half past? 9:55 Speaker 2 You're just not allowed to sing it. 9:57 Speaker 1 Yeah, the girl really fell into that fucking idiot persona. Not persona trap. And I could have just not persona, you know, idiot and not idiot. Well, one person just pretends like they've not. Even if they did make a mistake, even if they figure it out, they'll still hammer it down like they're a fucking thick piece of shit. 10:22 What animal would you rather fight if you if you you'd survive a fish. Now I said what animal? Yeah, a fish. No, an animal. Buck off A fish is an animal. Yeah, it is. Prove it. It's a fucking thing. 10:38 It's alive. Whatever. 90% of podcasts. 10:43 Speaker 2 I love that we never die for each other. I'm glad we don't follow the trend at all in any way. 10:52 Speaker 1 We are against the trends. You're not chasing them. Algorithms, guys, your profit margins are slipping. What profit margins? What listeners by the time of record in Episode 1's not even out yet? 11:11 Speaker 2 Just getting a good back catalog. 11:15 Speaker 1 Producers already on our backs rigging these suits can't trust them. 11:25 Speaker 2 Oh my Lord. 11:26 Speaker 1 Sweet, sweet Lord. 11:28 Speaker 2 The sweetest. Anyway, welcome to another episode of Trapped in the Cube. I am Jack. 11:44 Speaker 1 I'm not Jack. 11:46 Speaker 2 As is always the case. 11:48 Speaker 1 As is always the case indeed. 11:50 Speaker 2 So in case you. 11:51 Speaker 1 Have forgot the land, Mike, you know. 11:53 Speaker 2 Oh. 11:54 Speaker 1 Just. 11:56 Speaker 2 I almost did don't. 11:57 Speaker 1 Want people to forget that. I don't want us to go online. I don't want us to do anything. Live in public and someone goes. So I know that one's called Jack and I know that one's not Jack, but I don't know who he is. I don't know. He's a bit of an enigma. 12:13 Did you hear that? 12:16 Trump's Plastic Straw Stance & Eco-Friendly Alternatives Did you hear? Did you hear that Donald Trump's put a bang on paper straws? Yeah, which only because he gets a well, I know a lot of people get annoyed by paper straws, but because he specifically gets annoyed by paper straws, he's like, fuck it, we're going back to plastic, which I think is incredibly dumb. 12:33 And I know like the large grand scale of things plastic straws like are probably a minute thing to plastic waste that we do do. 12:43 Speaker 2 You know. 12:44 Speaker 1 Do, do, do, do you know? But still, if you look at like, especially like places like massive theme parks like Disneyland that serve like millions of people a day, and then there's just a million people just throwing away plastic and it adds up. And then he specifically said, do you think the fucking plastic straw is going to stop a shark in its tracks? 13:05 No. 13:06 Speaker 2 Does he think that the only fish in the ocean is a shark? 13:09 Speaker 1 Yeah, the only fish the ocean is tracking is like, you know what, I think a shark can survive a plastic straw in its throat. So it's fine. And everyone's gone. Thumbs up. Yeah, we agree. And then some arguments like, oh, yeah, well done. It's such a great present. 13:24 He's bringing plastic back, which feels like such a reverse moving back. Like, I don't get, as an artist, paper straws as I used to. I think they've got a lot better, got a lot sturdier and stuff, but. 13:35 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 13:36 Speaker 1 You know, but there's loads of substitutes, like big bamboo straws are a thing in some places. They work fine. Very recyclable. You know, single uses whatever the earth will just eat it back up. Rice. 13:50 Speaker 2 Yeah. 13:50 Speaker 1 Do rice straws which don't taste of anything. They just made a rice and you can eat them afterwards. 13:55 Speaker 2 Perfect. 13:55 Speaker 1 You know, I'm sure they'll taste a little bit of whatever beverage you've been sucking up. But yeah, there's like so many alternatives where he's got no batter plastic. Start the factories again. But you got some arguments of people online going, you know, I don't get it. Sometimes you get paper straw and it's wrapped in a little bit of plastic. 14:11 What's the point? I'm like, yeah, I guess it's annoying, especially when you get those little cardboard cartoons. You got a little tiny bit of plastic, but it's still a lot less plastic than what it is. You know, it's just minimizing the amount. It's not eradicating it completely. No, but single use plastics are like a fucking waste. 14:29 Speaker 2 I agree. 14:30 Speaker 1 Yeah, because like at work, we like any ice drinks that we sell and in a paper cup, they're in a, they're in a plastic cup essentially. And I think all the food places do the same. Like it's a weird one for like McDonald's because they have paper cups if you get like a Fanta or a Pepsi or something. 14:50 But if you get like a Mackay's drink, it's like a Scottish beverage, a Mackay's. If you get a makai string that comes in a plastic cup. I saw the ones that we sell, which I don't know, it must, I don't know, might ruin the paper faster now. 15:10 I don't fucking know. 15:11 Speaker 2 Yeah, I I don't know, I've got a fucking clue. Well, I mean, I have some metal straws. 15:19 Speaker 1 I've got some Mac straws at home as well because more often than not when I do get a McDonald's on it, but they just won't put a straw in there. Very rarely I get a straw, Yeah. 15:27 Speaker 2 Yeah. You don't get straws, you don't get sauce. Sometimes you don't get the thing that you actually wanted in the 1st place. It's insane, actually. 15:37 Speaker 1 I told you about that Taco Bell I ordered the other day. No, not Taco Bell. It wasn't McDonald's. My daughter's out the other week and I just. 15:45 Speaker 2 Got Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 15:47 Speaker 1 I won't, I won't repeat it for those this because we've already discussed it and I don't want to sound like I don't want to tell the same story twice. 15:56 Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Clickbait

15:57 Speaker 1 So show you a picture. 16:00 Celebrity Deaths & Love Bible: The Frustration of Clickbait I saw a couple of clickbait articles today and they really annoyed me because I think it's like, I definitely took it. So there's one really annoying me because I had to click on the link to find out what the story was and then the link just wouldn't load. And then I'm sure that whatever website it is got whatever it wanted to get from me just clicking on the link alone. 16:22 If a celebrity or someone dies, don't use that to feed into clip clip bit click bait. So this is breaking news with heavy hearts. We report the sad news about the beloved actor John Goodman. Details in the comment. 16:37 You go to the comments. News of the beloved actor John Goodman are sad and that's all he does. It dot dot dot. It doesn't say John Goodman. RIP whatever website wouldn't load. I looked it up. He's still alive. Not nothing's up with him, but if he did die, the same thing could be about that. 16:53 You know, I saw another one. I don't think I took a screenshot of it when I was on my way over here. It was a New Girl star died. You remember the sitcom New Girl and everyone's thinking Zooey Deschanel, one of the guys she lives with now. Just some guy who appeared in a couple of episodes. 17:11 I'd say some guy that's not to me. Just like, you know, he wasn't the star of the show. The actor was the guy who played E Honda in the Street Fighter film, obviously the live action street Street Fighter film. But you, you know the guy, big Maui looking fellow. 17:30 So yeah, he passed away. But don't say oh he was in Street Fighter and he's a New Girl. Don't put the clip vehicles in New Girl star dies and then don't elaborate until you click on it. Annoying it just again, it's like you're you're essentially profiting on someone's death. 17:47 Speaker 2 Yeah. 17:47 Speaker 1 Because it's like someone's died. We're not going to tell you who. You'll never believe who it is. Click in here and we'll fucking tell you he's dead. My curiosity, I'm like, I do want to know he's died. 17:57 Speaker 2 I'd love knowing he's dead. 17:59 Speaker 1 Number six will shock you or it'll be imagine if this existed in the way in the 90s or even in No no, just in the 90s in like magazines and shit like Nirvana singer dies. 18:15 You'll never believe how. Read article page 36 to find out the details. I best pick up this copy of whatever magazine to find out. Oh Nirvana star died. 18:30 Speaker 2 Yeah, I I felt a little bit of a clickbait article of myself this part. 18:34 Speaker 1 Did you know it was clickbait going in? I I usually know and I just thought I just go whatever, fine. 18:40 Speaker 2 Yeah, I did. I did. 18:42 Speaker 1 Love Bible's the worst for that because they'll do it. 18:45 Speaker 2 It was. It was love Bible. 18:46 Speaker 1 You do it and then you won't get to the news what they want to say. 18:50 Speaker 2 For fucking ages, scroll and scroll. 18:52 Speaker 1 Get past that book. 18:53 Speaker 2 Of fucking. 18:54 Speaker 1 A video will play when you don't want it to play, and then it'll overlap. You'll close it off, but it'll just stay paused and it'll overlap all the you wanted to do. Bork. Yeah. What was it? 19:07 Speaker 2 The title was. 19:09 Speaker 1 Hot milk in your area actually looking to find you Jack. Click inside to find out where they are hiding. 19:20 Speaker 2 But can't remember exactly, but it was something like, oh, this supermassive lock star from the 80s reveals he's got stage 4 cancer. So I was like, oh shit, I wonder who that is. You know what I mean? So I clicks on it and then I clicks on the link in the comments as well because it can't just be. 19:38 Speaker 1 No, no, it's not embedded in the article anymore. You have to open the comments because that's for extra engagement. 19:43 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went into it, I scrolled like a full phones with like 4 times before he actually said who it was and I didn't even know him. I didn't I didn't. I didn't recognise his name and I didn't recognise the band he was in either. 19:59 Speaker 1 Did you look him up afterwards? No, no, what? You know, I'm glad he's dead. I'm so angry right now. I'm. I'm glad. Bought some prayers with his family, whatever. 20:14 I hope he stays that way. Fucking making me scroll. Why would you say that? You're so rude, so mean. 20:24 Speaker 2 Well, they shouldn't have made me fucking go through the big balls. 20:26 Speaker 1 What his fault? What Bible's wrong? Do you remember his name or what band he was in? 20:31 Speaker 2 No, it didn't stick because I thought why? Why did I even bother? 20:35 Speaker 1 Yeah, no, they'll make an article out of anything these days, just for an half a time. They're not even written by people, just an AI chair. 20:42 Speaker 2 They wouldn't buy a dog. 20:44 Speaker 1 No, it just be an AI like.

Jobs for spiders

20:46 Spider did a fucking. 20:50 Speaker 1 Spider in a room with a fucking cigarette going. Oh, you'll never believe who it was. That makes it out as though like the spider's got an adventure and he's writing a story about it, and it was the spider who did the adventure. 21:05 Camera pans on him as he just like, pulls his cigarette out. Looks at the cameras and you'll never guess who winks at the camera, Goes back to smoking and typing. I bet spiders would be excellent. Like typists? 21:20 Speaker 2 Good. Why? 21:22 Speaker 1 All them fingers, aren't they? Well, legs. 21:24 Speaker 2 They'll well, they have two less legs than we have fingers. 21:27 Speaker 1 True, but like I'm I would have spider type. He sat down at his chair. Right. 21:33 Speaker 2 I would assume. I would genuinely assume with his four so the first two pairs of legs are doing the typing. I would also assume that in this world he has A to scale typewriter because. 21:50 Speaker 1 I imagine it's they made a bigger one for him so he couldn't. They be going on the keyboard as well I reckon. 21:56 Speaker 2 As in other computer or? 21:58 Speaker 1 Instrument is doing or a piano. 22:01 Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess. 22:02 Speaker 1 Probably, I forget extra keys just for the extra length of these two. Also no they probably. No they wouldn't be good on a keyboard. Actually humans would be better. What a human right? 22:17 Speaker 2 Just watching you think of it, it's really funny. No, because obviously humans would be better. 22:23 Speaker 1 Yeah, because he's got like you got 10 appendages on it at the end of his rest. Whereas a spider in your, the way you're saying it's only got 4 legs for a smash on these keys. A spider couldn't even do AC cord. 22:39 I would aspire to do that. Now you know what spies would be shit at keyboards. They might be all right. 22:46 Speaker 2 I changed my mind actually. 22:47 Speaker 1 Drums. Drums. 22:52 Speaker 2 Just have to find the light is to it for drums. I think drums is the light one, yeah. 22:55 Speaker 1 Yeah, I was wrong with keyboard maybe. No, no, no, no guitar. It could strum, just couldn't do the. 23:02 Speaker 2 Oh, it could strum. 23:04 Speaker 1 Good strum. 23:05 Speaker 2 It could strum, but you're like, no, no cards, no cards. It's the same problem we've got with the piano in it. 23:12 Speaker 1 Yeah, no cards. Well, I got there in the end. I figured out the perfect instrument for a spider. Take that, Spiders. I'm better than you at the keyboard and guitar and I'm pretty shit up both. 23:23 Speaker 2 We figured it out and it wasn't one of the strings, no, wasn't one of the woodwind was. 23:28 Speaker 1 One of the ivories. 23:30 Speaker 2 I mean, percussion, that's where it's out for our evacuated process. 23:37 Speaker 1 Excellent drummers are Speaking of which, given a real life situation with I don't know, I've never even attempted to play the drums, but given a real life situation between me versus a spider on the drums, I think I'd, I think I'd win. 23:50 Speaker 2 Why? 23:51 Speaker 1 It's a fucking spider. And it's just, it's just a little insight. It's just, it's not like an anthropomorphized spider. It's just a bug, an arachnid. For those who are going to fucking get at me, it's not technically an insect, is it?

Entomology 101

24:08 Centipedes, Millipedes & the Scale of a Million No, it isn't an insect. Insects have 6 legs. Don't. 24:11 Speaker 1 They yeah, I mean it likes the bugs off I. 24:13 Speaker 2 Don't know like more than two. 24:16 Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess, I guess. 24:21 Speaker 2 More than two in less than 1,000,000. 24:24 Speaker 1 Tell that to a fucking millipede. You can tell a centipede because centre means 100. You tell a millipede because Miller means a million. Centipede has 100 legs and a millipede has a million legs. 24:40 Speaker 2 And that's always the case. That's. 24:41 Speaker 1 Always what it's been. 24:42 Speaker 2 How long would? 24:43 Speaker 1 How long would that be? 1,000,000 A lot but if you had an in like do you reckon realistically there's not a million hers on like the average human head is though, or is there? 24:56 Speaker 2 No, it's like a few 1000. 24:57 Speaker 1 Yeah, because 1,000,000 is like one of those things, like you're always flummoxed when you actually see it represented in it. And then you go to a billion people are like, yeah, it's just no more than a million, but it's it's a hell of a lot more than a million. It's. 25:10 Speaker 2 A hefty amount. 25:11 Speaker 1 It's like it's the difference between like a mountain and like an actual clump of dirt. It's like, yeah, insane. 25:21 Speaker 2 I think, I think you missed, I think the way you could have said was a mountain and a molehill. I think that would have. 25:29 Speaker 1 Yeah, but molehill is slightly bigger than a mound of dirt. I want it to be accurate molehills. 25:36 Speaker 2 Are like not like 5 foot tall. They're still genuinely only like a few inches and that's it. And that's like the peak. That's like the biggest molehill ever. 25:47 Speaker 1 The fact that I didn't get a mountain and a molehill is insane. Yeah, that would have been a really good visual representation. And it's a thing that people say, you know? 26:04 Speaker 2 Yeah. 26:06 Speaker 1 Don't make a man out of the more. Yeah, well, don't make a billion out of a million. That's what I'm going to start saying. That's the that's the, that's the new phrase. Oh, you're making a billion out of a million. 26:20 Speaker 2 New catch phrase has just dropped. 26:23 Speaker 1 Go on. Oh, is that it? Yeah, that's all right. I thought you were going to come up with your own new one. 26:27 Speaker 2 No, I can't do that. Yeah. 26:30 Speaker 1 Because I'm not dumb enough like you. I don't have whatever recession you've got. Oh, you're making a million of a billion? Oh fuck, even I fucked it up. 26:46 Don't be making a billion out of a million, will you? A million's quite a lot. Yeah, but it's not a billion. Do I have to show you the difference in the scale? I pull up a YouTube video of some guy showing a shit on a rice because it's versus a small amount of rice. See, that's how you visualize it. 27:03 Yeah, you. But I can see a mountain and a mall. Will you see that? I'm not going to say, oh, you're making one grain of rice into a massive grain of rice. You're making a grain into a sidewalk still. 27:14 Speaker 2 Just one grain. Just one of those big. 27:24 Speaker 1 One gigantic what was that called that everyone was like fucking losing the shit over in the early 2000s when they were like growing bigger tomatoes and shit began with AG or something like Geosides or something. 27:39 Oh, we don't want geos shit in our food because you're just making them bigger just for whatever reason, whatever that is, you're doing that to the rice you know I'm on about, don't you? Was it Geo something? 27:51 Speaker 2 I can't remember at all. 27:52 Speaker 1 I ain't Googling, how did you make food big? 27:59 Speaker 2 That seems like exactly the kind of thing that me and you you could search for. 28:04 Speaker 1 Hey Google, why were potatoes and tomatoes so big in the early 2000s and why was people mad about it? Oh, you're on about Geo mods maybe? 28:13 Speaker 2 I don't know, in the year 2000 why was potato big? 28:20 Speaker 1 Why? People mad. Yeah, right. OK. You're turning a rice into a silo. A rice? Yeah, but then people don't really have scale for silos. You can have a small silo, I guess. Don't make a grain of salt into a fucking salt mine.

Cave diving is for losers

28:38 Cave Diving, 127 Hours, and James Franco's Controversial Roles Seen the inside of a salt mine? They're fucking huge and cavernous. That actually right. A salt mine is one of the few caves I'd explore. You know, I would say these people would go like cave diving. Yeah, idiots. I I go cave diving in a in a big room. 28:55 It's also a cave. 28:57 Speaker 2 Yeah. 28:59 Speaker 1 Because that's what salt mines are, aren't they? The massive, massive caverns and the massive because they've been hollowed out, I guess. Yeah, for the salt. 29:06 Speaker 2 Yeah. But yeah, those like people go in cave diving and squeezing themselves into just the most horrendous small gaps. It fills me with such terror, such. 29:20 Speaker 1 Dread as well, the fact that they do it for fun as well. Like, I get, I can kind of get skydiving for fun, even though it is probably just as dangerous, you know, and you're probably more likely to die in that situation. 29:33 Speaker 2 It'd be quick though. It'd. 29:34 Speaker 1 Be quick and I get the adrenaline rush and I get the excitement and stuff. What adrenaline rush is there about going through a tiny crevice? Not a Lenny crevice. What's the adrenaline in? Are you going to go my way? 29:49 No, there's no adrenaline in, like jutting yourself in like rock, you know what I mean? Yeah. And you don't. You don't know where the exit is. You don't know when you're going to be in there for. You don't even know if there is an exit. You just see a tiny only thing. I don't have a passion, no. 30:04 Speaker 2 Absolutely. It makes me feel sick when I see it. Yeah, I can't watch them.

How to lose an arm in 10 days

30:08 Speaker 1 And then they recall themselves while they're doing it as well. Like, what? Have you got room to whip your phone out? Yeah, maybe you'd have room if you weren't fucking stuck. At least when James Franco went spelunk in, he wasn't in a cave and he just got his arm trapped in a rock. 30:26 Speaker 2 Yeah, perfect. 30:28 Speaker 1 He was only there for like 24 hours. No it wasn't. Was the film that called 24 hours? 72 hours? What the fuck was that 127 days? Wait. 30:39 Speaker 2 27 hours. 30:40 Speaker 1 Oh, so close with 127 days. 30:42 Speaker 2 But I would say we should probably say the actual person's name, not the actor who played him in. 30:48 Speaker 1 The horrible, evil man, Yeah. 30:51 Speaker 2 I don't, you say Alan Welston. 30:52 Speaker 1 Is that who it was? 30:53 Speaker 2 Yeah. 30:54 Speaker 1 I just assumed like James Franco's just does all the things that he did in these films. 30:59 Speaker 2 He actually got his hands cut off because he got stuck. 31:03 Speaker 1 He actually got angry at Peter Parker and threw a pumpkin bum in his face. That's the way I visualize things. Why would James Franco do that? 31:13 Speaker 2 I feel like I have to check now because I'm not. I am filling myself with dote. 31:18 Speaker 1 Why did James Franco like throw a bomb at a fucking spider man? I don't know. Why do you text a little girl? Why did he ask? 31:26 Speaker 2 That's a good question. 31:27 Speaker 1 Why did he invite her up to a hotel room? Maybe Peter Parker found the evidence and he was angry about it. 31:35 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I was like, I wouldn't lost him. 31:37 Speaker 1 Well membered. 31:38 Speaker 2 I don't know why that's in though, but it's. 31:41 Speaker 1 In there, the problem with these biopics of not musicians, yeah, yeah. 31:48 Speaker 2 Yeah, you. 31:49 Speaker 1 Only remember the actor portraying them more often than the character who they were portraying. Like I'm pretty sure more people know Wacky Phoenix over in this day and age anyway. And younger than us more people know Wacky Phoenix over Johnny Cash. But I do remember Wacky Phoenix played that country singer Dilly Cox. 32:09 I never saw the Paradigm. 32:11 Speaker 2 Paradigm. I never saw it. John C. 32:14 Speaker 1 Raleigh walk harder dude cock story a party of what? The wine. 32:20 Speaker 2 Yeah. 32:21 Speaker 1 Well, the wine was really good if you ever saw it. 32:23 Speaker 2 Yeah, it did very good. 32:24 Speaker 1 Wank and Phoenix did all these on singing as well. I'm like really? Because in a lot of these musical biopics, a lot of these musical biopics, they just don't. They just use either a professional singer that sounds like them or they'll use dialogue recordings from the singer. 32:40 Like the only time where that's been jarring to me is in but it's OK because it was the weird Iyankovic 1. 32:47 Speaker 2 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 32:48 Speaker 1 Yeah, so like Daniel Radcliffe, soon as he started singing, I was like, oh, that's very clearly Weird Iyankovic's voice coming out of Daniel Radcliffe's mouth because it's he's got a weird voice that doesn't suit Daniel Radcliffe's frame. And even sometimes when you see Weird Iyankovic sing, it looks like it's been dubbed into him because he sounds like a goddamn cartoon man. 33:10 I suppose it was a bit jarring in the Freddie Mercury one. Was it just called Queen? I think? Yeah, I think it was. 33:17 Speaker 2 Just called Queen, Yeah, I think. 33:18 Speaker 1 Yeah, because I don't know. Yeah. It was just called Queen because all the band wanted for being as much as Freddie Mercury was, they didn't want it to be about Freddie Mercury. And they were all pissy about that. That's why it's chopped up and it looks like shit. And it is shit. But when Rami Malek, he didn't sing, and not because how could he when he had those weird fat cartoon teeth in his face, which looked dumb and it was infected. 33:42 It was affecting the performance when he spoke. Like he sounded like he had fake teeth in. Just don't wear them. Yeah, but we want to make him look more like just don't wear them. It's fine. OK. Taron Edgington doesn't look anything like Elton John. Elton John. But he did, all right. 33:59 He did all his own singing and not. I'm not saying that one. 34:02 Speaker 2 I've not seen that. 34:03 Speaker 1 Apparently it was a bit more fantastical. There was like he was levitating at one point. It's a bit more silly, you know, But you know, whatever, it's do something differently. A biopic, make him a fucking monkey. Get people talking about it. I saw, I saw a clip that had just been released online. 34:19 It's insane. I will show it to you after I've just remembered. I'm like, I don't think Robin Williams ever did that in real life, let alone in this weird fact. I know he's a monkey and he was never really a monkey, but so he's on stage. 34:34 He's like doing let me entertain you or whatever. He jumps off the stage. There's a there's a mosh going. 34:40 Speaker 2 On into the crowd. 34:41 Speaker 1 Into the crowd. 34:42 Speaker 2 He's murdering other apes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Catman is the worst one

34:46 Demon, Starchild, Catman: Unpacking KISS Alter Egos One of them's dressed like KISS or Gene Simmons from KISS, and then I remember, why is there a name dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS? That's weird. And then I remembered in one music video he did do the KISS makeup and I can't remember which one. 34:59 Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't. 35:00 Speaker 1 Know why was he dressed up as Gene Simmons for? For what? What song did Robin Williams do that sounding like? To be fair, lots of songs doesn't sound like Kiss songs. They operated Kishi pop socks. 35:10 Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. 35:11 Speaker 1 The ones I've heard are I want to rock'n'roll all night and Party every day. Yeah, shit song. 35:28 Speaker 2 You're supposed to lock and roll all night and then pie. 35:31 Speaker 1 Very many days. 35:32 Speaker 2 Every day. 35:33 Speaker 1 Not gonna end man Sorry Gene. Sorry Gene. Simon and the rest. 35:38 Speaker 2 You have to do it on your own. I suppose that's how it goes. 35:43 Speaker 1 One of them's one of them's Paul. Something right? 35:45 Speaker 2 Paul Stanley. Yeah, it's the lead singer. Paul Stanley. 35:50 Speaker 1 Gene Sims isn't even the lead singer. 35:51 Speaker 2 No, it's bassist. 35:52 Speaker 1 I did not know that. Did you not do vocals at all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got that big tongue. 35:57 Speaker 2 Yeah. 35:58 Speaker 1 Yeah, true. All the better to sing, my dear. If anything, that would impede your performance. 36:05 Speaker 2 The main sing muscle, the big fat tongue. Yeah, I mean, I think, I think the old did at least some backing vocals. I think some of them did the one song, do you know what I mean? But like, yeah, the main lead vocalist. 36:19 Speaker 1 The drummer was the one with the fucking star on his face, right? Was he just called Star Child? 36:24 Speaker 2 Star child is Paul Starmer. 36:26 Speaker 1 And who was that the singer? So what was Gene Simmons fake name? 36:29 Speaker 2 Demon. 36:30 Speaker 1 God, I mentioned by and I'll be demon. Oh that's so cool. I wish I you could be star child. You could be Kitty cat. 36:40 Speaker 2 Oh man, I think is what it is Ant man Cartman. 36:43 Speaker 1 That shit. 36:44 Speaker 2 The car is in someone like that. 36:45 Speaker 1 Shit. 36:46 Speaker 2 I can't, I can't remember he. 36:48 Speaker 1 Right, so this. 36:49 Speaker 2 The drummer's the only one I can't remember the actual name. 36:51 Speaker 1 As well. You got fucking star child. Yeah, Pussy man. Yeah. And the demon. Yeah, Two of them don't match with the first one. What was the fucking drummer called? I need to know now. 37:04 Speaker 2 The cat The cat was the drummer. 37:06 Speaker 1 And the cat was called. I can't. 37:07 Speaker 2 Remember his actual name? 37:08 Speaker 1 But there's four members of KISS, right? Yeah. So here we go, Gene Simmons. 37:12 Speaker 2 The gene? Yeah, got Paul Stanley's. 37:15 Speaker 1 Star Child *. 37:17 Speaker 2 Childish lead singer We've got Can't remember the drummer's name, the cat, the. 37:22 Speaker 1 Cat and then what's the 4th 1? 37:24 Speaker 2 He said that like you're infatuate, like I'm sort of the car. 37:31 Speaker 1 I'm meant to be angry. 37:33 Speaker 2 You sound like you've got erection. 37:35 Speaker 1 My anger and my horny voice are very similar. I'm so fucking bricked. 37:40 Speaker 2 Oh my God. Anyway, the lead guitar Ace freely is his name. Spaceman. 37:46 Speaker 1 Oh shit names. Except for the demon. No one would be a fan of the cat. The only name it except for Spaceman. If it was like David Bowie, which would make sense. Imagine if you're just like. 37:59 Speaker 2 The cat. 38:04 Speaker 1 Imagine if the spaceman called himself Bowie. So we had two names. It was like, so why are you called Bowie? Because I'm Spaceman. You know, Bowie space. I mean, yeah, I get it. But you're Spaceman. Yeah, but I'm also Bowie. All right, then. 38:20 Whatever. Spaceman.

Babylon Zoo

38:23 Oh, that's a weird memory. Now I've got Bubble and Zoo stuck in my head. Remember Babylon Zoo? 38:28 Speaker 2 I'm not sure I do. 38:29 Speaker 1 You'll know it if I start singing it, which I won't. Why not? You'll know it. It's from like 98 I think on 97. Could be 99, but within those three years, that dead weird song that went Spaceman always wanted you to go into Spaceman, into Galactic. 38:53 And then it went really genomic and it was all like monks on the flesh through their bones. I don't know if they're the lyrics, but I remember that part of the track really fucking scared me. 39:06 Speaker 2 Oh my God. 39:07 Speaker 1 Oh God, I know. I'm remembering more lyrics as it goes on. This is the chorus I can't get off the carousel and that repeated for ages. I can't get off this world. You know what? It's actually a bop. I'm going to have to. 39:22 Speaker 2 Listen, I've changed my mind a little bit, actually. 39:26 Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know why. Like the the actual guy from 127 Hours is in your head for some reason. Babylon Zoo, the band of that song is in there somewhere. Which is weird because no one ever remembers the singers or the artists from one hit wonders. 39:44 They just remember the song. 39:46 Speaker 2 Oh my God. 39:47 Speaker 1 Oh yeah, anyway. 39:49 Speaker 2 Perfect.

An idiots guide to whisky tasting

39:51 Speaker 1 Do you want to try our new segment? Try some 5 year old Secret Santa gifts with us. And by gifts, I mean one gift. That someone bought Jack from Secret Santa a while ago and it's just a whiskey tasting set and I thought it'd be fun so let's try and do some whiskey tasting on. 40:16 Speaker 2 Oh my God, these are fucking. 40:18 Speaker 1 The whiskey's in there tight. 40:20 Speaker 2 Oh, it's tight. God damn, I've got one of the night. 40:22 Speaker 1 When I saw that box of whiskey tasting I just assumed it was like WW flavored chocolate. 40:29 Speaker 2 God damn titles 8 when? 40:32 Speaker 1 You get last one out. I want to feel how tight it is. Put one of them back in. 40:35 Speaker 2 Too late. No, too late. Tasty segment knife. 40:41 Speaker 1 Yeah, it's good moving on. 40:45 Speaker 2 Thank God. Alright, so let's see what we've got. We've got. 40:50 Speaker 1 Oh, you've got cards and everything. I feel like I really need to be sat next. 40:53 Speaker 2 No, it's it's all. Don't worry about it. 40:55 Speaker 1 I want to read the cards. 40:57 Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll, I'll listen. I will read some today if I think it's important. 41:01 Speaker 1 But we've got to do the full whiskey first. 41:03 Speaker 2 One that is the first one. 41:06 Speaker 1 Right. Wait, hang on. Just like 5 lbs, though there's only three whiskies. 41:12 Speaker 2 Still totally jealous. We're jealous of OK. 41:15 Speaker 1 It is a fun game, right? So we've got 3, right? 41:18 Speaker 2 We've got 3. 41:20 Speaker 1 While you've got the cards and the relevant information, me who's no experience in tasting alcohol or anything whatever I mean. 41:28 Speaker 2 I have never drink in my life. I don't know what it's like. 41:31 Speaker 1 Is in my pretentious tasting of alcohol. You know, sniffing the aromas, spitting out and whatnot. Aye. So you've got the notes on what flavours and shit are on those cards, right? Yeah. So I'll take a swig of 1 and I'll try and explain what I can taste and you tell me if I'm close. 41:51 Speaker 2 Firstly, we're going to go through this. 41:53 Speaker 1 Course, there's a lot of rules on a tiny piece of card. 41:56 Speaker 2 It's nice. Four things I want you to do with each. 41:59 Speaker 1 Other 4 I feel like I'm at a party and someone's whipped out a card game with a set of rules attached.

Glen Andrew

42:06 The Unnamed Distillery: Glen Andrew Highland Single Malt Review The first one is Glenn Andrew Highland Single Malt Scotch Whiskey. Glenn, Andrew, right now this is what I want you to comment on. 42:16 Speaker 1 It's good it's gone. Go on. What am I commenting on? 42:19 Speaker 2 It's colour first, right? 42:21 Speaker 1 It's whiskey coloured. 42:23 Speaker 2 Wait. 42:24 Speaker 1 Hold up to the light. 42:25 Speaker 2 Is it pale straw, rich amber, bright copper, reddish? 42:30 Speaker 1 Is it one of those four options? 42:32 Speaker 2 I assume that those are just examples. What? What colour would you stay that as? 42:37 Speaker 1 Piss. Yeah, that's. 42:38 Speaker 2 What I was? 42:41 Speaker 1 Thinking it's all whiskey. Looks like piss. Sometimes a bit darker. 42:45 Speaker 2 Yeah, it's WM Don't. 42:49 Speaker 1 But if I saw it right, Oh yeah, I guess OK, if you want me to be like potential about it, Amber. 42:56 Speaker 2 OK, Amber. 42:58 Speaker 1 Why Amber? I feel like this guy needs to drink more water or less water. 43:03 Speaker 2 Not much more water. 43:04 Speaker 1 No, Yeah, you probably, probably. 43:06 Speaker 2 Looks like someone is quite hydrated, but yeah, maybe do a little bit better. 43:10 Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not dark, is it? 43:12 Speaker 2 No. 43:13 Speaker 1 All right, Gwen, Drew. 43:15 Speaker 2 The next thing you got a way to do is. 43:17 Speaker 1 On the Glen Drew. 43:18 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pass it smoothly under your nose, sensing the aromas as you do. Closing your eyes may aid concentration when you open it to open I. 43:32 Speaker 1 Didn't know you wanted me to open it. 43:33 Speaker 2 You have to smell it, don't you? 43:35 Speaker 1 I smelled. 43:38 Speaker 2 The weight. Oh, it was the smell of cheesecake. 43:42 Speaker 1 Right. Go on, talk me through what I'm going to be smelling again. 43:47 Speaker 2 That like I'm going to read it to you again go on it doesn't give you any talking points for this one pasta whiskey smoothly under your nose. How do you? 43:56 Speaker 1 Pass it smoothly. 43:58 Speaker 2 Drift it back and forth. I guess sensing the aromas as you do closing your eyes may aid concentration. 44:06 Speaker 1 May it might not though. And it doesn't because it smells like whiskey. Like not good whiskey. And I can't say that because I've not tried it yet, but I have a whiff. 44:15 Speaker 2 A little. 44:16 Speaker 1 Smelly, don't let my judgement, you know, impede. You can't say what I said because that's just copying. 44:24 Speaker 2 God. 44:25 Speaker 1 Be adventurous. And then my eyes closed. 44:29 Speaker 2 Yeah, look. 44:34 Speaker 1 I said Oh my God, you're going to get drunk. 44:36 Speaker 2 I think to me, Go on smells a little bit citrusy. 44:42 Speaker 1 You get citrusy now, a little bit of it. Have you got cheat cards in front of you? 44:46 Speaker 2 I've actually got the real card. 44:48 Speaker 1 Got power suggestions? Fucking strong because I think I can smell it. 44:55 Speaker 2 I don't. I don't think it's a purple citrus. 44:57 Speaker 1 Milk. No, now I'm getting banana. But I think it's gonna be that banana milkshake coming back up from before do. 45:03 Speaker 2 You feel sick. 45:05 Speaker 1 It's got a low fucking. 45:07 Speaker 2 Oh my God. 45:07 Speaker 1 Whatever, Yeah, I can get a better. 45:11 Speaker 2 Hint of that. The next bit is the palate before you put it in your mouth. You know you're eager for that kind of stuff, right? Let me read you the rule for it. With your tongue in a small spoon shape, take a sip and let the whiskey sit on your tongue. 45:29 Note the characteristics on the palate. Small spoon yes. Do a small no. Don't curl it. 45:36 Speaker 1 That's what I'm sorry. I can do a small spoon. That's all you're going to get. You're going to have to get a curl. Don't know if it make a spoon like a little dish. I'm going to put that on the right. 45:47 Speaker 2 Is this like, is this? Is this what women see when they. 45:53 Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I'm just curling my tongue into the fucking mouth, stabbing him with a curl. Oh, you've never had the curl tongue mic experience. Next time I next, next time I grow or someone, I'm going to try and go in. 46:12 I'm going to do it for me in my own purposes. While I'm doing that, I'm going to do a little curl tongue. But just scoop up that clip. Just Nestle it in my curled tongue. And I was like, never experienced that before. I'm like, you wouldn't have done. I'll be giggling to myself because I think that's hilarious, right? 46:31 Just let it rush on my tongue, basically. Yeah, tongue. No, it's behaving. It's behaving. 46:39 Speaker 2 Like cheeky. Is it a naughty little number? How long do? 46:43 Speaker 1 I owe it there for. 46:45 Speaker 2 It doesn't say I don't think there's any rules. It's just, well, not not on length of time, but yeah, just just like sit on your tongue for oh, let's let's say 5 seconds. Yeah, I do 5 seconds whiskey into the spoon for five seconds and then tell me what what you're getting at. 47:03 They're. 47:05 Speaker 1 Making me overthink. I have to swallow it to speak. Well it touched my lips 1st and I think that put me off because obviously you get the tingly sensation right. 47:21 So it sat there for a bit and I thought. 47:24 Speaker 2 Yeah. 47:25 Speaker 1 Well, this tastes a bit flat, like not as sharp as what I'm used to, you know, whiskey wise. Like it didn't sting as much as like cheaper whiskey does. I guess it was just like the, you know, and for a minute I just didn't taste anything. It was like kind of like water for a bit and then I swallowed it and then it burned a bit again. 47:44 But it was a good burn. I have a go. 47:46 Speaker 2 Did you get anything from the flavour? 47:48 Speaker 1 I want to say citrus about things because you said it before. I don't, I don't think I tried to like, roll it around my tongue. Was that just to hold it? I was. I was too focused on making my tongue look like an actual kitchen utensil. 48:04 Speaker 2 This is something that I didn't realise. Go on. I didn't read earlier because the next point after pallet it says finish right after you've swallowed. Note how long the taste lingers in your mouth and nostrils. 48:18 Speaker 1 None of it in my nose, I can tell you that for no good. 48:21 Speaker 2 That's good. It's a good start. 48:24 Speaker 1 I guess it's still on my tongue. I can still taste it. Why did it rest? How is that spoon shape going for? 48:34 Speaker 2 You It tastes like whiskey, so it takes like. 48:42 Speaker 1 Go on. No. What were the characteristics of it while it was on there? 48:46 Speaker 2 I know it was warm. Yeah. What? What else can you say is? 48:52 Speaker 1 There a Glendale card which tells you what it should be like. 48:57 Speaker 2 Yes, there is Go. 48:58 Speaker 1 On Let's Find It, Oh, I just got a bit more of the taste. I just did a little burp whiskey. Oh. 49:04 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, there's more of it. OK, so Glenn Andrew Highlands Single Malt Whiskey is from an unnamed named distiller. 49:16 Speaker 1 Just name it. 49:17 Speaker 2 In the Scottish Highlands and as. 49:19 Speaker 1 A no, fuck off, right? Oh, you building this distiller, right? Yeah, yeah, but Scotland distiller, like, what are you going to call it now? We'll come up with it later. Are you sure? Yeah, call it Glendale. 49:31 Speaker 2 Because I call it Glenn Andrew Highland. 49:36 Speaker 1 Don't give it a fucking name you dickheads. Or name distillery. I feel like it's shit whiskey. They just didn't want to be named. I think that's what happened. 49:47 Speaker 2 Anywhere Glenn Andrew Highlands Single Malt Whiskey is from an unnamed distillery, the Scottish Highlands, and has a toffee and honey character. The Highland Whiskey region includes all of Scotland's islands except Isley and has a huge diversity of flavours and characters. 50:06 From lighter whiskies all the way through to spicy varieties and salty coastal malts, this is what you should have Smell. 50:15 Speaker 1 All right. 50:16 Speaker 2 Notes of caramel with light floral tones. 50:19 Speaker 1 No. 50:20 Speaker 2 This is what you should have tasted. 50:21 Speaker 1 I don't know what floral tone is. Listen to that flower. 50:26 Speaker 2 You should have tasted light notes of honey, pepper and caramel. 50:31 Speaker 1 Did you get any of that? 50:33 Speaker 2 It was a little bit sweet on my tongue. 50:35 Speaker 1 This is not just power suggestion again. 50:37 Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. I mean, I've had because it did. It wasn't like toffee or honey. 50:41 Speaker 1 I've had honey Jack Daniels and I can taste the honey in that, can taste the sweetness in that one. 50:47 Speaker 2 Anyway, it's a finish. It's medium long with toasted notes. Toffee Oak. 50:53 Speaker 1 Probably from Scotland. 50:55 Speaker 2 Oh my God, that's out. That's the Glenandrew Highlands single malt. 50:59 Speaker 1 Right. What's in this phone? Yes, it's. 51:02 Speaker 2 Adorable in this.

Tomintoul Glenlivet

51:04 The Gentle Dram: Tomintoul Glenlivet Aged 10 Years What's whiskey #2 what have you got for me? 51:07 Speaker 2 Whiskey #2I. 51:08 Speaker 1 Thought you're going to just like Grosz, spit in a cup and be like, here's your whiskey #2 what's the characteristics of this? 51:16 Speaker 2 This one's called Tom and Tool. 51:19 Speaker 1 Tom and Jerry. Tom and Jerry. 51:20 Speaker 2 The gentle drum. 51:22 Speaker 1 Pump up the drum. Pump it up the gentle. 51:28 Speaker 2 Whiskey Movie. 51:32 Speaker 1 The gentle DRAM is pumping. 51:35 Speaker 2 My God, this is a single malt Scotch whiskey aged 10 years. 51:40 Speaker 1 Plus the years that you didn't open it so. 51:42 Speaker 2 11 years then. 51:44 Speaker 1 Yeah. Wasn't the last one a single malt? Yes. All right. So I'm guessing that's the same colour, a little bit paler than the last one I saw. 51:53 Speaker 2 More hydrated? Yeah, to me this one looks looks more honey and water than the other one. 51:59 Speaker 1 Yeah, let's see what Tommy's got on Glen. All right, close me up. Oh, shit. I don't know why I leaned to the fucking microphone. This now? I did that last time I. 52:09 Speaker 2 Saw you do it. Yeah. 52:11 Speaker 1 Fuck. 52:11 Speaker 2 Better make sure the listeners hear this. Sniff is what are you getting? 52:17 Speaker 1 It's not as strong, but that might be because I've had one whiskey and now I'm just smelling what I think is the same thing. And my nose is like used to the smell of strong whiskey now. It doesn't smell as strong. Like it's not offensive to the nostril. 52:33 I can't get anything else. Like I think my nose palate is very undefined. It's like something either smells of chicken or is not chicken. 52:42 Speaker 2 It's one of the other, but. 52:44 Speaker 1 It's not chicken. 52:46 Speaker 2 But. 52:46 Speaker 1 I feel like there's something that. 52:49 Speaker 2 So just to reiterate for the listener, Tommy Tool is not chicken. 52:54 Speaker 1 Tommy Tool is not chicken. 52:55 Speaker 2 Absolutely not chicken. 52:58 Speaker 1 It does smell a little bit sweeter. 53:00 Speaker 2 Sweeter than the Glenn Andrew I. 53:02 Speaker 1 Think so, but then again I think it's just power suggestion. I'm fucking up my mind. 53:06 Speaker 2 Maybe have a little sniff, Let me get in that. Just make sure you can hear me smell it. 53:13 Speaker 1 Do you not think it's as strong? 53:15 Speaker 2 I don't know. I think this I. 53:17 Speaker 1 Think it's stronger actually. 53:18 Speaker 2 I do. I think it does smell a bit stronger like this one smells sweeter than that one. 53:24 Speaker 1 That's what I said, right? Yeah. I just say it smells sweeter. 53:27 Speaker 2 Yeah, but I would say that there's a, there's a warmth in, in this in the world as well. 53:33 Speaker 1 I got more of a warmth. And what were you learning things just. 53:39 Speaker 2 Listen, say what you smell all. 53:42 Speaker 1 Right, Roy Walker smell phrase. Oh, imagine, catch phrase. But it was just sense. 53:53 Speaker 2 Uncle's that dog shit. 53:55 Speaker 1 Or you uncover a squirt and then a fucking spritzer just powers off behind it. Say what you smell. And then with all these combined smells, you just got to figure out what the catch phrase is. 54:10 Speaker 2 Is it, is it called smell phrase? Yeah. Or is it catch? 54:12 Speaker 1 Smell. I think you could still be called catch phrase but you just use smells instead. Scent edition. I don't know how you could. You could only do a select number of catch phrases. Like the only ones I can think of that could be a catch phrase involves shit, but I can't even think of a catch phrase that involves shit. 54:34 A shit in time says 9 Eat shit and die. 54:38 Speaker 2 Too many shit spoil the broth. 54:39 Speaker 1 Eat shit and die could be one. Yeah, let's have a many. 54:44 Speaker 2 Shits make like work done it. 54:48 Speaker 1 They do indeed. It's just custom customers. Just contestants being all a wall. Smells of shit, Roy, say what you smell. It's not even Roy Walker who does it anymore. I think he's dead. It's like Peter Mullen or something in it now. 55:03 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Is it? Is it Peter? Is that his first? 55:05 Speaker 1 Name. I don't fucking know, I just know he's that shit CITV magician. 55:09 Speaker 2 Stephen. 55:10 Speaker 1 Stephen Mullen. That's the one. 55:13 Speaker 2 Onto the pallet. 55:14 Speaker 1 I didn't taste anything. It's. 55:19 Speaker 2 That you Co boy voice. What's going? 55:23 Speaker 1 On it burns more than the last one. The only thing I was aware of is I'm pretty sure this is fizzing on my tongue. The characteristics would be live lit. I'm pretty sure it was burning a hole through my tongue. 55:41 Speaker 2 I can't getting caustic. I'm getting it's a brimstone. 55:51 Speaker 1 No, the only thing I can say it taste is burning because it did just burn my tongue a little bit. Enjoy Tommy. 55:58 Speaker 2 Too try not to get it on my lips. 56:01 Speaker 1 Dude, it's so hard to take a swig and just get it on your palate because. 56:05 Speaker 2 Like that, that first one, it just it's like, it's like I started tilting it to any. 56:11 Speaker 1 Dribbles, I dribbles with it. 56:13 Speaker 2 Like my my lip was just a slide which. 56:17 Speaker 1 All you can do is drink it normally and then just put it on your tongue, but it's so at that point it might have even touched the back of your throat. 56:28 Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Bernie. 56:31 Speaker 1 Bernie Right, Mr. Sanders? 56:36 Speaker 2 My God, shit taste wise like like there's some kind of wood in there that. 56:43 Speaker 1 'D be the Bernie effect, I guess. Usually. 56:45 Speaker 2 Like smoked something maybe? 56:47 Speaker 1 I want to say it tastes smoke it, but because I like smoky whiskey before and it's like it. Oh, it's smoky. I know that didn't make me do it. Like smoky whiskey makes me just sound like an old gay man, apparently. 57:04 Oh yeah. 57:05 Speaker 2 Sure, Ron. What's the that that one doesn't linger as much as the other one? 57:10 Speaker 1 Though no, it burns your Gus. Yeah, it's like an ex-wife take the money and run with. 57:18 Speaker 2 It by fucking yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, there's some some some kind of wood in that 1, I think. 57:25 Speaker 1 Go on, like, like there'll be a hint of wood and my vocabulary just went it burns. 57:32 Speaker 2 This one I think maybe I should have at least read the first line in this because it tells me how to pronounce it, which is not what I've been saying. What? 57:40 Speaker 1 Have you been? What's it called again? What have you been saying? 57:42 Speaker 2 I've been saying tomintool. 57:44 Speaker 1 Oh yeah, that's how I'd read it as well, Tomintool. 57:48 Speaker 2 Pronounced tomint owl. 57:51 Speaker 1 Bullshit. If it was pronounced that, there'd be an ET and an owl in it somewhere. 57:57 Speaker 2 The distillery takes its name from the nearby village, the highest in the Highlands. 58:02 Speaker 1 The highest and the highs. We're going to taste the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and the gooey caramel middles. 58:12 Speaker 2 The highest in the Highlands of the same name and draws water from the Balentroon Springs. 58:19 Speaker 1 Does it tell you how to pronounce that properly? No Winget, it's. 58:24 Speaker 2 Located in the Glen Livid Estate, Torment Owl is sometimes referred to as Torment Owl. Glevin Lay tasting notes. Go on. So this is what we should have smelled. We should have smelled citrus and toffee tones with a hint of raisins. 58:41 Speaker 1 I don't get any raisins. I fucking hate raisins. What do raisins even smell like? 58:47 Speaker 2 Like dry old grapes. 58:48 Speaker 1 Like I get a grape smell. I can, I can just about get a whiff of grapes, but it's very, very light. I think no one, no one's opened a box of raisins. 58:58 Speaker 2 How they taste. 58:59 Speaker 1 No one's opened a box of raisins. I've got whiffs of raisins in here. Stinks of this. Oh, have you been eating a fucking put it a raisins mate? 59:11 Speaker 2 We did say, though, that this one smelled sweet. Yeah, it did. They were so. Yeah, supposed to smell citrus and toffee. Yeah, sweet. Whatever. This is what we should have tasted. Go on. Creamy with sweetness balanced by gentle oak spice. 59:28 Speaker 1 I want to sell it cream. 59:29 Speaker 2 Wood, surely? 59:30 Speaker 1 Yeah, Well, what is it? Creamy. Did you did you say creamy? No, I just made that up. 59:35 Speaker 2 Creamy with sweetness, balanced with gentle oak spice. 59:40 Speaker 1 Right seeing something's creamy with sweetness to me means it's oozing with sweetness. That was not oozing with sweetness. It just burnt and pissed off saying that I as harsh as it was, I think I prefer it over the first one yeah. 59:56 I think I should just say I think we should also rate them as well. Oh what's not a 10? Just like going system, which one's the best 1 I don't I I. Yeah, I couldn't give it a 10 because that's too many. If you think about them, I don't know, every one of them is going to be like a four or five or whatever. 1:00:13 No, but that one's so far the best. I think we just rate them in top three. So, so far, we've got the best and the worst.

Cragganmore

1:00:24 Speaker 2 Well Lord, so this last whiskey is space side single malt Scotch whiskey. 1:00:31 Space Side Single Malt: Cragganmore 12-Year-Old Review What side? 1:00:32 Speaker 2 Space side. 1:00:33 Speaker 1 Maybe it's from space? 1:00:34 Speaker 2 I hope so. 1:00:36 Speaker 1 Maybe we've got that space, Whiskey. 1:00:38 Speaker 2 This was distilled at Kragenmoor in space. Yeah, I think that's what it is. 1:00:43 Speaker 1 The asteroid known as Kragenmoor. 1:00:44 Speaker 2 And this one is 12 years old. 1:00:47 Speaker 1 13 years old. 1:00:48 Speaker 2 13 years old by by final cone. 1:00:52 Speaker 1 Oh, space side, not space side. That's like where the fucking kids from Saved by the Bell from. Aren't they distilled at Kragenmore? Kragenmore sounds pretty cool. Sounds like something from Lord of the Rings. 1:01:07 What the fuck is that from Kragenmore Distillery? I cannot read that word after distillery. You have a pop at it. It's long. You actually have to turn the bottle to get the full word. Oh, it says from Kragenmore Distillery, and then there's another name afterwards. 1:01:23 Speaker 2 From Kragenmore distillery at Balandalek. 1:01:25 Speaker 1 Yeah, that's probably right. Stop Bogart in the. 1:01:30 Speaker 2 Colour. 1:01:32 Speaker 1 I want to say they all look the same. Can I have? 1:01:35 Speaker 2 Yeah, I was already giving it you. Oh, you know what It's it's, it's got a richer. 1:01:41 Speaker 1 Yeah, it's slightly darker. Ever so slightly. 1:01:44 Speaker 2 I think that's the darkest one in it. 1:01:46 Speaker 1 Yeah, the first one was the darkest. 1:01:48 Speaker 2 First one was the darkest. 1:01:49 Speaker 1 I don't know, these are very similar. Probably put Lynch back on. 1:01:54 Speaker 2 Yeah. 1:01:54 Speaker 1 Just been like playing with them, putting them on my fingers, putting my fingers. Had a lynch for tips. Hey Linsford tips, get over it. What an insult. 1:02:08 Speaker 2 So this is the Klagenmore 12 years the scent. 1:02:12 Speaker 1 I want to say apple way. OK mate. Well if I'm being like weird about beside I want to be a hint of cider in there. 1:02:22 Speaker 2 I don't know. 1:02:24 Speaker 1 It tastes, I don't. 1:02:24 Speaker 2 Know what whiskey tastes? 1:02:25 Speaker 1 I think it smells apple way you have. 1:02:28 Speaker 2 A sniff. 1:02:29 Speaker 1 This is where you're like, you fucking idiot. Those raisins are nothing else, Carrot. 1:02:36 Speaker 2 Stinks of raisins. 1:02:39 Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a fruit that they don't even turn into like a shit fragrance for women. Is it strawberries, grapes, daylight, little perfumes that women have? No one has a fucking Oh yeah, Buy me that Forever 21 fragrance of Raisin. What are you getting? 1:02:56 Speaker 2 My nose is burning, don't start smelling it's taking such long job. 1:03:03 Speaker 1 Open. 1:03:04 Speaker 2 It. 1:03:05 Speaker 1 Try try and get high on pain. 1:03:07 Speaker 2 I'm not sure this one just smells of whiskey to me, I'll be honest with you. 1:03:12 Speaker 1 We'll, we'll clock the card in a SEC, Yeah. And I'm trying to try and do it quick. Comes out slow though, doesn't it? 1:03:19 Speaker 2 It was poorly. I was like how is it not there? I had to go so far back before the bit went in. 1:03:30 Speaker 1 Not as harsh as the last one or it's burning now. OK, so still burning and it's lingering for a bit. The burn, the burns lingering a bit longer than that one. Because that went straight away, right? But again, I'm going to double down and said there's like a fruity hint to it. 1:03:47 Speaker 2 Apple still, or just fruit in general? 1:03:49 Speaker 1 I don't know, it just tastes fruit. I want to say appley, but fruit. But if it smells appley, it's probably going to be appley, isn't it? 1:03:57 Speaker 2 It does. It does stand to reason. 1:03:59 Speaker 1 Stands to reason. 1:04:00 Speaker 2 It's it stands to reason. 1:04:02 Speaker 1 Let's see what you get. I know we've only had three swigs of whiskey, which is very not even a shot full each time. 1:04:09 Speaker 2 Just just tastes. 1:04:10 Speaker 1 I'm getting a light buzz off this. More salt than if I would add like 4 cans get off my lip. 1:04:18 Speaker 2 Get off my lip. Yeah, the burn hits after. 1:04:22 Speaker 1 The last of it, it's like it comes back up, don't it? 1:04:26 Speaker 2 You know what I'm going to say, Spiced Apple. 1:04:29 Speaker 1 You're getting the hint of the apple. 1:04:30 Speaker 2 Yeah, specifically spiced though, like it's. 1:04:33 Speaker 1 Makes sense. Apple's growing Scotland, right? Yep. 1:04:38 Speaker 2 Why not? 1:04:39 Speaker 1 Right, What's the card saying? 1:04:41 Speaker 2 Named after the hill behind it. 1:04:48 Speaker 1 I thought when you read that in my head I went named after the hill behind this hill. I did not named after the hill. That's the why not the hill in front of it. Anyway, Yeah, carry on. 1:05:00 Speaker 2 Named after the hill behind it, Kragenmoor's name derives from the Scottish Gaelic Kragenmoor or Big Rock. The distillery is situated on one of Scotland's great salmon fishing rivers, the River Spay, in Scotland's largest whiskey producing region. 1:05:19 Spay Side. 1:05:21 Speaker 1 Well, right made me want to visit. 1:05:23 Speaker 2 This is what you should have smelt. 1:05:25 Speaker 1 A. 1:05:26 Speaker 2 Combination of sweet floral fragrances, Riverside herbs and flowers with some honey and vanilla. 1:05:34 Speaker 1 Well, none of that. Also, that's a lot of things. 1:05:37 Speaker 2 It's a lot of things. 1:05:38 Speaker 1 Riverside I don't know what normal the. 1:05:40 Speaker 2 Shopping list of things. 1:05:42 Speaker 1 What's the fucking Riverside herb also? And all of them flowers they just listed. Did it just list four ways of saying flowers? 1:05:52 Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe. What did it say? 1:05:54 Speaker 1 Floral Riverside herbs. 1:05:55 Speaker 2 Sweet floral vagrances, Riverside herbs and flowers with some honey and vanilla. 1:06:01 Speaker 1 So three ways of saying flowers. So flowers, vanilla and honey got none of that. 1:06:08 Speaker 2 This is what you should have tasted. Go on Pondi palette. A strong multi taste with hints of sweet wood smoke and sandalwood. 1:06:19 Speaker 1 So it's more like the last one. Sure you don't got the cosmic stuff? 1:06:25 Speaker 2 The finish A long malt driven finish with light smoke and hints of sweetness. 1:06:31 Speaker 1 I got the sweetness part of it, I think, yeah. And obviously the the malt of it. No, what was that sweetness, right. I think the first one was the worst, like. 1:06:47 Speaker 2 I've put me in order of best to worst on mine. 1:06:50 Speaker 1 All right, do. 1:06:51 Speaker 2 You want to go first. 1:06:53 Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So I think the worst was the first. What was that? Was that? 1:06:59 Speaker 2 The second's the best and the third's what? 1:07:05 Speaker 1 Was the first one the? 1:07:06 Speaker 2 First one. 1:07:07 Speaker 1 Glen Drew, wasn't it? Yeah, so Glen Drew, I'm putting worst. I think what we just had second best crag and more and I think the best 1 was Tommy O'Toole. What's your order? 1:07:20 Speaker 2 Yes, that's it wouldn't don't belong Tommy towel quite good more and then Glen Andrew.

Whisky guessing

1:07:27 Blind Tasting Challenge: Guessing the Whiskies & Farewell All right. I've got an idea for to round off this segment. You have to play if you want, but I'll, I'll, I'll play, OK. 1:07:34 Speaker 2 OK. 1:07:34 Speaker 1 I'm going to give you one of these bottles at random. I'll unscrew the lid so you don't have to worry about it because you'll be got your eyes closed. Not going to blindfold you. I'm just going to hide it on goodwill that you'll play along. I'm just going to give you one at random and you're going to have to guess which one it is. 1:07:53 That's so we should figure out if they all taste the fucking same. 1:07:57 Speaker 2 What if, well, they give me the bottle, making me close my eyes, just put a bit into one of the lids. 1:08:04 Speaker 1 Oh yeah, OK, fair enough. I'll do it. 1:08:05 Speaker 2 And then I can have a tiny little. I can pretend that I'm a giant whiskey then. 1:08:14 Speaker 1 That's good as well, because the tiny mate in the lid won't. You won't be able to tell from the I don't think you'll be able to tell from the smell and the touch. But yeah, just the touch, whatever smell and the. 1:08:26 Speaker 2 Walk Oh, it feels like it's a. 1:08:29 Speaker 1 Don't, don't, don't sky for too long. Get it down there. 1:08:31 Speaker 2 No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not looking at it. I'm not. I'm not. 1:08:34 Speaker 1 Working. 1:08:37 Speaker 2 Those quaggon more. 1:08:38 Speaker 1 Glenn drew the confidence. 1:08:43 Speaker 2 That was Glenn Andrew. Yeah, now I can cut it so it looks like a goody light. Oh. 1:08:48 Speaker 1 Fuck, you don't do that. Well, no, because you'll never have a. You'll never have the audio of me going. Yeah, you did a really good job. And I keep talking really fast, so you can't edit that into. 1:09:02 Speaker 2 It I bet I could. 1:09:05 Speaker 1 Well, don't. Well, don't. Don't be disingenuous. 1:09:11 Speaker 2 I always say all these threats, but I don't actually that. 1:09:15 Speaker 1 Involves extra effort. 1:09:18 Speaker 2 Oh well, let's see. 1:09:20 Speaker 1 I just blind picked easy. I don't do a big paw. 1:09:24 Speaker 2 Of like what do you mean not big? 1:09:26 Speaker 1 The tiniest cops. I don't like an underwear. 1:09:29 Speaker 2 I don't know if I could have a whole thimbles. 1:09:33 Speaker 1 It's not. It's not even a thimble. It's smaller than a thimble. For only $0.25 more I can interest you in a super small I want cheat by smelling it or looking at the colour. That's how we go. 1:09:49 Wonder if that's a clue. What was the second one again? 1:09:53 Speaker 2 The second one we had was Tom and Towel. 1:09:56 Speaker 1 Is that Tom and towel? No. Was it the first one? Glenn Andrew. Yeah. Yeah, because it tasted the weakest. 1:10:03 Speaker 2 Is it the best one? No, and it's the worst one. 1:10:10 Speaker 1 No, like my initial thought was the first one, but I thought they did burn more because I remember the second one we had burnt more. That's what came up. But that's because I swallowed it. Funny, but you know, just try again. Yeah, sure. Glenn. Andrew. 1:10:26 No. Was it the same? Oh, fuck off. No, I don't. 1:10:33 Speaker 2 Well, you get another one anyway. 1:10:39 Speaker 1 Why? 1:10:42 Speaker 2 Anyway, that was whiskey tasting with the cube. 1:10:47 Speaker 1 Cube tasting. I wish you just had Ash. 1:10:52 Speaker 2 I think it was an all right segment. 1:10:53 Speaker 1 Yeah, it was fun. Let's do something fun at some point in the future, yeah? 1:10:59 Speaker 2 Yeah, sort of This boring, fucking normal podcast it was. 1:11:03 Speaker 1 Really funny. It was really funny. Like as of the day of recording, it's Valentine's Day and it is, well, you know, Valentine's Day. Went to a whiskey tasting with me and my bro. I guess it was cute. 1:11:23 Speaker 2 Oh my God. Jesus Christ. 1:11:29 Speaker 1 Albatross is coming. 1:11:31 Speaker 2 I still think it's the most unnecessary. 1:11:34 Speaker 1 What? It's so necessary. He's coming. He's just telling us what? Wrap it up. He sounds best. The albatross is better. Wrap things up quick. 1:11:49 Well, I've been, Michael. 1:11:50 Speaker 2 He says like he's making fun of me for being an idiot. Like a bully. He's a bully. He's a bully today. 1:11:59 Speaker 1 He's being bullied and he's going to come and tuck us in something rotten. 1:12:03 Speaker 2 Have you Have you not got a Simpsons? 1:12:04 Speaker 1 Quote Oh, I've got a Simpsons Quote. Stupid babies need the most attention. That's what I'm going to end with. 1:12:12 Speaker 2 I'm going to end with Ralphie. Get off the stage, sweetheart. that was Glen Andrew. 1:12:29 Speaker 1 Yeah, you did a really good job.

Episode Transcripts

Read the cube

Episode fourteen:
Clickbait and Whisky

Episode fourteen: Clickbait and Whisky

Episode fourteen:
Clickbait and Whisky