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Episode fifteen:
A House Elf's Fat Hog Takes Its Final Journey

Use the chapter headings and panels to navigate through the contents of the transcript.

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Contents
  • A Cold Open (0:01)
  • Real Fake Music (11:04)
  • Sowing the seeds of a big fat lie (15:32)
  • Difficult smell (22:27)
  • Real scientific facts about women (28:52)
  • JK Rowling is bad at writing (32:28)
  • Magic law (38:57)
  • Magic economy (43:42)
  • Wizards integrating into muggle society (58:23)
  • Magic grading system (01:07:03)
  • Gene Hackman (01:15:52)
  • Mike does actually have an OF though (01:22:44)
A Cold Open

0:01

Kojima does the same thing on Twitter all the time, like he'll he'll always post his film reviews. He'll watch a lot of fucking films and he's always fucking posting his film reviews and usually the deck length there. But if he doesn't like it, he's like sock up to marvel in tears.

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0:17 That's it. That's all you just know and anything spot that people are like, oh, I guess it's a bad one because Kojima didn't like it. What what what did Kojima do to get so massive lately? Because all celebrities are fucking busting the doors don't fit being his games. 0:36 Like I know he's a good like game maker and stuff, but to get the to get to the point of where Hollywood wants you, you know? But yet at the same time, they don't want you for direct to film because I don't think Ajima could direct a film. It'd probably be a mess for a start. Yeah, because it'd be all over the show, which isn't a bad thing in like the medium in which he pays to see if we're going to be all over the show are very long, slow and bored. 0:59 Boring. But yeah, really weird one. He's always said anyway, you couldn't direct a film because he couldn't find a way to appropriately fuck up the audience or, you know, absolutely. He's always looking for some sort of what's different, what's weird, you know, what can I do to set this apart? 1:20 You know, what real world thing can I put into this? So yeah, honestly, I think it's when I think he blew up into the mainstream wide like averse, because I think it's when Kanami like just sort of like. 1:36 Speaker 2 Stream. 1:37 Speaker 1 Averse when Kanami fired him, I just tried to let that fly and oh, you didn't pick up. Yeah, but I think it's like Konami let him go and I I feel like he he blew up more since then my death stranded came out and he didn't. I think he did well, but I don't think it was like it's very like, you know, you recognize it's a brilliant game if you if you play it and put the time into it and you recognize what's there and it like can be like amazing and weird story and weird direction. 2:05 I can't really speak for it because I've not played it. I will one day. It's on my list. Can't wait for that walking everywhere but his thing is was over time roads and shit will be built. So by the time I play it now I might just be able to drive to the end Maybe. 2:21 Well, yeah. 2:21 Speaker 2 I mean, the whole thing about it was it was a community based thing. 2:25 Speaker 1 Yeah, so I get it. And obviously he's he is good at what he does. But like Metal Gear I feel is only popular because it's an action games of the time, stealth action, you know cool, why not? But like all the Metal Gear he hadn't really destined was his first thing that he did. 2:44 Obviously Konami, Konami fans, Kojima fans absolutely love it, but mainstream appeal. I don't think it is, but he still gets toted as like one of the best people in gaming, which I find pretty funny because it's like he's really good friends with like Neil Drutman and like Kojima absolutely loves Last of Us both Part 1 and 2 and what Neil Drutman's done with like that franchise. 3:07 What? Not because they're always posting shit together and sharing industry secrets and shit together, but yet at the same time the Internet savagely hates Neil Drutman because, you know, he killed a main character and now he's like Neil Cookman or whatever. 3:24 Or. 3:25 Speaker 2 Yeah. 3:26 Speaker 1 Anything he does is is filthy and dirty. Oh he's got a new game coming out. Shit does look into it. No in Interstellar, more like Inter. 3:36 Speaker 2 Smeller. 3:40 Speaker 1 Oh, I was I I wasn't even know what I was going for. I was going for a into pocket. My wallet will stare because I am buying the so wordy. I know it's like a popular thing now with the people with the, you know, the sort of people who's like you'll see a trailer for like Shrek 5 and top comment will be best not be woke this, you know, and people live their life that way. 4:09 So like a popular thing that they do under like game reviews when they think our game reviews are game trailers when it's for them, it's considered too woke, which is a sliding scale for them. It's essentially something's in there that you don't agree with. You know, it's woke. 4:25 So underneath all those like sort of trailers, you know, you'll get it under. Last time I saw it was under the Assassin's Creed one, the new one, Japan, or what it shadows, I think it's called, but better if it was called Assassin's Creed Japan. That's what I call each Assassin's Creed. 4:41 After they did the Ezio thing over, it was Assassin's Creed London, Assassin's Creed France, Assassin's Creed Egypt, Assassin's Creed Greece. In my head. That's just all right. I don't know the subtitles of all of those ones. I just know where they sat. But yeah, they'll always go. I identify as non binary this product. 4:59 Like that's the joke that they keep going with under anything that they considered too woke for them. It's just it's just the most. Like some shitty right wing comedian probably said that once and then they all probably piss themselves with laughter. 5:20 That's funny. That word play is so fucking good. I I am going to use that DA Tim, Jed. Jed here, let me rewind it. Look at what this guy said about that new woke game coming out. 5:38 So I identify as non pioneering this product. Do you hear that? Fucking brilliant mate. Yeah, write it down. Write it down for everything. It's like, what was the thing I sent you the other day where guy Elon Musk said something about his passwords, 8008 and then yeah, like, oh, you can. 6:03 Oh, no, it's his nice password, his phone number, or you can reach me at something, something, don't care. 8008 and then that, that's it. You left it at that. And then some fucking idiot broke it down. Well, actually 8008 is quite funny because Elon Musk, because he's a very clever guy. 6:24 If you were to type in 8008 on a on an old analogue calculator and turn it upside down, it would actually say the word boob. So, Elon. 6:35 Speaker 2 Musk said it looks like. 6:38 Speaker 1 Shut up, they're idiots, not me. You have to turn it upside down if you spell out boobies. You're a Muslim basically just said you can reach me out. 6:53 I don't give a fuck boob. The left can't handle this comedy. Comedy is now legal again. Like that's their fucking scale of humor. Insane. Yeah. So non binary and boob. 7:10 Speaker 2 Yeah, whether it's legal or illegal, I guess. 7:14 Speaker 1 What do you mean they're trying to make comedy illegal? I say no, make it legal again. They never banned comedy. They never made it illegal. Oh. 7:30 Speaker 2 My. 7:31 Speaker 1 God, imagine it. Imagine if it was illegal. Imagine every time someone like knocked on your door. Oh shit. Is this the start of a joke? Not an idea. Call the fuzz. Can you believe in the UK people getting arrested for sharing a memes? 7:51 Can you believe that? Disgusting. Interesting. We'll look into this. You didn't come up with your Papas again? Yeah, I think I've. 8:00 Speaker 2 Got some? 8:04 Speaker 1 Says that, but he's left the room. I don't know if he'll pick this up on the audio or if you're leaving it out. But I'm going to get naked. I'm just going to whip my Dick out live. And that's good because that was just an audio treat for me, but a visual gag. 8:23 But there's no cameras there. But it happened. Something fun for you to listen back later on. So yeah, you you aren't listening back now, are you? No. 8:33 Speaker 2 No, no, I'm just making a mental note to delete minutes 11:50. 8:41 Speaker 1 Before you listen to it but you'll miss the bit. I did a bit. I was very quick and rushed with it as well. I actually did an audio and not a visual gag. 8:58 Exactly. That's why you're so good. Even if it even if we had cameras rolling, you couldn't even show it on camera, you'd have to blur it out. This. 9:10 Speaker 2 Sounds like you've been earning at your bollocks again. 9:13 Speaker 1 Essentially that, you know, just whip my Dick out in front of the microphone, yeah. 9:21 Speaker 2 Listen to this. 9:24 Speaker 1 Hey, this is something that they don't want you to see in City Hall. You roll that fast, I even I just saw you getting with your papers and then you just had a cig in your mouth. Fastest fingers in the cube? 9:38 Speaker 2 Ladies. 9:44 Speaker 1 Going to do raw nicotine into the Clara. 9:47 Speaker 2 I'll do whatever they want with do. 9:50 Speaker 1 You mind if I like this? I think I think that's how you smell. 10:03 Speaker 2 Oh my God. Anyway, welcome to another episode of Trapped. 10:22 I am Jack. 10:23 Speaker 1 And I'm not. 10:25 Speaker 2 Why did you find that so funny? 10:29 Speaker 1 I don't know, just the leading into just the imagery of like having someone with like an A longer clit than normal and then finding a way to put little flex and nicotine and actually rolling it up and trying to smoke it. And then I had the visual image of like, could you actually like if you removed like a layer of skin like Ed Gein style, could you actually roll that and smoke it? 10:53 That's why I was going to my head and then you said, welcome to the queue. I was like, oh cool, that's how we're starting the show. Cool. Michael looks totally normal. 11:02 Exploring Fake Music from Fictional Universes Every week I.

Real Fake Music 11:04 Speaker 2 Don't think we've got anything else specific to talk about this time. 11:07 Speaker 1 No, I was going to mention something to you. Not really much of A topic. I was going to mention it, but I don't know if it's good to think about it. I'll just go off the fly. But I was thinking of today because I woke up this morning feeling bad. 11:24 Now I woke up this morning and I had Do you know the song from Cyberpunk? I think it's called Fadeaway, like beautiful fadeaway, whatever the samurai songs, one of the Eddie Urodon songs. Anyway, I had died in my head this morning. 11:40 So I was giving it a a bit of listen to like coming home from work and stuff. And I listened to it a bit in work as well. And I was thinking about what is, because I think all of the music in Cyberpunk is fake music, as in, yeah, it exists in our world, but through cyberpunk, you know what I mean? 11:59 Oh yeah, yeah. So it's, it's real music, but Samurai's a fake band. But they've got like 4 songs in the game. I was going to say like, what is your favorite fake real music? Like it's only exists in like a film or a game. There's only a couple of examples that I can think of off top of my head, and that's one Cyberpunk, because not all the music in that is made specifically for that game. 12:23 You know, none of it was released beforehand. It's all in that world. The Star Wars band that are in the Guardians of the Galaxy game. 12:33 Speaker 2 Oh yeah, they're really good. 12:34 Speaker 1 Yeah, that's really, again, fake music. That's really fucking good. And then I'd say the popular 1 is from Scott Pilgrim. The what what she called not Brie Larson, the envy Adams Envy Adams song. 12:54 It's just a really good fucking song. 12:56 Speaker 2 The band's called Night at Demon Head. Yeah. I think this song's called Black Sheep in it. Yeah. Yeah, That's a really good song as well. Little bit of music. I'll be honest with you. I was struggling for it, just trying to think of myself. But what did come to me was Mordecai and the Bigbys. 13:13 Speaker 1 Oh yeah. 13:14 Speaker 2 I really like it. It's like, it's like kind of shitty, but I think that's the point in it, you know what I mean? And I do sort of job with that sound as well. 13:21 Speaker 1 Sort of like a mouse rat from Parks and Rec because like, I don't think they ever did a full, full song other than 10,000 Candles in the Wind. But but 10,000 Candles in the Wind's a pretty fucking good song. 13:39 But you always heard like snippets of the songs, I think. And then those snippets of a song was like written, well, it was for a joke when it was like as a punchline, you know, like you come in and they'll be walking in, you know, or he'd say the name of some of his songs or, you know. 13:56 Oh, yeah. It was really funny about that is when they were coming up with, like, different band names. You know, they always, like, flirted between most Ratskirk Robot. Another one, I think one of the early episodes, he said one of his band names was going to be Scrotation marks. I don't know if that was in the episode or if it was a Chris Pratt ad Lib because he's done some pretty unhinged, very, very funny fucking ad libs that were like behind the scenes. 14:22 But no, I think they said scrotation marks in the show. Another one would be God I had it in my head down and start talking about Maestro. Oh no, Lost had. 14:34 Speaker 2 Oh yeah. What was the Charlie? What was? 14:35 Speaker 1 CCC yeah, his fate band was called Drive Shaft and they they had one. They never, which is insane because that show ran for like fucking about 6-6 years. It ran for and they never once sat down and actually wrote a single drive show song other than you all everybody, which is the the number one hit and that they only bothered writing down, which is something that I think Charlie Dominic Monaghan made-up on the spot. 15:04 You all, everybody. You know everybody. That's it. That's the song. That's all they keep repeating. Yeah, that. And when they were writing a softer ballad, a song called Funny Now, it's like Funny Now. And that's it. That's all you hear Another, another one. 15:22 When they added a nappies deal where they sang you all baby, You're all you're all baby booties when they were trying to sell like nappies.
Sowing the seeds of a big fat lie 15:31 Sowing the Seeds of a Big Fat Cyberpunk Lie But the thing anyway, what I was going to say about if you do think of some fake songs, I'll tell you a little story about in work today about samurai. So I was listening to Fade Away by Samurai and our boss comes in as ever the person to try and show interest in things that he's not interested in. 15:51 Oh yeah, this is pretty interesting what you're listening to. Oh, yeah, it's it's a bank called Samurai. All right, cool. So I never heard it before. What what what what they about? It's quite an interesting story, actually. So this song is actually sung by a guy called Eddie Erudine. 16:06 And they they were kind of big back in the day, like early 2000s, but they really like blew up when the lead singer died when he was him and a group of other militant people tried to take down like the the mega corporation. 16:22 Speaker 2 It was labeled as a domestic terrorist. 16:26 Speaker 1 Yeah, he was trying to take down the Arrow soccer building in in LA. What? Fuck off. I would have heard about that. No, no, no, I'll prove it to you. Hang on. Let me just bring up the Wikipedia thing. I had to just type in Samurai Band. 16:42 And this is the first comes up is the Wikipedia entry of Samurai. And it's really funny because I can't just show him like these snippets from like wiki. It's like, you know, samurais, a Chrome rock band based out of night sitter actually LA formed in 2023, fronted by Johnny Silverhand, you know, quickly gained underground scene, becoming a new major influence in the in the anti corporate rock a boy movement shaping what they would become today. 17:11 Notably their singer Johnny Silverhands was a prominent figure and fought against the corrupt U.S. government and the mega corporations. You Scroll down and you can say stuff like they got the first hits in like 2003, you know, because, you know, that's very apartment. And then when hang on. 17:27 Oh. 17:28 Speaker 2 This is such a good fucking long con. 17:30 Speaker 1 Yeah, I know, right? So ever. In 2023, Johnny, alongside several several friends, LED a militia assault team on the Arisaka American HQ when they're intended of ending the corporate war by destroying a tower with a mini nuke. 17:49 Just there. It's on Wikipedia, so, you know, fuck off. When did that happen? 2023, last year. Yeah. It was like, essentially, I don't know if you know about our soccer is kind of like Amazon, but not as big. 18:06 Fuck. They sound really good. Yeah, yeah. You should listen to them. Idiot. Well, absolutely idiot. So I thought that was a funny bit to tell. And that's what got me thinking about fake real bands. I was listening to the because I would say I was in a cyberpunky mood. 18:23 I was listening to like the just the playlist of series of songs on the way home. I didn't know what I was looking through what was in there. And like, do you know how like they have like in the world of cyberpunk? Like, obviously Eddie Erudine, you meet him, you hear his music in the in the game. 18:42 You meet does that singer, that pop singer who goes missing, you get what? I shouldn't go missing. She's hiding in a hotel room. You've got like a Scott or out or something. There's a dead body involved. I don't know. Can't remember what she's called, but she's got a couple of songs in the game. Izzy Wizzy. Yeah, she's voiced by Grimes, which is why Elon Musk wanted why he thought he could get into the fucking game. 19:02 But they were like, I want nothing to do with this man. He seems annoying. And and then she's in the game. She's got music in the game. Same with Us Cracks. They're in the game, but they've got music in the game. It's really weird. When Phantom Libby came out, one of Phantom Libby, Phantom Liberty came out. 19:18 Idris Elba sings like a song for Phantom Liberty and it's his voice. And now in the playlist it just says sang by Idris Elba. I'm like, Can you imagine if that was his in game character? That wouldn't make no sense. What was he called again? 19:34 Speaker 2 Charles something I. 19:35 Speaker 1 Can't remember, I thought he had like a code name or something. It was just weird that he's just, I don't even know. Oh, it says he's a singer and a an actor and a rapper. So I guess he does sing a bit. 19:46 Speaker 2 Solomon. 19:46 Speaker 1 Reed. That's it, Solomon. 19:48 Speaker 2 Reed I got Charles for. 19:49 Speaker 1 But looks like a Charles. But yeah, yeah, he did. He did shot for nights there for cyberpunk even. But yeah, I'm not going to be thinking to Cyberpunk about it today like I obviously do most weeks I think about cyberpunk. 20:05 No I only I only realized that on my second playthrough, which is stupid I know, but maybe I wasn't paying attention the first time around. But on my second playthrough I only realized that all the missions or gigs are named after albums or songs. 20:19 Speaker 2 Yeah, the song titles. 20:21 Speaker 1 Yeah, which I think is pretty cool. 20:22 Speaker 2 Supposed to link as well. Like what? What happens within the mission is loosely based on what the song is actually about, as. 20:30 Speaker 1 Well, that's pretty cool. I didn't know that, which is weird. That implies exists our music, you know, exists in that world anyway. But yeah, there is no music from our world in that game, which is insane. But if they were a lazy developer, they would have just dropped a bunch of needle drops in there. 20:52 Oh yeah, people love fucking Thin Lizzy's jailbreak. Throw that in there, You know what I mean? But honestly, testament to I think about this so much like Cyberpunk, I absolutely fucking love the game. I love the world. It's everything. You think about how you make a game, the first thing you want to think about is story, right? 21:10 Character, story, whatever you put it in the game, you're already doing good, jobs are good, and we've got our video game. Then there's action, whatever. There's all the different ways you can play it. Then there's the world building, all the different books and shit you can find, the little storytelling, what you call it environmental storytelling. 21:26 And then they go one step further and going, wouldn't it be cool if every like soundtrack on the radio was just like made for this world? And some tracks like referenced shit that was going on with the politics of this world or with the gangs, you know, whatever, what was going on in Night City? 21:42 Let's have a song about that. How do you approach an artist, like a singer or a band or whatever and say we want you to make fake music for our game. Like I don't know if the band that sang is it I want to go to your house or whatever. 21:57 I don't know if that's AI, don't know if that's a real they are a real band, but that was like they just had a hit in that or that song was written just for Cyberpunk. I don't know if that bands real odd. Do they have to go under that fake name and then they have their own real band? 22:10 Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm not sure, you know, Yeah. 22:12 Speaker 1 But I might. They've got real music in there that exists because they've got that one jazz radio station in it, which is just jazz. But no one wants to be driving around Night City listening to Skibby bops and BBD boops.
Difficult smell 22:27 Encountering an Unforgettable and Difficult Bad Smell Speaking of work, this is one story I wanted to tell you today before I forget. I did not know how to deal with the situation and I I handled it best I could without. I hope I didn't like be noticeable, but so we have to close the drive through today because our drive through coffee machine was just leaking from everywhere. 22:50 So it's like put that noise, clean it up, dry up, turn it off. We're not doing drive through today. So obviously people who usually come through the drive through daily. I forget out the car, come in, whatever, whatever this customer comes in, he is a regular. He tends to like a wife beater, you know, proper vest type, you know, big beard always as a fag hanging out of his of his mouth no matter what. 23:13 Obviously he couldn't take because he came inside, but comes in and he's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I'm not seeing you from this side. I can I can really tell know how much weight you've lost because he always seems to make a point of it's oh, you're not half man you used to be and all that stuff. I was like, Oh yeah, cool, you should see me that in apron. 23:28 In fact, you should see me with all my clothes off. You know, just started doing a bit of banter. Meanwhile, while I was having this bit of banter and try my best to keep a straight face, this guy had the worst stink I've ever smelt on a person. 23:43 It was like rotting cheese and sweat and my eyes were stinging while I was talking to him. Awful. And it was poignant and it lingered long after he'd went. I've never been in a situation like that before, but I'm like, this guy stinks. 24:01 The person who was making the drink on the headset was like, this is disgusting earlier. I'm going to be sick right now. And I'm like, I can't agree because I'm talking to the customer though. And then but as he's as he's trying banter with me back and forth, I'm like, I'm serving the next customer during the queue, like my arms here, I'm pretending I'm getting a cake, wishing the cakes under my arms stretched over here. 24:22 I'm tapping on till like, what can I get for you? You know, trying to be away from the smell. Honestly, it was bad. Like I went, I didn't throw up, but I ratched and my eyes were watering. Have you ever encountered a smell that bad on our person? 24:39 Speaker 2 Oh my Lord. 24:41 Speaker 1 That's that's rot. That is living rot. That's what I imagine zombies smell like. 24:48 Speaker 2 There's a guy who used to look at the same place I do. It was thick, like he made the air thick with his presence. You could smell him before you could see him. Oh, that's, that's not like emphasis. That's not a joke or anything. 25:03 You could smell him and then you were like looking around, trying to figure out where exactly he was. That's like dude, fucking Stan. 25:12 Speaker 1 That sounds like such a good idea for a horror villain, but you could not translate it well on screen, you know, like, yeah, oh, you can hear him coming before you see him. You can't do it with smell, otherwise you got the actors overacting. 25:29 What's that? He's nearby, I just don't know where. 25:38 Speaker 2 God damn, what honks. 25:40 Speaker 1 I don't think you could. I don't think acting has ever been done enough where someone's convincingly portrayed a bad smell. It's always, you got to do it over the top. You do it like you're doing it on a fucking stage. Play Pew with it. 25:56 Yeah. It's just it's weird One it's like screams or when people are generally frightened like you see people like you see like tik toks and like prank videos and stuff like the real ones, not the fake ones where someone gets jumped and surprised. Their screams are always weird and the body always does weird things. 26:13 It's. 26:14 Speaker 2 Always like this gutterable. 26:17 Speaker 1 Like. 26:17 Speaker 2 Horrible animal noise. 26:19 Speaker 1 A sound which makes the audience member laugh, which is why they don't do it on screen because it's a weird reaction they get. It's a guttural noise. The body does something weird they might do a little like nervous tick. The shoulders might go dead law, you know, they'll scurry off somewhere or they'll fall and jump, but no one does. 26:35 Those blood curd on the screams that you see in Hollywood. So, yeah, Well, what did you do with the guy who worked with who stank? Did anyone tell him? Did management tell him? 26:47 Speaker 2 Did he get? 26:47 Speaker 1 Gifted. Yeah, like every Christmas. Secret Santa. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him some good deodorant. Why? He never uses it. Mine I think he just covers it up. Get him some, get him some decent soap. 27:04 Speaker 2 Oh my God. 27:05 Speaker 1 Says it makes him itch. Get him some bar soap. Get him some bar soap. 27:10 Speaker 2 People did tell him, I just don't think he gave a shit to be honest with you. Just did not care he was the same guy was also banned from using some of the toilets because he decided to do some finger painting. Do you? 27:24 Speaker 1 Ploy this guy far. I don't say you did. 27:28 Speaker 2 Employ him, I'm not a fucking bot. 27:30 Speaker 1 Also who's painting and why is he fingering him in the time? So what? He picked his bum and and wiped what I'm. 27:38 Speaker 2 Saying is, is it? He gave some sort of I, I never saw it. 27:42 Speaker 1 Right was that cave paintings made a shit. 27:44 Speaker 2 That's that's the exact thing I was going to say to you. He did did some. 27:49 Speaker 1 Checking it was. 27:49 Speaker 2 People test cave painting. 27:51 Speaker 1 Checking it was people hunting like Buffalo with Spears and shit. 27:57 Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, he was told he was not allowed to use these toilets anymore because of that. 28:03 Speaker 1 You would think he'd be fired for that, right? 28:06 Speaker 2 Yeah. 28:07 Speaker 1 Rather than no no, don't poo and draw anymore. 28:10 Speaker 2 I don't don't hold it like a fucking charcoal pencil doing self portraits on the fucking. 28:19 Speaker 1 Wicking the tip. 28:22 Speaker 2 Oh, he's getting a bit dry. 28:27 Speaker 1 Disgusting. 28:28 Speaker 2 More visual gags. Oh my God yeah. Video gags and actual gags. The mom was a deplorable human being. 28:36 Speaker 1 Was he not a nice person? 28:38 Speaker 2 No, he's a bit of a fucking asshole as well to be honest with you. 28:40 Speaker 1 Do you have a partner? 28:41 Speaker 2 In in Crime. 28:44 Speaker 1 Was he in a relationship? No. Any women who work at your place? What did they think of him? 28:50 Debating Women's Superior Sense of Smell and Color They're like fucking stunk as well.
Real scientific facts about women 28:52 Speaker 1 Well, yeah, they've got, they've got like the, the ladies have like finer noses on there. They can smell basically. Basically, women can smell better than men and they can see more It's. 29:05 Speaker 2 This it's this actual scientific fact. 29:07 Speaker 1 Yeah, and they can see more colours on the spectrum when they shut. 29:11 Speaker 2 Up they can. 29:13 Speaker 1 Right, Yeah, any woman, right? Any right. Any woman who's picking out paints. My mum's mum one for one. I I bet you've had a Mrs. who's done this. Any woman who's picking out paint colours will show you 3 shades of the same red. The exact same red. And tell me each one of them is fucking different. 29:30 Do you want scarlet red? We've got Violet red and we've got some Violet. Whatever. I don't know. We've got scarlet red, we've got Ruby red, and we've got manta red and blood red. Show me a list of the Dulux colored chart. Am I? They're all the same fucking red. No, they're not. 29:46 They are vastly different. They're all the same red. Right, Let's move on to the black straw, matte black, charcoal black or noir black, blah blah. That's all the set, all black. It's devoid of colour, All of them. 30:03 I got banter black. Well, the black is colour known to man. Have you afforded that? Because that's owned by one artist and he doesn't like selling them. We got this one. Yeah, they're all the same fucking black. They're all the same fucking colour anyway. Turns out similar in some tribes and shit like that. 30:19 If you show like a tribe that's like not really been in the world or whatnot, you show them a color spectrum. They won't see like green how we see green. They might just see it as like one of the average colors or like whatever because they don't, which what? I don't know, it fucking works. We have these tribes, they have a very limited color spectrum because it's only what the brain knows. 30:38 Basically, your brain just fills in a lot of blanks half the time, and it's what your brain, yeah, is attuned to. So like, if you've only, like, if you've been living in the jungle where all you see is green and sand and brown, I guess that's your colour spectrum. And everything's like a variation of them, green, Browns and whatnot. 30:56 Maybe blue for the sky as well, I don't fucking know. But they've done tests on them. It's like they can't see all the different shades of red that we can see, all the shades of blue that we can see. I think it's the same for like women who like I'm pretty sure there's guys out there that can see that vast colour spectrum as well but I am not one of them. 31:12 And I think it's the same for smells because that there's like 4 cents really in there. There's like shit viable and strawberry. Like for me when I smelt this guy before because you couldn't not it literally smelt of cheese and Bo and that's all I could smell. 31:32 But when the girl was like making the drink, she was describing a smorgasbords of fucking colours, I suppose. I, you know what? I bet those people who can, you know when we did whiskey tasting, Yeah, I bet they have a broader no spectrum than us. I bet they can get those hints of those four different fucking lilies of the river. 31:50 Speaker 2 Yeah. 31:51 Speaker 1 Yeah. So what I'm saying is that, yeah, absolutely women can see and smell better than men. Most average man anyway. I think there's other guys that can see and smell better than me. 32:03 Speaker 2 Well, yeah, the guy fucking stunk. It was a Boeing human being. No one fucking liked him. 32:08 Speaker 1 I we, I know you said up. I remember I heard a Boeing and I thought you said he was a Boeing 747. So just people who live their life through being angry at everything, you know, like this is fucking annoying. 32:23 This is not what I want bullshit. I hate it. So they announced today that some guy got his name, you know, playing Snape, do you know, in the Harry Potter TV series.
JK Rowling is bad at writing 32:38 Critiquing JK Rowling's Lore and Harry Potter Casting But people are being very civil and normal about it because he's a person of color. So the reactions are absolutely normal. Let's see his name. His name is Pat Appa. 32:53 I'm going to butcher this Pat Appa ECI do I think? Anyway, it was this meme in particular I was going to mention, but yeah. How would you read his name? I don't know. 33:05 Speaker 2 If I'm being completely honest with you. 33:06 Speaker 1 Yeah. 33:07 Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not. I'm not even certain what it would help pronunciation if I knew where it was from. Like what? 33:14 Speaker 1 Yeah. 33:16 Speaker 2 Where where the name comes from? 33:18 Speaker 1 So everyone's, everyone's mad at this guy playing Snape. One, because he's not white, and two, because he's not Adam Driver, right? Literally the collective Internet, everybody went Adam Driver should play Adam Driver should play Snake. Hollywood had one drop just cast Adam Driver like it's that fucking easy. 33:34 The guys an A list Hollywood guy. I'm pretty sure he's Oscar nominated. He might have even won an Oscar at some point in his life. He ain't going to be doing a Harry Potter TV series for the next 7 years. How many years? How many films do they do? 8. 33:49 Speaker 2 Yeah, because the last year was split in two parts. 33:51 Speaker 1 Yeah, so it's seven years into, he's not going to spend 7 years of his life doing a TV series. That's insane. He's got films to do. 34:00 Speaker 2 I would think in all honesty that people are only like, oh, what are you cast on? Is it because he has the same haircut? 34:06 Speaker 1 Yeah, because. Because he looks, because he looks a little bit like fucking Alan Rickman. Alan Richardson was in my head. I'm like, that's not right, Alan. Because he looks a bit like Alan Rickman. I'm like, yeah, OK. He looks like a young Alan Rickman. Cool. And you think they're not going to put a wig on this guy? 34:22 You think they're going to make him bald? I was, yeah. But he's got a hook nose, aren't they? They're probably giving prosthetics as well. Do you know how many? Do you know how many noses in Hollywood have that Adam Brody look? No. What? They'll probably then they might do a bit of prosthetics on him. You don't know. And if they don't, whatever, it's HBO. 34:38 They've got a lot of money because the the cast, John. John Lithgow, I think. Yeah. As Dumbledore, I'm like, yeah, cool cast right now. That's cool. Even John Lithgow has said I hope it's good. This is probably the last thing I'm going to be in because by the time this series is done, I'll be retired. 34:55 You know, I'm like, it's a, it's a big fucking commitment to put like all your life. And it might not even be for the next 7 years. It might be for the next 14 years. Because nowadays they all, they usually have two years off between things, you know, or if it's fucking stranger thing, that's just our fucking six years out. 35:15 No, season 5 isn't coming out this year because of COVID. All right, cool, cool, cool. What about next year? No COVID. We're done with that now though. Maybe didn't. 35:26 Speaker 2 Hear there David all. 35:30 Speaker 1 Right. 20/20 was 2020 was four years ago. Why is it coming out in 2025? But yeah, apparently each episode's like going to be like an hour and a half or something, but whatever. And the kids are like 50 now. 35:46 I didn't think, I didn't know if you heard this, but Millie Bobby Brown's going to be playing my mom. But yeah, just people. 35:53 Speaker 2 I did hear that, actually. 35:54 Speaker 1 But people just getting angry at nothing, like, yeah, calling Harry Potter won't know whatever because you know, there's a guy in in it that doesn't appease what you think should be playing that character. So it's woke. Meanwhile, I love Harry Potter because JK Rowan's heavily involved in the casting and she's very anti woke. 36:13 She involved in the casting now. Why is she anti woke? Because she has those trans rights that you also agree with. So I mean, Joker Roman still loves the gays. You know, famously Dumbledore's game. They all forgot that when she just added that in there. I didn't say she wrote it well, she just said it offhanded. 36:30 Like because she's shit right up. She's a shit person, shit human being. 36:36 Speaker 2 Yeah, she's, she's very much like George Lucas in the way that he likes. Although just add that the bit in there. Oh, I'll just put this to the, you know what I mean? Like Star Wars has been released about a million top. 36:49 Speaker 1 Two times, yeah. 36:51 Speaker 2 About a seconds worth of footage that's no different. Just leave it alone, it doesn't matter, right? But at least he's actually making a physical change to something when she changes the rules. 37:01 Speaker 1 She just. 37:02 Speaker 2 Tweets something or she just offhand says it just all like by the way and always got a 12 inch Dick. Yeah, like what are you fucking talking? 37:10 Speaker 1 That's Canon, by the way. That's Canon. I I said it. 37:13 Speaker 2 She's a stupid bitch. 37:15 Speaker 1 Yeah, she had her own, her own like sort of Wikipedia page called like, Pottermore or something, which JK Rowling would update regularly, and it would just be her just adding bits of law every now and again. Oh, Harry Potter's children graduated from the class in 2027 and they all got a stars and all the fucking Harry Potter fans were like, oh, cool, cool, cool. 37:39 Oh, it's nice that we can see it. Write another book. Then if you want to continue the story, write another book. Don't just do these snippets and whatnot because these Harry Potter fans, they eat that shit up. Oh, did you do you know it's not in any books, But did you know Harry Potter's children like they married and whatnot together? 37:56 Because JK Rowling said, you know, do you know that Harry Potter's like, son married Ron Weasley's daughter? No. Why would I know that? I've seen the films once. 38:08 Speaker 2 A. Why would I know that B Is this not in in 15 years time? Why are you telling me this now? 38:14 Speaker 1 Yeah I know, but JK Rowling said this is what happened. Well she should put it in a book. Also, I don't agree. Personally, I don't agree with the Harry Potter TV series just being the films again spread out of like yeah, have the films as existing and do ATV show. 38:31 If you're under ATV show, have it spin off from the films still set at Hogwarts if you want, but set in Hogwarts like 20 years later or something on set in continue the stories going forward because now we just you have to wait. Like I said, 7 to 14 years if you're a big fan.
Magic law 38:47 One just to watch the same shit over again. One just to go oh, I like how they did that better or felt like I did that that was a bit shit I prefer the films, you know, just to do that when you could be like more because I do think the world is quite interesting when you could expand on the world more and and do something better with it. 39:05 Questioning the Logic of Magic and Muggle Interaction You know what I mean but JK Rowling won't allow them to do their own thing. It has to be something she overseas and she has to have some sort of creative control in it. You're not allowed to continue the world. You're not allowed to continue the story. You can't do a series where the fucking humans and the Wizards rise up and go to war together against each other. 39:27 Speaker 2 Be a short wall. 39:28 Speaker 1 Maybe a short war, but I imagine if you've got like artillery, tanks and shit like that, you know a couple of Wizards aren't stopping. Like a fucking no gather yes. I don't know. That's the thing that's never been explored. Explore what, man? You know what I mean? 39:42 Speaker 2 Yeah, like the whole thing, like, like in a sense it has been explored and and the explanation is it's magic. So that's yeah, it works. Do you know what I mean? Bullshit. Like the magic words to stop a nuke is Nucleus stopping us or whatever. 39:58 Speaker 1 Why is that red? Why is this red? Who wrote the word nuclear? Who wrote? Who wrote automatize tomatize? 40:15 How did they have a word for this right? Also the the government, the human government. Go on, do you spell? 40:27 Speaker 2 Penis Invertus. 40:32 Speaker 1 Also. 40:33 Speaker 2 Just say anything because the whole thing is. Is it? Realistically, the words don't actually matter, it's the intent in it. Yeah, the Wizards don't even need a wand to perform incredible feats of magic. 40:46 Speaker 1 No, they don't. It helps. It helps channel the magic. 40:51 Speaker 2 Yeah, it's sort of fine tuning. 40:52 Speaker 1 And Joe was bullshit. Joe was bullshit about that. Someone's worked better than others. So they have like, oh, you got a shitty cheap wand. Well, I've got this fucking high end one. Yeah. So there's a fucking monitor about. There's there's a class system. 41:06 Speaker 2 Dragging her and mahogany dickhead. Oh shit. 41:09 Speaker 1 Yeah, but Dad bought it for you though, didn't it? Or can I say as an investor, you fucking Nepal was you're only here because of your dad's, you know, money and wealth. I'm working with Fucking the Bramble 200. 41:29 Speaker 2 See this thing Holly Bush and Wizard? See this thing Holly Bush and Zombie Dick? This will blow you. Fucking suck up. 41:45 Speaker 1 No, but like the the government, like you know, the Prime Minister and shit and whatnot, they're all they, they know about Wizards on the human people. Why not? Yeah, yeah, the Prime Minister knows. Yeah, they have meetings occasionally, right. Wizards are, are real, right? 42:01 They exist. And some people, some humans know about the government know about you would absolutely during World War 2, you would absolutely have a wizard division in the army. You know to to help fight the fucking Nazis. Why the fuck wouldn't you and Hitler because it's real world shit in it. 42:19 Hitler would absolutely right. Are you telling me the German wizard in in the school of wherever that one is in Germany presume the German Wizards. Obviously they they also fall into some of Hitler's belief that you know what? 42:35 Pretty good show. 42:37 Speaker 2 I think this guy's talking about people like we talk about the mudbloods. 42:42 Speaker 1 Actually, I think, I think I think he's Muggles and geez are kind of the same thing. You know what, right, You know what, let's invite, let's invite, let's invite him to the school because he was introduction. He was into the accord. 42:55 Speaker 2 Wasn't it he loved? 42:56 Speaker 1 It absolutely know about Wizards existed because our real history exists, right? Yeah. Yeah. So realistically, there would be a wizard division in the fucking Nazi army. Are you telling me that he just didn't deploy them? Send in the Wizards, get them would be fucked. 43:15 So then we naturally have to send in our wizard army to help fight the Nazi Wizards and the American Wizards would join us and there be a whole the war would happen, but secretly there be a wizard war also happening somewhere off. 43:30 Tell that fucking story because that would be cool, but no, let's just do high school again. Fucking. Also, why is it always going to be set around high school? Like in my understanding there is a wizarding world, right?
Magic economy 43:44 The Absurdity of the Wizarding World's Economy and Job Market Hogwarts exists and then you've got that street of magic and shit where all Wizards going to live. That's not that's not All England get just a street and a school. 43:55 Speaker 2 A side street in London. Yeah, there's hidden behind a shop. 44:02 Speaker 1 That's all they get. They don't have their own like massive city or anything or no. 44:07 Speaker 2 They have like villages in like the countryside I guess. 44:11 Speaker 1 Right, the population of England's like what, so many, 100 million? 44:16 Speaker 2 It's like 70 million as. 44:17 Speaker 1 Well, 70 million, right? Are you telling me that there's about 200 Wizards in England? Is that it? 200 magic users? Some of that can fit into a school and have jobs around that tiny area. Insane. 44:31 Speaker 2 Speaking of. 44:32 Speaker 1 Also, before you interject, why are all these schools from all over the world? Because it's all I feel like the whole wizarding system is based around schools. Why are all these fucking wizard? Why are they all playing by the rules? Even Voldemort's kind of playing by the rules a little bit. 44:47 He wants to take over Hogwarts. He wants to take, he wants to kill Harry Potter. He just wants to kill the if he had vision, he'd take over the human world. You tell me. Not one evil wizard has tried attacking the human world. Because, like you said, he'd win, you know, And he got an army together. 45:05 You know what? We've been hidden for too long. We've been shoved in the gutter for too long. We're a secret. No one's but talk about us. We're out. And we prayed and we're zapping you, you know, and we're. 45:18 Speaker 2 The gay agenda. 45:21 Speaker 1 Am I? So yeah, tell that story that it'd be absolutely. If I was a wizard. I've got to keep it secret again. Meanwhile, Harry Potter, while keeping it secret, is reading a fucking moving pictures newspaper in front of everyone. 45:34 Speaker 2 In some cafe. 45:35 Speaker 1 Yeah, we all say is that, is that the times? Is it moving? What's Page 3 saying? Streaming Page 3 was still a thing back in the day, but so all the Wizards are playing by the rules and none of them are revealing themselves to the moggles all over the fucking world. 45:52 Bullshit. 45:53 Speaker 2 And they all covered. That's school life. Yeah, that's what it is. That's. 45:59 Speaker 1 Everything's based around that big school just in your major city or not even major city. Isn't it country? 46:06 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 46:08 Speaker 1 How many countries around the world I. 46:10 Speaker 2 Don't fucking know about 100 I guess. 46:12 Speaker 1 Yeah. So it's hundred hundred schools then? Yeah. Lame. Yeah, I bet every country's not have a school. I bet some are like too poor for have a school. But yeah, absolutely. So there'll be some. Also, is Voldemort the only evil wizard that's ever existed like that, that really big bad? 46:28 Like is he the only like Hitler equivalent? And even then, Hitler had more vision, tried to take over the world. This guy just tried to take over a school. He. 46:36 Speaker 2 Just wants to be headmaster, I guess. I think that's what he's the ultimate goal. 46:41 Speaker 1 But you know what? He got a lot of students on board as well. 46:44 Speaker 2 You get a lot of time off in the old days, don't they? You know what I mean? I mean, the pay's not great, but the owes aren't that bad. 46:53 Speaker 1 Do they even get fucking paid? No, they do, because they've got that bank, aren't they? That very questionable bank run by very questionable gnomes. 47:02 Speaker 2 Goblin. 47:02 Speaker 1 Goblins in charge of the money. Brilliant writing. Yeah, yeah, I fucking. 47:09 Speaker 2 That's just where every goblin, no. 47:12 Speaker 1 They're good with money. Goblins are good with money, right? Right. They play bankers and they whatever, they play lawyers. Hi, I'd like to make a deposit. I'll be a goblin today. Eric Goldstein. 47:28 That's why he's signing up to gob Nots or whatever the fucking banks. I know it's called Green Goblin. Gob Nots you are like I would love to see like not not like a you only call it a race swap but like swap all the goblins from Harry Potter with whatever water species is from Star Wars swap background. 47:56 Nothing would change. It would look exactly it would sound exactly the same anyway. No, I feel like water was more thick with his obviousness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 48:09 Speaker 2 Yeah, I was going to say to you about the employment that that Wizards have, because once they've left school, they are still Wizards. They just have a license to cast magic now, right? 48:19 Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, but you need a license to cast magic. 48:22 Speaker 2 Yeah, that. That's the whole thing about having to go to school and learn it properly. Yeah, because you can't just like as as a kid, you can't just be out in the street fucking fired off fucking magic. Willy, don't. 48:34 Speaker 1 They magic Willy. Can I just be? Imagine if that was like true for masturbation. OK, now I ain't going to school for that. 48:42 Speaker 2 So yeah, like essentially once, once you graduate, yeah, have a load right to cast magic as you see fit. 48:50 Speaker 1 For it can be open, you still got to follow the rules. You can't do it in front of humans and shit. Everyone's following. I would absolutely not follow those rules. Oh fuck it, I'm being. I'll be in pride. Wizard me. 49:01 Speaker 2 Then you'll be going to Azkaban, won't you? 49:04 Speaker 1 Not Alcatraz. 49:05 Speaker 2 No great, great name. No, no, no, no, no, not that one. 49:08 Speaker 1 What describe Alcatraz as a prison describe? 49:12 Speaker 2 Alcatraz, yeah, it's on the waterfront. It's its own island essentially, where they put naughty people. 49:20 Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, like visually there's. 49:22 Speaker 2 A lot of ghosts, that's. 49:24 Speaker 1 No, visually. What's it look like visually? 49:27 Speaker 2 A big building in the water. 49:29 Speaker 1 What's Azkaban then? 49:30 Speaker 2 A tower in the water. 49:33 Speaker 1 They look very similar. 49:36 Speaker 2 But how? 49:37 Speaker 1 Can I make Alcatraz some more with Alcatraz already sounds wizardy enough. 49:43 Speaker 2 This is the part I'm making right? 49:45 Speaker 1 You couldn't just say there's a spell and Alcatraz and Wizards are kept in Alcatraz. What? In LA? Yeah. San Francisco. Yeah. Yeah. Where's he even located? I. 49:55 Speaker 2 Don't know, just in the middle of the ocean or something I guess. 49:58 Speaker 1 There's 3 prisons in the ocean that I know of now. Alcatraz, Azkaban and Fought by Art. I'm assuming Fought by Art was a prison, but I don't know it was. I don't know which one. 50:11 Speaker 2 No, I don't think it was a prison, not just a castle. 50:13 Speaker 1 In the middle of the Did you ever see the game show fought by Art? It was prison. There was prison cells. There was prison cells in there. 50:20 Speaker 2 Within every castle there was some sort of dungeon. 50:24 Speaker 1 True. Ain't no one sieging on that castle. It's just in the middle of the ocean. Look at that, sire. Nothing but ocean for miles. No one's invading us. I want to nip out. Where do I get loo roll from? Right of bread. I'm hungry. 50:41 Actually on on second part. This was a bad idea. 50:45 Speaker 2 Anyway, the point being right, All right, Every year, well, there's a graduating class at Hogwarts. Let's forget about every other country's own wizarding school for a minute. Let's just focus on Hogwarts, right? So let's say that every single year there's a graduating class, right? 51:00 Right. So per graduating class, you're talking like, what, 60 kids? Yeah. So every single year there's over 60 Wizards that are they are proud, happy, and now they're looking for a job, right? Right. None of them are going to be going to normal Muggle work. 51:18 Speaker 1 Some of them are half a dude. There's not enough jobs because there's not enough wizard jobs. You can sell ones and sweep or be a teacher. They're the three jobs. Also, what are you gonna be teaching when you when you graduate? Now I'm gonna be I'm gonna be a weird sweet salesman. 51:34 It's either that'll be a frog 1 salesman. That's it. They're your fucking options. Work in the school which you've spent seven years of your life him sell ones or be a sweet shop. How many fucking competitive one shops do you reckon there is too many? 51:49 Speaker 2 I think that Olive Ander probably has monopoly. 51:54 Speaker 1 He's saying for SO. 51:55 Speaker 2 I think he bullied every lawmaker of a business. 52:00 Speaker 1 Imagine that. Imagine if that was. 52:02 Speaker 2 Every single person is they got the one from from him. 52:06 Speaker 1 Imagine if that was the case for like Cobblers back in the day. Or like shoemakers. Nah, I'm the only Shoemaker in this country. The only. It'd be well more believable if she wrote there was multiple schools in England rather than one. 52:24 Imagine if that was the case for humans. There's only one toilet and they make it all go at the same time. Imagine if that was the case for like normal people. 52:41 Shit, this school would be huge. 52:44 Speaker 2 My God, yeah. 52:46 Speaker 1 I think they live there as well for like half a year. Well, most of the year they live at school, don't they? 52:52 Speaker 2 Yeah, for like 9 months I think it is. 52:55 Speaker 1 I'm not one of them Wizards, but a fucking Game Boy with them, or a Game Boy Advance, or a game by Advance SP so they can see the screen. Not one of them, not one of them has a piece of techno. Not one of them has ATV in the room. 53:07 Speaker 2 Do you know I was thinking. 53:08 Speaker 1 They're a lot of electric guitars because they have that gig at the end of that one year. So they're not they're not afraid of Muggle technology. They're not banned. 53:16 Speaker 2 It I think most of them are the one like they're still setting this like old this like old wave. They don't understand what electricity is all. 53:25 Speaker 1 They're so unplugged from like the world because they Oh yeah, they don't have the Internet. They don't have anything. They live at school for like 9 months, like the fucking year actually when they go home and they're like, you know, meet the friends and whatnot or they're Oh yeah, I've been at my private school, you know, whatever. 53:40 Oh shit, I wasn't yeah, same, same old. How was how was normal school? Well, there's a war in Iraq now and the World Trade Centre doesn't exist anymore. And then the person who went to Hogwarts has to pretend. 53:55 Speaker 2 Oh yeah, that was, that was crazy, weren't it? Like the weirdest October I've ever had October. 54:06 Speaker 1 They you sure where they have like someone at Hogwarts, there should be a muggle what's going on in the Muggle world briefing room or something No, but they're. 54:20 Speaker 2 Not like The thing is is that they don't even learn any. There's no actual subjects, there's no mass of English. 54:26 Speaker 1 They're all shit. Spelling, handwriting, maths. 54:29 Speaker 2 It's all portions of. Do you know what I mean? Like all of it is. 54:33 Speaker 1 It's all wizard based. 54:34 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's also no outlets. You can't plug anything in. 54:39 Speaker 1 Did they set up all them amps and guitars on that prompt thing? 54:42 Speaker 2 Power No. 54:43 Speaker 1 There you go then. So that's. 54:44 Speaker 2 Infinite electric. 54:46 Speaker 1 So that's how they can do it with Wi-Fi, yes. 54:53 Speaker 2 Yeah, just whatever spell you on. 54:55 Speaker 1 Fibers GS No, I've got reception. Like surely they still have like social media and phones and shit. You know, they, they've got friends on the outside world. You know, they've got fans on the outside world. They see them during the summer most of the time. 55:11 And then when they finish school, they got to integrate back into society. They get getting a fucking job. I've been looking at your CV, mate, and it's pretty fucking weird. By the way, this is an accounting position that. Yeah, yeah, I'm fully worried that I just want to make some money. 55:27 You gotta, you gotta be starring potions. I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Wizards grade. You gotta it says, hey, you've got a six. 55:43 Speaker 2 No, I am gonna. 55:44 Speaker 1 Are you looking up for Holy grade? 55:46 Speaker 2 Yeah, because I did actually see it once and it is insane. 55:50 Speaker 1 I was gonna say something like, you've got 6 little tree faces in Alchemy, does that mean you're good with numbers? It says here Alchemy and there's a picture of like tiny trees with faces. What does that mean? I don't have to tell you mate. Are you good with numbers? 56:06 Numbers. What's 4 + 4? Couldn't tell you, but I'm good with money. 56:13 Speaker 2 Also I've got like 6 galleons on me right now. 56:17 Speaker 1 6 galleons of money, right? It's established in Harry Potter world Canon that they can pretty much just make anything from nothing if there's a spell from it. Yeah. Why is there a money? 56:32 Speaker 2 Is going to be a spell. 56:32 Speaker 1 For why is there a money system involved? Why is there a banking system involved? Why why is there a why is there a class based system for the most expensive ones when you could just infinitus money as there you go money. Cool. 56:47 Speaker 2 One metric tonnes of Golders. That's it. 56:52 Speaker 1 Yeah, like, why is there a banquet? Like don't put all this like economy shit in in place. If you if you immediately say that, it falls apart, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because famously the fucking what they called the ginger pricks, the rudies, the rudies, the weaselies, right. 57:12 They're the poor family. 57:14 Speaker 2 Right. I was, I was trying to come up with like an accent to go then. Hey, yeah. The name's Ronald Rudy. 57:26 Speaker 1 We ain't got a lot. 57:29 Speaker 2 Yeah, use that. Use that guy who lived. 57:36 Speaker 1 I'm just saying the normal Harry Potter lineup and it's just like Harry, Hermione and then the Penguin. 57:45 Speaker 2 Some really heavy set like 40 something year old fucking Italian American guy I. 57:53 Speaker 1 Hope that's how they recast it. Insane, insane. 57:58 Speaker 2 Anyway, I've got the grading system up on my phone. 58:00 Speaker 1 I bet it's a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, of. 58:02 Speaker 2 Course it's a bunch of bullshit, right? 58:04 Speaker 1 So tell me what the tell me what how mine is getting? Well, she was a five star student. What's her top grades like? What would that say? 58:13 Speaker 2 If if she got top grades and everything. 58:15 Speaker 1 Yeah, which she would, because she's a fucking swat. 58:19 Speaker 2 Should get all O's right?
Wizards integrating into muggle society 58:22 Speaker 1 So mine is getting all O's. 58:25 A Wizard's Hilarious Attempt at a Muggle Job Interview Let's let's do a little bit of a back and forth. OK, let's let's say that I've finished school of Hogwarts now and I've come into this PR firm. 58:34 Speaker 1 Right. 58:35 Speaker 2 And I want a job, right? 58:39 Speaker 1 Enter hi. 58:45 Speaker 2 Come because of the help wanted sign. 58:47 Speaker 1 What is this the 9:50 for the PR phone? Oh. 58:54 Speaker 2 OK, wait, wait. So knock, knock, come in. Hello. I'm. My name is Wade Fizwaggle. I'm I'm in for the 3:00. 59:05 Speaker 1 All right, Mr. Fizwaggle, take a seat. Thank you. Comfortable. Do you want a glass of water or anything? Cup of coffee. I'll. 59:12 Speaker 2 I'll just take some, just just take some water. 59:15 Speaker 1 Rookie mistake. Sorry. Nothing, Nothing. Nothing, right. Yeah, Miss Physwick. And you guys a glass of water, please, for Mr. Perry Bottom. 59:30 What the fuck was your name? 59:34 Speaker 2 I'm laughing because I chose that because it's like a weird weird but then. But then you talk to your assistant. You gave her the wizard name as well. 59:43 Speaker 1 Just Miss Bizwick. It's a normal name. Oh. 59:48 Speaker 2 My God, I think it's a fizz waggle. 59:50 Speaker 1 Fizz waggle. OK, OK. Miss Fizwick, are you guys like I'm not even changing it. Miss Fizzwick, you guys got a lot, please. Yes, Mr. Charles, I get the normal name in this scenario. Maybe she's a secret fucking wizard. 1:00:05 Maybe that's the thing I'm going for. She's got a job here. 1:00:08 Speaker 2 You mean maybe you're like, what? You're asking me, that's the thing you're going for? Is it the thing you're going for? 1:00:16 Speaker 1 Might be and then, then, then, then this whole thing plays out where you don't get the job and she tells you actually how to go about getting jobs afterwards. You don't know how this is going to play out. This could be our lives that we are told from now on anyway. Yeah, so I'm so obviously it's just a PR firm. 1:00:34 You know what we're about. How did you find out about us? 1:00:38 Speaker 2 I. 1:00:47 Speaker 1 My personal hour, whatever they fucking called and any jobs going who, who? The Piafa, that new, new people, Who who? There's a fucking coffee shop that needs a dish collector. Who, who, whatever. 1:01:04 I'll go for the Piafa. I don't. I I don't. 1:01:08 Speaker 2 Say I will. I meant I I've read it in the. 1:01:12 Speaker 1 Ohh, you would have been responding to I wanted out as well. So yeah. Newspaper. Yeah, yeah. So tell me a little about yourself. Where did you go to school? 1:01:20 Speaker 2 It. 1:01:20 Speaker 1 Says here Hogwarts never heard of it. Ohh tell us, tell us about Hogwarts. It's. 1:01:26 Speaker 2 It's waiting school of sorts. 1:01:28 Speaker 1 Name for a school. So it's a weird name for a school. Oh. 1:01:31 Speaker 2 Well, I think it's like a privately owned thing. Well, yeah, it's up north. It's near Scotland, actually. Oh yeah. 1:01:39 Speaker 1 Probably I'm. So you come from a good family, man? Yeah, a decent. 1:01:42 Speaker 2 Stock I suppose. 1:01:44 Speaker 1 You know you're not one of them weasel kids. 1:01:47 Speaker 2 Weasel kids. 1:01:48 Speaker 1 No, no. 1:01:49 Speaker 2 All the voodies. 1:01:50 Speaker 1 No, the rude. Not that I would know about them, but whatever. Yeah, yeah. So tell us about Hogwarts. 1:02:00 Speaker 2 What's what's to say boarding school? Spend most of my life good 9-10 months of the year. Like I said, it's a boarding school, quite prestigious. I would, I would say probably the only one of it's kind of in the UK. 1:02:16 Speaker 1 So you're applying for BY1 of our social media managers. What's your online footprint like at all? 1:02:23 Speaker 2 Online. Online What size? 1:02:24 Speaker 1 Yeah, like social media stuff. What sort of like if it's size? 1:02:27 Speaker 2 9. 1:02:29 Speaker 1 What? 1:02:30 Speaker 2 You said footprint. 1:02:32 Speaker 1 Didn't you like you're online one like watch your social media present like you got you get Instagram, Snapchat, Ted talk, Twitter, Facebook yeah X. 1:02:41 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, yeah. 1:02:45 Speaker 1 Yeah. Have you ever, have you ever added brand deals before? So you're like a young person if you're going for like a social, you know, you know, media job. I imagine you've done quite a lot of influencing and you've been approached by any companies in the past. 1:02:59 Speaker 2 So is that is that a lot on this way? 1:03:03 Speaker 1 No, Fizzway, don't boil the cattle. He wants it from the top. And some ice as well, if you don't mind. Don't mind me, I'm just going to crack one of these open. 1:03:19 How do they keep doing that? I'm sorry. 1:03:25 Speaker 2 Mr. Charles is is fine. I don't partake in the drink during the day, but anyway I got quite good grades I would think. 1:03:35 Speaker 1 Yeah, So tell me about the basics. What do you get in math, science and English? The big three? Maths, Maths. You know, numbers, boy. Oh. 1:03:44 Speaker 2 Numbers. It's. Here's the thing. 1:03:49 Speaker 1 Go on, man. 1:03:50 Speaker 2 The the school. 1:03:51 Speaker 1 Dropped out, didn't you? No. 1:03:52 Speaker 2 No, no, no. SO. 1:03:55 Speaker 1 It's a bit like fucking Facebook. Or for you. You dropped out, didn't you? I. 1:03:58 Speaker 2 Didn't drop out. 1:04:00 Speaker 1 She didn't know that about maths and numbers either. Or English. 1:04:04 Speaker 2 I complete my tenure. 1:04:06 Speaker 1 But check out them pins. 1:04:08 Speaker 2 I did my. 1:04:08 Speaker 1 Owls nice games. 1:04:09 Speaker 2 I've got the, I've got the results for my owls. Owls. 1:04:12 Speaker 1 Sorry, Owls, that's a grade. That's a lesson. 1:04:16 Speaker 2 No, it's it's the series of tests that we have to do to get our final grade. 1:04:23 Speaker 1 Not GCSE that what an OWL does I know we're not talking about. 1:04:31 Speaker 2 Well, all. 1:04:33 Speaker 1 Right, so okay, let's just say Hogwarts those things differently. Your GCSE Owls. 1:04:39 Speaker 2 Yeah, I did. I did. 1:04:40 Speaker 1 You sat your owls. 1:04:42 Speaker 2 Yeah, sat my Owls. 1:04:43 Speaker 1 Would you get in your owls? 1:04:45 Speaker 2 I got some OS, I got a few ES. Oh, that does. 1:04:48 Speaker 1 Not sound good. 1:04:49 Speaker 2 I got AT but you know, portions. What can you say? You know what I mean? Everything else though, pretty good. 1:04:59 Speaker 1 Well then what is again? 1:05:02 Speaker 2 I got I got an O in Transfiguration. 1:05:06 Speaker 1 I got. I get it. 1:05:08 Speaker 2 I got an E in. 1:05:09 Speaker 1 You got to know in what you got to know in what again was it transfiguration? Yeah, a lot of people want. I think you're very brave for coming here today. A lot of people you know what they won't. I respect you for coming for get this job. I want to say that if you do get it, we we give you the job as a diversity. 1:05:31 I though, but I'm sure you know that you'll be very accepted here and I'm gonna call you Sir. Is that correct? 1:05:40 Speaker 2 I don't really know what you're talking about, but I got an E in charms. 1:05:45 Speaker 1 Does not sound good. Sorry, that does not sound good an E. 1:05:50 Speaker 2 Second highest grade, don't you it's. 1:05:52 Speaker 1 Near the bottom, Sir. 1:05:55 Speaker 2 I'd rather you not look there, you know, maybe your business. 1:06:01 Speaker 1 You know what? We'll have a think about it and we'll give you a call. How can I reach you? There's no number at the bottom of the CV. How? 1:06:11 Speaker 2 Anyone would reach anybody. 1:06:13 Speaker 1 We don't have access to owls. How? 1:06:15 Speaker 2 Did you know that? 1:06:17 Speaker 1 Just a vibe, just a vibe I got from this whole meeting. Just played it by air. That's what that's what, that's what we do here. We we gauge about things and we see certain situations and then we just, you know, we pick up on it. We're very good like that very relaxed team, aren't we Miss Fizzle Wizzle yes say she loves that she. 1:06:42 Speaker 2 Says like she's under some SOB do that. 1:06:43 Speaker 1 Spin around for us to then pins nice stems, buds too. Quote to quote Batman and Robin when they were ogling Poison Ivor. 1:06:57 Speaker 2 I guess I'll build my way then. 1:06:59 Speaker 1 Off your pop. 1:07:00 Speaker 2 Bye. See you. See you later.
Magic grading system 1:07:03 Deconstructing the Absurdity of Hogwarts' Grading System So a character now do those letters stand for something or are they just did she just pick random letters like the alphabet or not doing an ABCDE thing? I'll just whatever which they don't stand for anything. They're just, you know, the higher, the better the grade, right? 1:07:18 Speaker 2 So what I'm going to tell you is best grade to worst grade, right? So your best grade is O. That stands for outstanding, right? And it goes E exceeds expectations. 1:07:29 Speaker 1 Just say excellent, fuck off. Well you've got AII generally thought Easter for excellence. And what's it stand for? 1:07:37 Speaker 2 Exceeds expectations. 1:07:39 Speaker 1 The bullshit that's it should be an E. Oh, I got an E on something then, which is a mobile network. 1:07:45 Speaker 2 The next one doing is an A. 1:07:46 Speaker 1 4. 1:07:47 Speaker 2 Acceptable. 1:07:48 Speaker 1 All right, so I'll see. 1:07:52 Speaker 2 Then it goes P. 1:07:54 Speaker 1 Piss paw paw. That was close. 1:07:57 Speaker 2 When it goes date. 1:07:58 Speaker 1 Derogatory. 1:07:59 Speaker 2 No. 1:08:01 Speaker 1 Oh, oh, this pepper is like that. I. 1:08:07 Speaker 2 Can't say that. 1:08:08 Speaker 1 How did you get a derogatory in potions? I got you got a derogatory in transmogrification. Why is this abhorrent upon nature thing that you've shown me? 1:08:26 Get, get, get HP Lovecraft in here. Jot that down. I can't. I can't describe it. Yeah, keep up the good work. You're still racist. Yes. 1:08:41 Off your pop. 1:08:44 Speaker 2 I'll see you later then. 1:08:45 Speaker 1 Goodbye, Mr. Lovecraft. 1:08:47 Speaker 2 So D stands for Dreadful. 1:08:49 Speaker 1 Right. 1:08:50 Speaker 2 The worst grade you can get is AT. 1:08:52 Speaker 1 Tits up. 1:08:56 Speaker 2 Stands for troll as in you as stupid as a troll. 1:09:00 Speaker 1 That's that's bullying. Yeah, yeah, that's fucking bullshit. No, what I just one they should do the the normal tier tiers list system or the character action list system where it's it essentially goes. 1:09:17 I think it's ABCDD is obviously the worst. I don't think you can get AD in any of those games or just have a double S ranking for the best. Never understood that in those games. Like I get the oh, I got an AI, got AB, I got CDI, get that. 1:09:33 I don't understand why S is considered the best. Why? Why I, I, I I'm not looking up now because I feel like that has some research involved and it might take a while it. 1:09:44 Speaker 2 Stands for super. 1:09:45 Speaker 1 Super styling, super sexy styling style if you go enough like Dante, but no, but you get an Ash Rankin. Like loads of things as well. Cool, got an ash Rankin. Sonic the hat joke. Cool, I am the fastest. 1:10:01 Speaker 2 I think it's mostly a Japanese thing. Like that's that's where it came from. It was the Japanese. 1:10:07 Speaker 1 Is it that makes sense? Is that their also their school grading system as well? Just do ABCDE and then SI. 1:10:14 Speaker 2 Don't know. I don't think so, if I'm being honest with you. But yeah, owls, which is like the equivalent of like GCS. 1:10:21 Speaker 1 ES or sats? Yeah. 1:10:23 Speaker 2 This I think that she was reaching because she wanted to. 1:10:26 Speaker 1 You think she was reaching at this? I think. 1:10:28 Speaker 2 She's reaching about. 1:10:29 Speaker 1 Them and the whole fucking franchise is a reach. 1:10:31 Speaker 2 But for her to try and fit a word for each of the letters in owls? 1:10:37 Speaker 1 Oh, right. Go on. 1:10:39 Speaker 2 Owls is short first. 1:10:40 Speaker 1 So it's a it's an acronym? Yeah, right. What's GCSE an acronym for grade studies something? Is it an accurate it? 1:10:48 Speaker 2 Will be, won't it? I don't know what, but it will be. So Owls stands for Ordinary Wizarding Levels. 1:10:56 Speaker 1 Ordinary, that's. 1:10:57 Speaker 2 What it says? 1:10:58 Speaker 1 Rubbish. Yeah. Would you want to be like excellent wizarding of us all like they're? 1:11:02 Speaker 2 Called Uels, are they? 1:11:03 Speaker 1 Yeah, but ordinary? Yeah, that's she couldn't think of any other word for with Pharaoh. 1:11:08 Speaker 2 No, she's too busy thinking about fucking the cock length of house. 1:11:15 Speaker 1 Like a turtle, their Dick exceeds the length of their body. Twice the size. Yeah, well, that's enough bashing on Harry Potter, I reckon. I'm sure we'll do it again at some point in the future. I think this is the second time we've done it on the podcast now. 1:11:28 Speaker 2 Yes. 1:11:29 Speaker 1 If I remember how we got to it, we're talking about smelly people at work and then Harry Potter piece of shit again. Yeah. Oh, I mentioned about. 1:11:37 Speaker 2 Jesus. 1:11:37 Speaker 1 Snape being cast. I was scrolling through my news things for talk about. 1:11:43 Speaker 2 Just before we do move on because. 1:11:45 Speaker 1 There's got more Harry Potter. 1:11:46 Speaker 2 Stuff. There's a higher education thing. Sixth form, Yeah. Like college or university level. The.
Gene Hackman 1:11:54 Speaker 1 So to get a master's in something I guess. 1:11:57 Speaker 2 Yeah, you would take our plus. No no, go take your NEWTS exams. 1:12:04 Speaker 1 Go and watch She oh, she worded that. 1:12:09 Speaker 2 I'm laughing because I know that you're not going to like it, but that's the same for everything else. So Newt stands for Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests. 1:12:22 Speaker 1 Is she a child writer? Nastily exhausting wizarding test sounds like something like it. It literally sounds like something like Mr. Gum would write. Oh, I've taken the nastily exhausting wizarding tests. 1:12:43 He he just like nastily is a is a very difficult, not a difficult word, but it's like one of those words that's even sound real, like something's nasty, right. Nastily it just sounds fake. It sounds like a a non word. But yeah, I know it's a real word, but nastily exhausting wizard. 1:13:01 Yeah, just to fit newts into it. So. 1:13:04 Speaker 2 She found another animal. 1:13:06 Speaker 1 Yeah, which is popular in the wizard world. 1:13:08 Speaker 2 That fits into I. 1:13:09 Speaker 1 Don't know what newts do but. 1:13:11 Speaker 2 The sort of narrative. Yeah. And there's just a scratchy red and go, oh, shit. And I have to come up with what these. Let's see, No one likes taking exams. And people get tired quite, you know, they do a lot of cramming in there. Maybe. Maybe they are nasty, actually. 1:13:27 Maybe. Maybe they are exhausting. Actually, no. 1:13:30 Speaker 1 One's ever described the test as nasty as nasty that test the. 1:13:34 Speaker 2 Thing is as well is that these are like official testing papers. 1:13:39 Speaker 1 Yeah, not for kids. 1:13:41 Speaker 2 Which the government would, yeah, would have to have the hand in creating. 1:13:45 Speaker 1 Obviously. 1:13:46 Speaker 2 Like just like any other source it. 1:13:48 Speaker 1 Sounds like something that's in a child's book. 1:13:50 Speaker 2 Right, so you're, you're telling me the what's his fucking name? 1:13:56 Speaker 1 Harry Potter. 1:13:56 Speaker 2 Fudge, who's the guy who's in charge of the Ministry of Magic? Because this is a ministry, Yeah. Yeah. You're telling me that as an official paper, they're called the Nastily Exhaustive Wizard Tests? 1:14:10 Speaker 1 It's so difficult to just say. It's just wordy stupid. But he's stupid, incredibly stupid. No one's ever described. I don't I don't think I've ever described anything as nasty in general, unless I'm like using like baby talk or talk and say, oh, nasty Boo, stinky. 1:14:28 Oh, that's a nasty poo you've left in your nap here, clean that up. I shouldn't be. And Jack before we started. 1:14:34 Speaker 2 Say to you, I didn't like it when you said it to me the first time. 1:14:44 Speaker 1 Ridiculous. I was thinking before it's completely unrelated, but like, imagine I I wrote Harry Potter. Imagine if they do like, oh, this film set in the Harry Potter world, but it's it's based on moguls and it's just like a biopic of like Frank Sinatra because he existed dinner. 1:15:03 I know you can't wish she's funny. I was like, I was thinking, I was thinking about this the other day. So I've been playing through the Halo games, right. I was thinking, Oh, I wouldn't be cool if they did a Halo film but set in like, I don't know, the 20th century and it's just normal events. 1:15:20 Well, it's fiction, but it's like a crime drama. And then they just go set in the Halo universe at. 1:15:28 Speaker 2 The end of this like 10 season series, the final episode is like, hey, have you heard of the Spartan project? And then it just. 1:15:36 Speaker 1 Goes Meanwhile, it's just an 1820s Speakeasy drama. Why would that even come up? 1:15:52 Unraveling the Truth Behind Gene Hackman's Passing Something else I was going to bring up, I've got it in my notes. Gene Attman's death got weird. Again, this is No, I won't talk about Gene Attman's death got weird. I remember what I was going to say. I absolutely fucking hate how people, I hate how Gene Attman dies. 1:16:10 No, I absolutely fucking hate how people will just make up a narrative and run with it and say it as absolute fact. So when the news broke that Gene Atman, his wife and his dog died and they were often dead in like the front room or wherever, everyone was like saying it's carbon monoxide poisoning. 1:16:29 No, it is carbon monoxide poisoning. No one's saying maybe it's carbon monoxide poisoning. That would kind of make sense. Or the only thing I can conceive this being would be carbon dioxide poisoning. You read any? It was carbon monoxide poisoning. The coroner did this, and then they start making up their own bullshit. 1:16:48 It was this. It was that people see something and then they make it up. So now it's come out that Gene Hackman died of a cardiovascular disease, and Alzheimer's was also a factor as well. And his wife died a week before that because she had something of the hand. 1:17:05 She had something called the hantavirus. That's what killed her. I know all people saying online is that, yeah, so she was his carer. She was looking after him. And when she died, because he had Alzheimer's, no one was looking after him. No one was looking after a dog. 1:17:20 And that's how they died. But that's what they're saying. I don't know if that's true or not because that's what I'm reading on the Internet. And this is all the same people that said it was carbon monoxide poisoning. I mean, in theory, carbon monoxide poisoning makes sense, I guess if three people find that in a room, in theory, if she was his career looking after him, he was like 90 on in our Alzheimer's. 1:17:41 You know, she might be just, she was only 60. So, you know, she could foreseeably look after him, feed the dog, whatever. So in theory, if she did die and he was riddled with Alzheimer's and didn't know where he was, he was probably starting conversations with her and share probably not feeding the dog. Yeah, it makes sense, but I don't fucking know that it's still a weird situation. 1:18:00 Very weird though. Probably a documentary or something about at some point anyway. Why? Why is no one saying it was a hit because you owed money? Going to start saying he had gambling debts and they got him. 1:18:15 The guy was 92, but they got him. 1:18:17 Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, none of them were found in the same room as each other. 1:18:22 Speaker 1 I I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. I just assume that they're all found dead puddle together like the end of The Shining. 1:18:30 Speaker 2 I think I think he was in the bedroom, she was in the. 1:18:32 Speaker 1 Bed to shine. That's not the end of the shine. That's like The Simpsons version of it shining. Oh how reality can be warped by The Simpsons. Oh my. 1:18:43 Speaker 2 God, I can't. I can't remember where the dog was, but yeah, he was in the bedroom, she was in the bathroom. 1:18:49 Speaker 1 All right, just weird like because some people saying how did you just why did he not report it? How was he living with the corpse for a week? You know what I mean? 1:18:58 Speaker 2 Yeah, well, again, like like I said to you. 1:19:01 Speaker 1 Riddled with Alzheimer's? 1:19:05 Speaker 2 Bursting at the seams. Weird, yeah. 1:19:07 Speaker 1 Oh cover up mate, your Alzheimer's is showing. 1:19:12 Speaker 2 Yeah, also I was just makes you do insane things. But don't we? Do you know what I mean? 1:19:16 Speaker 1 It was probably running around his house sometimes trying to kill Superman. Probably it was a big part of his life. 1:19:24 Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it's plausible that he either didn't know that she was even the dead. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. 1:19:31 Speaker 1 What a weird that must have been. Honestly, I'm not. They're obviously Hollywood legend. Obviously they've got money. You got to assume. You got to assume. I don't know. But it's not outside the realms of possibility. Like every room in that house on CCTV. Yeah. 1:19:46 I wonder what that footage would look like. Just for a week. Just Gene Atman partnering about his house, not feeding his dog, talking to his dead wife. Weird. Draken, Right. Pretty morbid, But Draken, people would pay money for that sort of footage. 1:20:02 Draken. There's a market for like an only fancy situation, which is the blast. Few hours of people's life like some sort of like snuff only fans thing. You don't see them die, you just see the last few hours or last days of the life and it's like streamed or some shit. 1:20:21 What would you call that? I don't know. Again, I'm conceiving the idea. You do the rest, go with it. Like like only snuffs Snuffy fans. That sounds too cute. I don't. I don't. 1:20:34 Speaker 2 Even sure that it that would be class. 1:20:37 Speaker 1 Of snuff, morbid curiosity fans, corpse tube. I don't. 1:20:43 Speaker 2 Know you could call it final journeys. 1:20:47 Speaker 1 So much better than anything I've just said. 1:20:52 Speaker 2 Yeah, call it. Call it final journeys. 1:20:57 Speaker 1 I almost reckoned you charge for that I. 1:20:59 Speaker 2 Don't know to be honest with you because you can just find stuff like that posted on the on the Internet. Anyway, it's. 1:21:04 Speaker 1 The same with only fans, you can just find stuff like that posted on the Internet anyway, couldn't you? 1:21:08 Speaker 2 What's what's like a what's like the average sub subscription price set for like someone? 1:21:15 Speaker 1 An Only Fans model? You tell me. 1:21:17 Speaker 2 You know I tell you. 1:21:19 Speaker 1 What do you mean? I tell you, tell me. I don't know. 1:21:22 Speaker 2 I would assume that it's probably a varying to 10 of a month, something like that in it. 1:21:26 Speaker 1 Probably. 1:21:27 Speaker 2 Pretending you don't know. 1:21:30 Speaker 1 Usually. Usually it's right. 1:21:31 Speaker 2 I don't know what your game is. 1:21:33 Speaker 1 You, well they can set their own prices and you can you can vary from like 399 to 799 also you know whatever. So if you want to be, if you want to be, if you want to be a greedy bitch about it, I ain't paying 1599 a month to see a titty. 1:21:48 Sorry, I'll go to one of these 79 P only fan pages. You know this is. 1:21:56 Speaker 2 Tell me now which model has the expensive one? 1:22:00 Speaker 1 But I don't know, I just lie. I genuinely don't hold up my head every time. Every time I've been a little bit interested and I've looked it up, I've never subscribed to anything because I'm like, I've got a lot of outgoing, do you know what I mean? I don't need more. 1:22:14 Speaker 2 I I only have a lot of subscriptions, I don't even use it all then. 1:22:18 Speaker 1 Exactly, you know, and I don't yeah, often I'm going to be like looking for that one specific. If I if I do ever subscribe to anything like that, it one, I'd only do it to 1 because I can only justify one and I'll be she's got to be an absolute fucking goddess. All women are goddesses by the way, but I don't have the money to subscribe to multiple because then I feel like. 1:22:40 Speaker 2 I'm saying that you're not all beautiful, thank God.
Mike does actually have an OF though 1:22:47 You know, the, the other day I, I was posing a little bit, taking some ludes just for like, you know, whatever potential potential sending them to people who might be interested or people who are interested. Are you whatever. Oh yeah, she'll get kicked out of this. 1:23:02 Boom. Send her that thought. Should I start an only fans? How much would I charge? I start an only Fans but it's just early access to these podcasts. 1:23:15 Speaker 2 Jesus. 1:23:15 Speaker 1 And then that one pic where my Dick looks good fresh out the cube. 1:23:24 Speaker 2 My God, I've never thought myself about making an old fans or doing things like that. 1:23:29 Speaker 1 What a silly one. 1:23:31 Speaker 2 Very, very, very limited experience in taking pictures of myself because it isn't something that I do. You know what I mean? I don't think I've ever taken a picture of yeah, this. Do you know what I mean? 1:23:44 Speaker 1 No one's requested it from you. 1:23:46 Speaker 2 Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Well, I have, I have done it a couple of times, but all it's it's always been on request and it's always. 1:23:54 Speaker 1 I can't stop women from sending me messages going hey, let me see that hog. Whip it out boy. Stop the acoustic. 1:24:03 Speaker 2 Tidal wave. 1:24:06 Speaker 1 I get cat code in the street. Hey, how how them balls hang low. Stop asking. Leave me alone. I bet they waggle to and throw you tie them in a knot on a ball of yes I can leave me alone. 1:24:22 Me walking past an all female building site. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's just my day today. Send us a girthy picking up me later. No, stop asking. 1:24:37 Speaker 2 I will say though that a lot of pictures of me on the Internet anyway, like I don't know like 10 years ago some what. 1:24:44 Speaker 1 All right. You just throwing that out there for all of do your research guys. 1:24:48 Speaker 2 Cock and balls, I guess, yeah. 1:24:50 Speaker 1 For who? For what? It's like confession time. Now I don't. 1:24:56 Speaker 2 Think it's necessarily confession time? It would be difficult to find even for me knowing what yeah it's called. Do you know what I mean? 1:25:03 Speaker 1 Cock and balls, Isn't it Jack's cock and balls? 1:25:06 Speaker 2 Just my full name and address. 1:25:11 Speaker 1 Jack's cock and balls. Cubeton Cube. 1:25:15 Speaker 2 Cube. 1:25:16 Speaker 1 Google that and it'll pop right up. 1:25:19 Speaker 2 Square oven cube, Yeah, Is that, though? Not loads of it. Well, yeah. Is that though? 1:25:26 Speaker 1 Just you or were you with someone or? 1:25:28 Speaker 2 Mostly stuff with an ex-girlfriend. Yeah, she wanted to do it, you know what I mean? I was. 1:25:33 Speaker 1 Just God, if only fans existed back in the day you could actually make some money off that. 1:25:36 Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. 1:25:38 Speaker 1 I mean, you would have, we would have had an only fans we'll have somewhere. 1:25:43 Speaker 2 To plug this, you know, I mean, and also talk about the podcast. 1:25:53 Speaker 1 Oh, got me. Yeah. So if you're interested, ladies, we will send you pics upon request. That's got to be like an expensive tear if we do that Patreon thing. 1:26:08 Speaker 2 Yeah, just pictures of me and Mike docking. 1:26:12 Speaker 1 OK, that's going to be like at least £50. That's how poor we are. We'll turn Patreon into our it'll be like, send us a dollar a month, get access to the podcast early or whatnot, $5 a month, you get your name read out. 1:26:33 So and so $6 a month will kiss every week for every subscriber that pays in that sense. So for every subscriber that pays $6 a month, we have to kiss and then look to camera and say your name. 1:26:50 Speaker 2 I imagine that being the most popular one and every week we have to do like 4 hours worth. 1:26:57 Speaker 1 John, Jeanette, Julian. I don't know why I'm starting with the Jays. You'd have to do a separate video on the Patreon just for that. Oh, Jack, we've got a it's a new week after the podcast. We've got to record our kissing video, right? 1:27:16 We calling it. 1:27:17 Speaker 2 Let's call it. Do you? 1:27:19 Speaker 1 Want me to call it or do you want me to make an albatross call it? Why do you hate the albatross concept so much? 1:27:25 Speaker 2 I don't hate the concept, I don't hate the concept, it's just that every time I do it, I think it's so great. 1:27:31 Speaker 1 Is it here anywhere? Guys coming to Tucker's in quick. 1:27:35 Speaker 2 He always says like he's in pain, like everything hurts on him. 1:27:38 Speaker 1 Because he lives in the queue. Why would you not be in pain are? 1:27:41 Speaker 2 You in pain? 1:27:43 Speaker 1 Sometimes. 1:27:46 Speaker 2 And then do you want to do your all? 1:27:47 Speaker 1 Right. You do yours first this time. 1:27:50 Farewell and a Rambling Tale of Bees and Onions Yeah, you can do it first. 1:27:52 Speaker 2 OK, I've been Jack me fail English. That's impossible. 1:27:59 Speaker 1 I've been Mike and I'm going to say my story begins in 19 Dickity 2 We had to say Dickity because the Kaiser had stolen awkward 20I chased that Rascal to get it back but I got up after dickity 6 miles. 1:28:16 And then World War Two it got kind of quiet till Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat him by a furlong, or so the comic book would have you to believe. The truth lies somewhere in between three walks back. 1:28:34 We called the Siracro library cabbage and we called it Liberty cabbage Super Slaw. And back then a suitcase was known as a Swedish lunch box. We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. 1 trick is to tell them that don't go anywhere. 1:28:56 Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Mogdenville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. 1:29:13 No, to take a fairy Costa nickel. And in those days nickel had pictures of bumblebees on him. Give me 5 bees for 1/4, I'd say. Ah, there's an interesting story behind that nickel in 1957. I remember it was I got up in the morning and I made myself a piece of toast. 1:29:32 I set the toaster to 3 medium brown. No, where, where, where? Oh yeah. The important thing is I had an onion on my belt which was the style of the time. I didn't have white onions because of the wall. The only thing you could get was those big 1:29:55 Should I start an only fast? How much would I charge?

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Episodes > Episode fourteen transcript

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